I was at a swanky (not so much) birthday at the Caption Cook Hotel (huge, fancy place) last night. Overall, it was a good night.

But the most memorable part of the night was pool volleyball. We decided to have an intense match (4 on 4) but the only ball was a huge blow up ball. We decided it would have to work. Five minutes in and we were all screaming and saying somewhat inappropriate things. Out of nowhere a ball came at me and I went to volley it back, but for some weird reason I didn’t predicted the weightlessness of the ball and it shot right up to the ceiling. It took out two tiles on the way. The tiles came crashing down on two heads (mine was one of them) before they hit the water.

We laughed, but then we had to deal with the broken ceiling issue. Good times.

Well, I won’t give too many details on this post; I am at a lack of time and cool words, so use your imagination if you want an epilogue.

Wednesday. 1:30pmish

So I was at work (library). And I had some extra time during my ‘lunch break’ and I decided to play a prank on my friend, Jeremy. Before I go on, let me use some words to describe Jeremy. Arrogant. Calls me bad names. Idiot. Prank calls me a lot. Now that that is done, ONWARD with the story. So, I got on www.teenchat.com (first result in google when I looked for teen chatroom) and logged on as ‘petite_girl_with_huge_boobies_4_stud’ (this has nothing to do with the real me (hehe)). Well, I automatically started spamming ‘PHONE SEX ANYONE?!”

Now, if you have ever been in a chatroom (which I hope you haven’t) then you know that they are filled with horny little (or big) boys. So I was bamboozled with requests. And do you know what I did with thoe requests? I gave out Jeremy’s number.

Now, I know what you are thinking; I am evil. But truly, after years of ‘ring and hang ups’ from Jeremy I think he had it coming. Also, this one time he put a tac on my seat (6th grade) and I suffered great emotional pain. I have never laughed so hard at work. I would love to think of how many angry (and sexually hungry) men called Jeremy. Toodles.

Thursday, March 8th. 8pm. Orchestra Concert
I would really rather spare the words for this entry. I actually would perfer not to think of this. I haven’t decided if this is quite hilarious or disgusting. Either way, I am posting it. I’m sorry if you read this and understand it.

My own old Grandpa. Front row. Legs open. Male camel toe. Balls. Nuts. Gonads. Nads. All friends within area saw. People laughed. He had no clue. Did not fix male camel toe. 30 minutes of agony. So, so hard not to look.

I’m done. That was brutal to write.

Monday, March 5th, 2007
So, I was in school (my 3rd period) and this noticablely gay (by gay I mean homosexual) German (by German I mean gross accent and three rows of teeth). Anyways, he came to me, and needless to say he freaks me out a little (I mean that in that nicest way). Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he starts to meow like a kitty. I was so spooked. I looked around to see if anyone else noticed and then I hid inside my jacket. Then all of a sudeen, out no where, I hear a whale noise. He was animalizing me (it was brutal). Of course I didn’t think this gesture was funny, I was rather scared shitless, but everyone else in the class thought it was funny.

After he had done some more wild animal noises (tigers, bears, ect) he finally left, and at that point I almost died in my chair. The whole thought of the incident was hilarious (and creepy).

On stage. Third Act of Play. Friday the 16th of Febuary 2007

Well, I am in a corny melodrama that is unbelieveably over the top. And asks a lot from the audience. The audience is allowed to throw popcorn when they aren’t pleased and allowed to boo, aww, and hiss. Personally, I think the popcorn was a terrible idea.

So I’m onstage. Arguing about some little thing in the play. And out of nowhere this bag of popcorn comes and smacks me in the face. It was one of my friends in the front row that I was facing away from. Well I forgot my immediate lines because of the popcorn to my head, so I had to adlib a little. The whole time the crowd is laughing their asses off, so I decided to pick up the popcorn and eat a little of it. That grabbed even more laughs. The whole time I was trying not to burst into laughter while still giving mixed up lines. I was very relieved when that scene was over.

Today. Sam’s Club (large outlet store). 4pm
I was being as boring as ever and buying some nice bulk undies (yes, I know). Then all of a sudden, out of no where, a huge package of condoms is hurled at my head. I still have no clue who opened it and threw them, but in the blink of an eye I was surrounded by condoms. I tried to pick them up quickly while people passed me and laughed. Very mortifying. Very hilarious.

My life is filled with hilarious moments and the last three days have been especially eventful.

1

Friday. Advanced calc. per 5.
Elisha (whiney, gay boy) taps me with his huge graphing calculator. I say, “No, I’m fine, I have one, thanks.” Conversation ensues.
“No, read it,” he says.
So, I read it out loud, and it said, “Want to disappear forever.”
Automatically I assume it’s a death threat, so of course I quickly move away from him.
“Is that a death threat Elisha?!” I yell.
“No, it says ‘I want to disappear forever’!”
Great, so he is suicidal. Either way, it was hilarious. Then he went into a pity party, but that is for another time.

2

Saturday night. Pool party. War time.
Imagine this. Jocelyn (me) gets hit in the face with rubber duck so she automatically loses her mind and starts to wail. Jocelyn (I like this 3rd person thing) takes a noodle (water toy) and starts to wail on Caitlin (rubber duck thrower). Jocelyn gets really into it and smacks Caitlin in the head 10+ times all the while screaming, “WHO IS YOUR DADDY?! WHO IS YOUR DADDY BITCH?!”
Caitlin didn’t answer for a while but then she gave in with the pain. She wailed, “Jocelyn is! Jocelyn!!”
“No, I can’t hear you! Louder bitch!”
“JOCELYN IS MY DADDY!”
Massive ass kicking then moved to different victim.

3

Saturday night again. 2 am.
At this point in the night, I was working my ass off to haul a heavy mattress into a basement room (a wee bit drunk). Wile I was distracted by the mattress, I stepped in a wonderfully warm and squishy pile of dog shit. Inside the house. Quickly I ran (stumbled) to the bathroom to wash off the crap on my foot just in time for Jasmine (meanie) to get a shameful picture of me with my foot in the sink and a disgusted look on my face. That picture won’t take long to get on myspace. We laughed for approximately 10 minutes.

One entry down, twenty nine to go.