build lasting friendships

My sweetie & I have made some real friends in “the Lifestyle”. There are two couples in particular that we’ve seen a lot of… we truly enjoy their company and it seems the feeling is mutual. So that’s a good thing! We also have a single woman Lifestyle friend who is a real kindred spirit to me… I hope to spend more time with her in future!

I feel like I’m making progress on this one. Michael, Wendy, and Nadine are all true friends and there has been mutual effort to build and maintain the relationships. I am trying to redefine “friendship” with less focus on how much time I spend f2f with someone. The old “constantly hanging around each other house” model just doesn’t work with my lifestyle. Hell I’ve never met Nadine in the (lovely) flesh… but she is certainly more of a friend than some people I see every day.

I often push people away from me. I want to be able to keep a friendship with someone other my boyfriend, I love him, and he loves me, but it’s not fair on him for me to have no friends.

I don’t know why, but I am unable to hold a friendship. I get to a point where my friend and I are close and then I just shut down. I stop calling, become distant and I can’t explain it. I want so much to have a close friend that I can share everything with and laugh at the silliest things with, but I’m unable to let a wall down. My goal is to let a little of my wall down each day.