get over lost love

This has dragged on far enough. I’ve made my stand and I don’t miss him like before. It’s funny, I spent many many years thinking life would be worse without him and now that he’s gone it’s actually better in many ways. Just keep going and growing.

01/21/09
I met Maurizio on the internet and we communicated for several years. I was in a divorce process and he told me that we would only meet in person once the divorce was finalized. My divorce was finalized and he dissapeared saying that his dad in Italy was sick. Not a single e-mail or phone call for 9 months. I sent him a new year’s e-mail and he replied he had a terrible year and he will explain later. I just sent him an e-mail yesterday telling him that he should have the courtesy at least to say Adio! :)
It sounds very silly I am sure, but he meant so much to me; we used to talk for hours and have so much fun.. he supported me emotionally through the divorce, harrassment by my ex-husband, when I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and when my youngest brother died. I miss him but it definitely takes two to tango. I find it very hard to get over him. I just have to keep thinking that I am worth it and I will find someone who really appreciates me. And if I don’t, I will appreciate myself and love myself regardless.

01/22/09
Well, here I am in my recovery process. I read somewhere that it helps when you think of the not-so-good things about your lost love.
First, he is 10 years older than me and not in very good shape. He is a full-time student with no income at 45. He is a nomad who goes from Italy to the U.S. and I am not even sure he can stay permanently in the U.S. I got too much going for me to waste time with this unable to commit loser! Hooray for me!

02/03/09
Last Sunday I was watching my Big Fat Greek Wedding. There is a part where the guy tells the girl that they were not different species and all that matter was that they loved each other. I had a good cry and I miss him so much. It is close to a year now without him and even if I don’t cry as much as before it still hurts, especially since Valentine’s day is so close. Enough for the pity party for now but I know I will feel miserable soon again. I think is not so much about him but about feeling that I am giving up a dream. The dream of finding the one for me.

02/09/08 I posted a comment in his facebook wall. I had invited him to join my friends and he did. I posted the lyrics of a Spanish song into Italian for him and a video of the singer. When I logged in he had deleted it! I feel so bad. I want to never think, or hear about him. At the same time I wish I could confront him for being the liar he is, but it is not worth it! not a single minute of my time.

02/19/09 Maurizio just wrote in my facebook wall. He made a remark about a comment I posted regarding Salma Hayek’s wedding. He also sent me kisses. Oh man, He is SO not for me. I should jsut move on. My son and my business should be my sole focus instead of a jerk that did not appreciate me.

03/03/09 I say whatever but I still contact Maurizio. I sent him a smile in facebook and he responded with xo! (hugs and kisses). I sent him a message yesterday asking him if he is going to Italy for Spring Break. Shame on me! it is more than clear that he does not care and I still do not get over him. Im sick of this shit! (excuse my French)

05/06/09 Incredible but true! Maurizio sent an e-mail saying that he missed our MSN conversations, that he thought of me and hope that I was okay and that I was a special woman. I e-mailed him back and we chatted on MSN. I asked him why he did not write in a whole year. He said that he had a baby daughter!!! he is with a woman from New York. We talked and I told him I still love him; he said that as strange as it may sound, he still loves me too. He said he gave up on me because I was not divorced yet and because I did not want to have babies. I told him it was not my fault that the lawyer did not file the paperwork and I had to report him to the bar association for him to complete the divorce and that I did not know he wanted to have babies so bad. He called me on the phone and we talked for a long time. He said he was going to come and meet me. He said he won’t try anything we would just have coffee. I was very nervous and excited to see him. At the same time I was very hurt that he is now with somebody else and there is no hope for us. I posted some pictures on facebook of the guy I am dating (that is a whole other story; just one week before Maurizio reappeared I started dating a very nice guy from Rumania) I was thinking whether or not I should meet Maurizio in person now that I am with somebody else. I told myself: we would just have coffee, not even a kiss, nothing. Then Maurizio dissappeared again. I guess he knows is the best for me. I also think it is the best for me as he has nothing to offer. He can go on with his life and the woman he chose and I can give happiness a try with the Rumanian who is a real man and not a big liar and coward like Maurizio. I am over Maurizio but ocassionally when I think of him and listen to love songs I get an uncomfortable feeling. It bothers me all the energy and hope that I devoted to him. I know deep in my heart that I was not going to be happy with Maurizio; he is nothing but a coward.
I am very happy actually that I know the truth about him. It is time to live and leave the past behind. Carpe diem!

I’d been seeing my soul mate for 2 1/2 years…and I am just wounded to the point of despair…he sold me the earth and more and i opened up to him emotionally and physically…yet I had to let him go because I knew he would never be able to committ to more than what we had.I feel like part of me is missing and hope that I can start feeling normal soon.I can not cry anymore!

Break ups are hard, but especially difficult when you lose your best friend. where do i go from here???

Last time I was on 43 things was two years ago. how the pain I had from a unrequented love. I got over that and realized that she didn’t deserve any of my attention, nor pain.
If fact I still work with her and she sits right next to me and I could care less about her.

This time its different. I meet a wonderful, beautiful woman. I knew that this was going to be difficult. She was an Alcoholic, who is now sober, with my help. She’s been sober for 7 months.
She left me and won’t even talk to me. I’m so gutted I can’t put it all down yet. I’m off to file for divorce and I’m very sad.

funny how someone can stay in ur heart that long but they do…
funny how u can get married have kids with one man but another man stays in ur heart…funny how life goes on but ur heart never forgets
do they ever think of us or how we’re doin…do they ever wounder what ifs like me??
how often does he think of me?as often as i think of him?but hope he’s as happy as me…

It feels like i’m alone in this but i guess i now know that loads of people are going through the same thing

r

i loved him. its been almost 2 years, and i still love him even though i have not seen or spoken to him and have pretended to move on. but i had to let him go. life with me would’ve always been chaotic and full of past hurts.

he deserved better than me.

he deserved real peace and real happiness. i don’t think getting over him is really possible…but maybe someday i will find some peace in this.

so i guess i should say..since i loved him, i let him go.

I wrote a book. It started as a journal. It helped, but the pain is there. The fear, and the weakness. The book is only a reminder of everything. If I ever forget a single moment, I have it all written down and can look back.

Her name really isn’t Alyson. But it’s the only thing I could call her now that doesn’t bring up any memories. She was mine at one point, I’m sure. I know that somewhere along our dusty dirt road, she loved me back. But she forgot about me in her jounry to find herself. We all will be there one day. Just as I’m sure that it’s better we ended the way we did.

Yet somehow.. when I’m alone in the rain, staring at 321B on Ellis St, I can remember what it was like to have someone. And that’s what I need to get over…