overcome my aversion to phones

and i thought i was the only one!

I hate calling people. Absolutely hate it. I need to see people’s faces in order to understand what they are thinking and feeling at that particular moment so phones are rubbish for socially inept folk like myself. If I plan to phone someone I have to actually write a scripted first line down, followed by bullet points of stuff I want to talk about, then practise the first line before I pick up the phone.

This organisation I’m volunteering for has me on the phone for most of my time there. Calling people I don’t even know- that is supremely the worst kind of calling. But its for a good cause, and may Allah swt make it easy for me to get over this irrational fear!

Turns out this goal is better fitted under my other goal of Overcome social anxiety, as its gotten a lot better since I’ve gone on medication for it.

Receiving calls…that’s not so bad. Sometimes I admit that if I’m completely not in the right space I won’t pick up, depending on what the caller ID says. If it’s someone I talk to frequently it makes it easier, but if it’s someone I don’t talk to frequently, I figure it’s more difficult.

A plan … One remedy would be making more frequent shorter calls. I should make a list of those I need to call more frequently and check them off a list. I’ll make a list under a separate post and then see how it goes.

My wish … I have always, always wanted a rotary phone like this in the picture, burgundy or red. I kept rotary only service forever, until it no longer was optional. I used to know some secret tricks this kind of phone would do. I really want one. If anyone finds one, lemme know!

I still don’t like it, but I haven’t avoided a phone call in quite some time. I still have to force myself sometimes and I still dread a specific phone call which might come some day, but it has gotten a lot better. And it’s worth it.

I plan my words, rehearse them once, rehearse them twice, cross my fingers, hear my heart pound, mess up, and feel bad.

I wish I never had to use the phone. But I do. So it’s time I accepted putting myself in horrible situations a few times, many times, until it gets better.
I know it should get better.

I don’t even check my messages. And I need to. And I have necessary business to do. I drive out of my way to do it in person. No idea why this is an issue. But it is. Ideas to tackle it?

Going to think of a way to work on this goal.

All thanks to you, my dear, all thanks to you…

I just got off the phone and I am shaking so bad right now. The entire called lasted less than 2 minutes, but it was hell for me. I was shaking and my heart was racing before making it and now I’m shaking even worse. I wrote out exactly what I needed to say because I usually end up stuttering and not making a lot of sense when I’m nervous. That does help me quite a bit.

It’s awful how bad I am, but I feel ecstatic for making the call. I had to call the local health department and ask a nurse a question and all morning I have been telling myself that once it hit 9 o’clock I was calling. So I dialed before I could make myself hang up and I did it. I’m proud of myself for getting it done, but I hate the fact that I am so horrible on phones.

After I got home from grocery shopping, I saw the receipt when I was putting my groceries away, and saw something that I thought was an error.

I was going to just ignore it, and not do anything about this, but decided to call the store to find out if it was an error. It turns out that there wasn’t an error, but I did learn to be very careful when selecting food from bulk bins, and that it was ok to call.

The customer service rep was very helpful.