...I love but it’s just not going anywhere for me on 43T. Though I wouldn’t call it giving up exactly. If I can think of a way to bring you back, I will. 4 years ago

‘Don’t cling to anything and don’t reject anything. Let come what comes, and accommodate yourself to that, whatever it is. If good mental images arise, that is fine. If bad mental images arise, that is fine, too. Look on all of it as equal, and make yourself comfortable with whatever happens. Don’t fight with what you experience, just observe it all mindfully.’ 5 years ago

The person I am choosing to be from this day on is someone who is happy, great to be around, warm-hearted and fully accepting her own personality.

The qualities I most want to emphasize and enjoy in myself are:

• being straightforward
• having a good sense of humor
• being great to be around
• being loving
• being determined
  and
• being able to enjoy myself and celebrate successes.

I am now ready to give life to this new image of myself, from this day forth. I commit to reinforcing these qualities until they are a deeply ingrained part of who I am and who I am seen to be. 5 years ago

I would love it if somebody else came and took the job. I would really enjoy having a best friend. 6 years ago

And I will continue to do this. I was not one of those people who were blessed with handfuls of friends growing up let alone one really good friend. My self-esteem issues prevailed and i had a dificult time maintaining friendships. My feeling that I didn’t deserve love or friendship held on for a long time. It continued with a lack of trust. I can’t say that I am over those items. I make friends easier and I trust a little easier but I am my best friend right now. I will continue to be my best frined until somebody else comes and fills those shoes. 6 years ago

I have been talking with two guys. I ont’ know where things are going with either one of them. I don’t believe that either one of them is the love of my life but they both offer something that would help me grow as a person. They both wanted to spend time with me yesterday, either in person or on the phone. I didn’t want to hang out with either one of them. I wanted to visit with my oldest daughter. I treated myself like my best freind becasuse I did what my heart told me to do. We had pizza and beer at Marcos and caught up with each other. I drove her home and then I was feeling the pressure to call oboth of these guys last night. I decided that I was going to do what I wanted to do instead. I went to the gym. (Yes, after pizza and beer, I went to the gym, weird.) and worked out for an hour and a half. I took a long hot shower and came home and fell asleep. I have had some trouble sleeping the last few days so I was very happy. I was tuckered out, relaxed and happy. Not a bad way to fall asleep. I couldn’t have been a better friend to myself. 6 years ago

I have often thought, as heartless as this might sound, that you should not use things that happened to you during your childhood as a crutch later on in life. Things happen that are beyond your control as a child but to live a sane life, you need accept it, “work through it” and move on. Very few people live a perfect life and what happens along the way shapes and molds us into who we are.

Here is where I am a hypocrite. I blame the selfishness of one husband and the lying and cheating of the second husband for my inability to trust. I blame the hurt I felt from them for my inability to love and trust again. I blame the teasing that my brother inflicted on me for so many years for my insecurities about my body. I look at the dysfunctional family atmosphere of an alcoholics home for my inablity to trust my own feelings and intuitions. I can point fingers at this and that, I am like this because of such and such, and as much as I try to learn and change, I have somewhere to lay the blame. Where does todays accontability come into play.

I have been angry a lot lately as I think back about my past, expecially concerning my two marriages. I am blaming and pointing fingers in my head, looking for somebody to take some responsibility for thier share of the failure. I realized yesterday that maybe I haven’t taken enough responsibility. I let somebody control and manipulate me, I had a choice in that. I let somebody emotionally and verbally abuse me, I had a choice in that as well. Maybe I didn’t have the confidence and self-esteem to fight while it was happening and I do need to forgive myself for that. But I can not use what happened to me back then as an excuse for my fear to trust and love again now. Pointing a finger and blaming will not erase past events or eliminate my current fear.

My best friend would tell me to let it all go. It is the past. Although past behavior often predicts future behavior, you are different. You have more confidence and self-esteem and you would not allow those same things to happen to you again. You are smarter and wiser. Stop the blame game because it is not adding any happiness in your life. Letting yourself love and trust again will add something to your life. You may run the risk of getting hurt but there is no great accomplishment without great risk. Time to let go of the anger towards the ex’s and yourself, let the forgiveness ease your pain and move on. It is time for happiness again. 6 years ago

your best friend would have said, “take your own car so you can leave if you want.” She also would have said “keep your mouth shut until you know for sure.” But most importatn of all she would say, “forgive yourself, you are human and allowed to make mistakes.” She would also say, “but now don’t be stupid and let it drag out, nip it in the bud no matter how uncomfortable.” 6 years ago

I know that I have mentioned that I am going to give up my 28 yr old tall dark and handsome but I don’t know if I really want to. It is a constant battle in my head. Unfortunately it is not really a moral one, although it probably should be. Frankly I am really just looking at it through my own selfish eyes. Asking myself is it worth it? Is it gratifying enough for all the work I have to do? Is the exciting clandestine rendez-vous going to turn into an annoying inconvenience? Is the lack of emotional connection going to slip and turn into something more than it should? I have a lot of answers to these questions, already thought of them all. Even after I make my decision to stop seeing this guy, and then I see him in person, his voice will melt me, his touch will spark a fire within me, his kiss evaporates my will and I can’t say no.

so is it pleasing or punishing? sounds like both. What is best for me? Even I, as my best friend, can’t seem to answer this question. 6 years ago

why so sad? maybe you just need to watch a good old girlie flick and do a little crying. Maybe you need to take a little more control of the situation. I have seen this before. When you let things in your life become too out of hand than you become afraid of confronting them and you tend to get depressed. This is not sadness you feel this is fear. So recognize it, acknowledge it.

So now, what are you going to do about it?

Come on you chicken, take care of it and the feeling will go away. If you feel in control of your life then you can have no fear. If you are aware, you will be less likely to be blindsided. You can do this, You need to do this.

Take control!!!! NOW! 6 years ago

need to be met
you need to go home to visit, to see the city to take some time for you with no doctors appointments.

You need to stop seeing that young tall dark and handsome, you are stressing out just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

you need to go to the gym now that you have a car and workout, ger rid of some stress.

you need to wash you sheets, stay in bed and read your book.

you need some you time. Take it. 6 years ago

Thought of this today. I was flip flopping on deadlines and not making moving forward on some stuff. My inner best friend gave me some points, like… Just do it, you can handle it., and it’ll be over with and you can move on…. It helped. 6 years ago

I watch 3 hours of tv a week. law and order, greys anatomy and beauty and the geek. This weeks episode of greys anatomy touched me. Before I even seen it happen I new that Meredith would see her mother and she would tell her that she was not ordinary. When it hit me that this is what was going to happen, it also hit me, “what would my father tell me if I died today?”

I fight with myself, I beat myself up every day for things I did do, things I didn’t do, for who I am, for what I have become, for the mistakes I made, for what I look like, for just not beign good enough.

Today, I cried like I haven’t cried in years, because I know my dad would shake me, he would lay his hand on the side of my head and tell me how proud he is of me. He would tell me that I am a great mom, that I have made many sacrifice fr my family, I am a hard worker and that I deserve the love I don;t allow myself to accept. I know that in my heart. I know exactly what he would tell to start doing and what he would tell me to stop doing. I know I have made him proud for so many reasons along the way and he would be mad at me for not treating myself better.

Dear God, why do I miss him so much now. It feels like I think about him more and more and it has been so long. Why does his being gone hurt so much more now? 6 years ago

I don’t think I’ve been doing this lately. 6 years ago

There I was yesterday saying how well I’m doing on this goal and blah blah.
And this morning I basically fail. Didn’t want to leave the house, just wanted to curl up and hide under a blanket and shut the world out. Started crying, thinking I have no control over my own life and feeling like a total loser. Said that I am a loser and that I cannot handle it anymore.

I don’t know whether all of this has to do with lack of sleep and lots of stress with work + part-time study, but whatever it is, it isn’t good.

:/ 6 years ago

I did what I really wanted to do today. 6 years ago

“When we go to our jobs, we are trading our life energy for money. The truth, while simple, is profound.”

- Your Money or Your Life

Okay, there has been the occasional ‘falling off the bandwagon’ but overall I’m much more forgiving with myself and I’m slowly moving towards truly believing that I do deserve what’s best.

I need to watch giving too much of myself at work, though. This week has been really tough on me. I, myself, am doing great in my job, it is the atmosphere and the tension in our team that’s slowly getting to me. And if the price of performing well at work is the amount of life I exchange for it, I’m only going to go so far.

I pledge to watch out for any ‘energy drainers’ and I will continue treating myself well and indulge myself occasionally. 6 years ago

I told my inner best friend that she needed to take time to not do any work today and not to feel guilty. I also told her to go get your hair done, you’ll feel better.

She listened. 6 years ago

came and left without a love in your life.
came without chocolates, flowers or kisses
came without cards or candles or romance

Valentines day came and I was without a love, a romantic love.

It came without depression, sadness, tears or regrets
it came without disappointment

It came and went.

But it did so with my belief that I will love again and as I grow in my love for me, I will find somebody to love and who will love me. Where there will be no fear, no control, no eggshells to tiptoe on, and with no illusions.

Yah for valentines.

Happy valentines day to all you lovers, I hope you had a great day!!!!! 6 years ago

Are you existing on this planet to please others?
Doesn’t what you think about you matter more than what others think of you?
Is it so wrong to please yourself?
Whose decision is it anyway?
Who will face the consequences or reap the rewards?
When will you take the time for yourself?
If you ddon’t treat yourself right why should others?

You are a great person. You should be proud of yourself. You deserve happiness. YOU MATTER!!! To me and many others.

Thanks for the slap in the back of the head and hug to follow.
Now that is taking care of yourself. 6 years ago

It is okay to have this fling with a younger man.
It is okay to go to lunch when you want if the other guy doesn’t want to speak up about his wishes.
It is okay to ask for what you want.
It is okay to feel hurt by that guy a while ago.
It is okay to feel scared.
It is okay to feel overwhelmed.
You have the right to brush off gulit other people lay on you.
You have the right to say no.
You have the right to be annoyed.
You should feel good about the way you look.
You should buy that expensive nailpolish, you work hard and deserve it.
It is nice to see you smile and laugh and enjoy your life.

Thank you for being my best friend today. 6 years ago

I thought of this goal tonight as I left a party early. I’m pretty low energy because of how busy I am and I think I’m getting sick. I thought if I was my own best friend, I’d tell myself go home and go to bed early. You don’t have to stay and schmooze. 6 years ago

Remember, your greatest ally or most powerful enemy is one and the same person – you.

- Fiona Harrold

Right here, right now I make the decision to appreciate myself more, give credit where it’s due, talk myself up. Cultivate kindness, compassion and respect – for myself. It’s my life. I choose to never demean or demoralize myself in public or private. I’ll drop false modesty. I’ll speak only well of myself. 6 years ago