To live instead of exist

I try and enjoy life as much as possible. I feel like TV and the internet at times can get in the way. Also, I’ve recently bought into the whole getting a job after college and career path mentality from my parents. I think something that might be required to live is to move out of your parents house.

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Drove my brother’s bike today. Was a lot of fun. Thinking of may be buying my own. Only problem, WI has snow a large part of the year.

Lets see if I do. But none the less driving the bike was a lot of fun

Went for a barbecue today. Met some new people that were friends of my brother. It was nice.

My life is a total disaster, it seems like everything that can go wrong in my life does. I have so much to do, get out of this town, start some kind of career. I keep telling myself its not too late, but i just keep getting older and ive accomplished absolutely nothing. Maybe i have no purpose in life, if not for my dogs i probably wouldnt have a reason to exist in the first place. I love to make excuses for my life blah blah blah im lazy, i suck, still trying to stay motivated and maybe this year i will accomplish something, but i probably wont, but i might.

It getz u no where in life. Ur just exsisting in this world where ur just going crazy in ur mind and u cant help urself. Just existing to the point where u SEE no point in anything, where u SEE no point in living…

This goal has been on my list for a while, basically since I joined 43things, and I’ve been reluctant to mark it off because every time I feel like I’m living, I slip back into the existing frame of mind. I don’t feel like I have properly achieved my goal.

Sometimes I do feel like I am alive, a real person in this world, with goals and dreams and things to do… but that feeling escapes me when it matters. I have been very depressed lately, and I think this is a big part of why.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? How to keep this feeling around when I’m not feeling alive? Things you do that make you feel alive? I just want to feel happy.

Sometimes it can get to easy to just float through life and not really enjoy it and sometimes it becomes too easy for the things that get you down to drown out all you have going for you.. ive decided to stop living like this, to stop taking the good things for granted its so easy to just go through the motions of living and not actually living your life.. im gonna start livng and taking chances and loving my life.

Met up with a colleague from work.. Grabbed dinner, drinks etc.. Went and grabbed an ice cream too.. Nice day overall.. Planned a few more outings with her..

I’m still trying to figure out what exactly this means.