To live instead of exist

I fell for a guy just before I was going to leave for 7 weeks to go to Colorado. I was afraid I would spend the entire summer missing him, and not really focussing on fun summer stuff. Thankfully, I ended up having tons of fun while…
rock climbing outdoors, hiking, summiting peaks, backpacking, river kayaking, whitewater rafting, camping, drinking coffee, hanging out, going to a Steve Earle concert and a Josh Ritter concert both with my older sister, seeing my extended family, playing ninja games, and hooking up with a guy in a tent on a camping trip!! << my first kiss too… and really amazing. Some of this stuff was done during a 3 week outdoor leadership camp, where I got to hang out with 2 amazingly cool counsellors, an awesome Malamute, and a couple of kids around my age who are now friends of mine that I’ll be seeing in the summers for years to come. That camp was not only insanely fun, but I learned a lot and got lots of new kinds of outdoor experience on top of the basic stuff I already had.

The one thing I really wanted to do that I didn’t get to:
I was planning on summiting my first Fourteener this summer. I was going to go with 2 17 yr old friends, no adults… we were planning on driving up a 4WD road and setting up camp before setting out around 1 or 2am to hike the peak and arrive at the summit at sunrise. It was going to be the most EPIC thing I’ve ever done. Unfortunately there were nasty t-storms, and the base camp and entire hike/climb is very exposed… we could see the lightning hitting the ridge that we were going to be on! yikes! plus, rain at night= NO visibility at all! I guess I’ll have to put that back on the list for next summer!

I can’t believe my time in Colorado is over for the summer!!! I’m back in New York now. I don’t really like it here… hmmm. School starts soon, so we’ll see how that goes. The bouldering season starts soon too, so climbing practice will be sometime to look forward to! I’m hoping for a successful and interesting year academically- a bit stressful too, going into Junior year!

i want to live and not just wander through life living from one day off to the next.
i’m working on it though

yeah
im working on this one
its pretty self explanitory

I feel like I’m wasting so much time. That I’ve wasted so much time already. I take everything for granted because I’m too busy moping and dwelling on the past or waiting on something to happen. I can never just appreciate the here and now.
I need to learn to take my time and just go with things. I need to be more spontaneous and to enjoy things that come into my life. I need to quit dramatizing the little things and letting them get to me and ruining the rest of my day, week, year, whathaveyou.
Every day seems so routine: sleep all day, stick the baby in his high chair, feed him, change him, put him down for a nap, sit in front of the tv until husband comes home, eat dinner, stay up all night.
I need to get out and do something and enjoy the time I have with my son. He won’t always be so little.
I want to enjoy the time I have with my husband because I never know when he’ll be shipped overseas or off to training again.
I wish I could love life. I don’t think I ever have.

!

Doing my best from now on!

When you don’t notice time go by.

It’s an amazing feeling to wake up one day and realize that a lot of days have gone by and you didn’t felt them pass.

There was a time when I did notice every minute of the day… but, decided to take a chance and do the best thing I can do with my life… Live IT!!

First thing I do when waking up in the morning is “SMILE” I found that when I do smile I have an amazing day…. Free from negative thinking….try it!!

Sometimes I feel like my life is a labyrinth with a lot of beasts… And I just can’t find the way out!..

One must be in the world, not of the world