To live instead of exist

I had a great day today! Went to meet up with two friends, went to a new cafe and had hot chocolate and a flapjack. We were there about two hours! It was so relaxing just sitting and chatting like we’d never been apart. We stood outside deciding which way to go next, it was cold and windy and a strong gust actually blew us away, we lost our footing! We got our photo taken in a photo booth, it is a really nice picture of the three of us crammed into the booth, smiling. On my way home, after I had left my friends, I stopped by a new sweet shop which is the best shop ever! It was quite overwhelming, a small shop with two floors, connected by a spiral staircase through the middle of the shop, with steps painted alternately brown and cream, like chocolate. One wall was lined with jars of sweets, I spent a long time looking at them and deciding what to buy. I chose alphabet letters and edinburgh rock and was shocked to be asked if I would like 100g of each – not having bought sweets from a jar since childhood, I only know sweets in ounces! As I went to pay, I noticed a jar on the glass counter full of tiny chocolate cups – how many years since I have had one of those?! As I left I told the assistant what a great shop it is, it brought back so many memories for me. In the evening I watched Strictly. What a great day.

Living is sitting under a big tent in the crisp November air, listening to the soundtrack of life spin its way to the end of the night—singing the Truth to “I love you” tunes. I’ll never forget these moments. The lights. The exhilaration of life and embarrassment of defeat. Newness of closeness and anticipation. The faint smell of popcorn and the stickiness of cotton candy and laughter. The overzealous smell of grass. Guitar strings and dance routines. The county fair and You. An unexpected bundle of bliss that I can’t, I won’t forget all wrapped up in a hug and tucked away in time, only to be experienced when I remember it again and again and again with a big smile on my face.

It’s really hit me recently. It’s so easy to say that I want to “live life to the fullest”, but what does that really mean? How is living a full life different from how I’m living right now?

I’m making actual goals now. I’m not going to let my fears, or shyness, or depression or apathy keep me from enjoying day to day. I’m going to stare those obstacles right in the face and do things.

I’m going to get involved. If something is making me unhappy, I’m going to remove that from my life.

Most importantly, I’m going to stop criticizing myself. I’m going to start each day with positive affirmations, acknowledge my achievements, and celebrate them! I’m going to focus on the positive, instead of dwelling on what could have been or what went wrong.

There’s so much to be excited about!

Everytime i try to do this i end up getting stressed out.
“am i living right now? am i having enough fun right now? is this moment exciting enough? what can i do to make it more exciting?.. eh.. i dunno”
it feels like im forcing myself to do something fun and worthwhile.
Its probably just cause I’m lazy… oh well

Up until very recently I simply existed. But, man, I’ve made some drastic changes in my life and finally feel like I’m living. It’s so rare for me to get outside myself so completely that I am only living in that moment.

In fact, when it begins to happen, it’s so foreign that I notice it almost right away and feel disoriented. But, the more it happens the more comfortable I am with it.

I think it’s called…. letting go.

what a life , can i really make it to become a motivational speaker or just a role model,GOD why does life get the best of me, is there a solution cant get back to my ex why??

That is what started my list of everything i want to do before i die. I want to hold on to life for all its worth, even if that requires me to risk it all.
Well, “we don’t know what we’ve got till its gone.” Which made me think what am i going to think, and what will everyone else say about the life i lived? I want them to be proud of my life, and it would be complete if the life i led inspired just one person.

I want to get a life. I am going to start doing more things to get my adrenaline pumping. Also, loads of people i know are cunts to me and other people. I am going to learn to fight, and then kick their asses.

i really feel like i just float along, ive got a 9-5 job and im already loosing who i am, im just a robot for society. i ned to quit my job and go travel. im only 19 too, too early to feel this way