be closer to my brother

I have big news from my brother. Like, monumental… but he swore me to secrecy. I suspected what was coming but it still caught me a little by surprise. He actually made me promise not to tell part of it to anyone, including my husband!

I should have told him right from the start I couldn’t promise that, but I really wanted him to tell me. Maybe I’m a bad sister but I did spill the news to my hubby. What can I say? He is my bestfriend and it was too much to keep to myself. I feel guilty – but I do know it will go no farther until my brother decides to spread it farther himself.

So I’m not going to post it here… but I am going to say there were two parts, and the second part floored me a bit. I just hope he is making the right decisions and that he will be happy with the choices he is making.

Deep down I still feel like the big sister. I want to protect him, but he is a big boy now and he can do as he chooses. All I can do is be supportive and let him know I’ll be there for him through whatever comes.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the end of the world or anything. It’s just, well… I think you’ll understand when I write my next entry about this (whenever that will be). It’s a big deal for me and my family, and it is going to take time for us to adjust.

I really do love him.

His birthday is Thursday.

Note to self: Wrap present I got, buy card, and call him.

I don’t have just one brother I want to be closer to, I have two. And I’m really struggling with it. For seven years now, I’ve been the part-time sister. I’ve never been any good with getting involved in thier lives, mostly because they’ve never really included me. It wasn’t until recently when the actually started asking me to do minor things with them. Watch a show on TV, or take a walk to the store. And most times, those things are done in complete silence.

Called brother. Made effort, but non-productive convo. He has terrible phone skills. Very disheartening…

Where is the Ben & Jerry’s?

My brother’s ex-gf broke up with him a week after Christmas. She broke up with him the day after she got back from a four day trip with her family… after he had house-sat the whole time. A week after he gave her a really expensive present. Nasty bit of business, but that is all I’m going to day about that.

Anyway he decided it was time to get out of the area, so he is now moved out of my parents house and into an apartment near where I live. All in the last month. The catch is… I haven’t seen it yet. In fact, I’ve barely even seen the kid since Christmas.

I guess I’m still a little hung up on Christmas. First of all, he didn’t get anyone in my family a gift because he was so strapped for cash. But, I heard through the grapevine what he got his ex a really expensive gift. He wasn’t even going to come over for Christmas Eve, but I was a good sister and I called and asked him to. I told him how important it was to me that he was with us on Christmas. I was really happy to have the whole family together but it made me sad that he didn’t even try to make it on his own. I guess I should be thankful that he came at all, even though I had to beg him…

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like giving up on this goal. No matter how hard I try it never gets me anywhere, and I’m the only one making any kind of effort.

Don’t worry, I’m not done yet. I am going to call my brother by the end of this week and talk to him. I’m not going to bring up anything important, but I will try to open the communication lines a little bit. Maybe he will even invite me over to see his new place! (Probably overly optimistic.) I’m guessing I will have to invite myself over if I really want to see him, but if that is what it takes it is worth a shot.

I don’t think I can hold myself responsible for all of our relationship problems. I feel really guilty sometimes for being so resentful, and I feel like I should be doing more to reach out… but at the same time it takes two people to make a relationship work. Any kind of relationship. And I don’t think I can beat myself up too badly if I’m holding my hand out there and he decides not to reach back. Ultimately he is responsible too.

I know that deep down he still cares about his family. One way or another he will always be my brother, I just wish I could say he was my friend.

:(

It was a rocky summer for my brother and I. He had a messy breakup with his girlfriend (a.k.a. was dumped for another guy). He started to confide in me… but then they got back together and all our progress ended. I won’t go into details, but it was not fun. I was a good supportive sister, and I did not bad mouth her (thank goodness). He was really devastated over the whole thing, but he seems happier now. I’m glad that he is ok… but I can’t stop being the big sister. I just keep my mouth shut and my ears open when it comes to his relationship.

Now they are talking about moving in together, and I can’t help but hope that it doesn’t happen. As much as I want to see him independant (and moved out of my parent’s house), I don’t think it is the best idea to jump into that right away. It’s hard enough to move out on your own for the first time without the added trouble of living together with your gf.

In any case, like I said I am keeping my lips zipped. I will vent here and nowhere else… and I will keep my fingers crossed and pray that he makes a wise decision.

Anyway, my fiance is trying really hard to build a relationship with him. I am so proud of him for trying! He has been asking my brother to hang out, and he also asked him to be a Groomsman in our wedding. He is such a sweetheart, and my brother seems to be responding well.

I am hoping it is the start of something good!

I’m not sure what is the normal/standard sibling talk time , but I’m pretty sure that I am below average on this one. My brother and I never got into a huge fight, but we drifted apart in high school, and then basically never talked to each other in college except if we were home at the same time for holidays. It has gotten so bad that when I mention that I do have a brother, my friends would stare incredulously at me and tell me that they thought I was an only child. The point is I know he’s going through an important transition right now, family is family and I’m going to make an effort to call him and talk to him each month. I noticed there’s quite a lot of people who want to be closer to their brother, I know it’s not easy to be the first one to pick up the phone, but I wish everyone the best of luck.

He called me :) Mainly to thank me for his birthday present, but we actually had a bit of a chat! It rarely happens these days, and if so it always seems to be online, so it was lovely to hear his voice. I will make sure I make a real effort to spend time with him when we next have the chance.
Oh I loved that he called, can’t stop smiling now :D

I am now calmed down, and less jaded. I guess the whole thing just kind of threw me for a loop. I thought things were going so well… we were doing stuff together and getting along better than we have in a while and then the party thing happened. I felt like a got the wind knocked out of me! But. I am over it now and I am ready to start fresh.

Now that school is out I am going to double my efforts.

My new goal within a goal for this summer is this:

I want my brother and his gf to be comfortable hanging out with me, and I will do my best (and not just say it’s my best) to befriend them both.

Here goes nothing, I have a lot of work to do but I am going to be positive.

So the last time I saw my brother was Mothersday 2007. I have only talked to him probaly twice in the last year. I really need to send him and email or give him a call. I really do hope all is well with him and that we could get a better relationship.