say why I aint so easy

partially because it may not be so true
my heart is much bigger
bigger than i was told it was
than i accepted it to be
sure i can be specific and unruly and cowboylike
but
none the lesssss
i am pretty good at,,,,given the situation,,,,,having comfortability
around
and, actually, i sort of like, sensing it, feeling if it could be there and letting it pull itself in

but as much as there are times when i want to be “with”
there are times when i like to be
by myself
it’s calming and makes sense to me

“hi, what are you doin? Can we meet for a little bit?”
“Well, actually i don’t think so tonight.”
“Why?”
fourth call or text later, “why”
why
this was a free night i had, no responsibilities and i decided to just hang out with myself; do the laundry, cook some Baltic chicken, take a chair down to the parking lot with a beer and a cigar and let the sun disappear
she couldn’t let it go, wouldn’t just let me say no
“so i guess this is it!”

I don’t want to do anything

I still don’t want to do anything

i have a turkey that i got from Cabella’s-giant outdoor sports store
on my dashboard
it moves it’s tail and neck when the car moves

i have a turkey that i got from Cabella’s-giant outdoor sports store
on my dashboard
it moves it’s tail and neck when the car moves

he said matter of factly
how long does one stay adrift before you call it lost?

i don’t mind finding the out of the way place, behind the retaining wall in amongst the brambles, to bring a chair, some water, a cigar and a book

sometimes too much pushes me to less than interested
even really good things
like
too much to say- even if it is worthy saying
or
too many good photographs, even if they are good
i tend to start to hear and see it as losing less of what it had in the beginning,
ok ok, you got it, good great,
show me some stupid stuff now too
too many sensitive photograhs of peeling rust or perfect geometry, and you begin to see evidence of the perfection has been dialed up in the new brilliance of technology, not the finger pusher in the dark room

see, here i am giving evidence of talking stupid, so i must be ok