Complete "The Artist's Way"

Well i got the voluteering placement on the film set and it was just bizaare because I was given the exact job the ‘wet blanket’had been talking me out of previously. So major major synchronocity! But I seemed to have screwed up the fledgling proposals of a love life I was offered.
Volunteering has taken up a lot of my time so for week 6 I barely did any tasks, and once again no real artists date, although I danced aroud a lot which is on my list. Actually being on a film set is like a mega artist date! Although I’m in productionl, would love to be on set but unsure what I could do, probably just end up as a runner.
What else, I bought The Tao of Pooh which seems to correspond with quite a bit of Julia’s ‘teachings’ and just fits with my situation. And the money-watching came up just when I was worrying about how much money I’d been spending on trivial things. Anyway all is good at the moment, and I’ve been writing my morning pages everyday, generally in the morning, on Sunday, this week however it was in the evening.
On one day I wrote about who blocked my creativity, but didn’t write openly about it, for fear someone would read it (namely the person),as it’s happened before. Then I seemed out of sorts all day and everything seemed to go wrong, so don’t know how to broach that honestly, it’s a big subject, and a complicated one!
Need to get going with week 7’s tasks, and also do the daily reading of basic principles plus artist’s prayer.

I’m either feeling a whole dollop load of synchronocity, the really good kind. Or I’m just very positive and seeing there are lots of doors open to me. Which it didn’t feel like on Friday. I finished my internship and then was told the long road to the film job I want, and felt like I was being totally shot down. Probably a wet blanket kind of person. But when I got back home exhausted etc, everyone was positive and suddenly I have lots of possibilities. I’ve just found a short play competition/festival looking for writers, and actors/directors etc. Which I’ve just started converting a short story for. And maybe I’ll see once I’ve submitted it, if I could act/direct as well (yeah I know I have to make the cut first…positivity!). There’s a film project happening majorly close to home, which would be amazing if they need me to help volunteer for them. That would be so cool-fingers crossed-. What else a short film project that’s looking for actors, which I’m gonna see if they still need people. I wouldn’t have applied before as I have no ‘formal’ acting training or even a show reel, but it’s no pay, and I sorta have a one minute clip of me acting teehee. It never hurts to see, so I’ll have a go. Plus a load of jobs coming up in areas I’m interested in- and also areas of town which is very cool, and smaller things as well. It’s all good! Hope others are getting equally happy vibes!

i’ve had this book for about 5 years, and i’ve started the course at least three times. who knows, perhaps 2009 is the year i will complete it?

I know where I went wrong. Part of the reading for this week was about self-sabotage, which is exactly what happened. I’m taking steps to cultivate more understanding toward situations like this.

I can’t believe it’s the last week!

I give up…

Well I finished, I wasn’t perfect, I screwed up and noticed that I had read things without meaning to, just by the very fact I was on the tube and you can’t look at people so you look at signs etc/over people’s shoulders at newspapers etc.
I was also set tasks where I had to read, but it wasn’t where you could get lost doing it, it was more quite specific, and involved writing really.
I did read things like horoscopes, some things online I watched tv and I used my ds, not excessively though-until Sunday!
I could have done this a lot better, but I still felt like i had a revelation. I also noticed I barely do anything for the artist’s dates. Which is quite bad. I’ve generally no idea where to go or what to do.
On the Saturday I sort of woke up feeling uneasy and worked through some stuff in the morning pages, then went rollerblading whilst taking photos :) Which was fun, and quite yes-manish. That felt like finding myself a bit more, I used to love rollerblading. And I felt uncomfortable in the situations I found myself in, not totally sure how to change them though. Realised the business I’m going for is very hollow, and that I want to work with people directly and help them. In some way. Not necessairly fix them, but inspire or improve their day etc.
I also need to experience way more, and want to live abroad again. Things I already knew but had squished down, due to money and job and responsibility ideas. I also sort of figured out I have relationship issues, mainly I don’t have one, and I kind of like it that way, but then again I also don’t but can’t seem to reconcile the two feelings. Which probably confuses guys:=) I mean it confuses me…
Umm other hiccups…. I had a lot of lunch time pages, and noticed that I was somewhat flustered and things went awry when I did that.

Also had a lot of synchronocity!

A really weird example, I was feeling crappy and wrote in the morning pages that I wanted a cute guy to ask me out. One asked for my number on the tube, who was actually sweet and interesting.

I was getting fed up with one small job and complaining on the phone, got another call at the same time telling me I was needed urgently in the office.

A lot of things have been synchronized actually, and I only realise later. Quite wonderful really.

I was rubbish at the tasks and barely did any, all time was taken with internship. Sort of catching up at the moment.

Week 5 is less complicated methinks…mainly cos I’ve forgotten what it’s about…will get back to that.

I was doing so well until I hit a creative U-turn this week. I’m feeling lost now, and trying to remember all that great advice I’ve been learning for the past couple months.

This is going to be interesting, although not impossible as I should be busy most of the day doing an internship. Which will more likely involve a lot of running around rather than reading. I do have a long commute though, and will probably want to chill and ‘numb’ out after it.
I’m going to take Julias reading deprivation to mean no ‘numbing out’ activity. So no binge tv watching, youtube surfing, wiki entries/yahoo news, obsessive checking of email, or overdoing job search-looking at masses of pages and losing count of what I could actually apply to, very little ds and movie watching. And I’m going to try and eat on ‘my own’, not in front of the tv, internet etc, but rather just focusing on the food.

Think this is Julia’s way of getting us to be mindful and present, rather than blocking out worries/unpleasant chores, or even fun stuff due to fear. Or at least this is my interpretation. I made a long list of things I can do instead of my numbing out activites and will try and follow through with this.
-Stuff where you’re not numbing out but rather getting facts/info (quickly) etc I will count as acceptable reading. Don’t think I personally use reading so much to numb out, maybe more on the internet… Hmm anyway will see how this goes, and shouldn’t be back on 43things till next week (if all goes to plan…)

Managed to do all days morning pages (so far), only missed one day’s affirmations, and I think an evening and a morning affirmative reading.
Gonna read chapter 4 now…

Okay, the reading deprivation started off strong, I didn’t watch or read anything for the entire first day. Sweet! Went to bed early after spinning in my chair until dizzy. Actually, I would say passed out in my clothes on top of the sheets with the lights on… before my parents went to bed. Wow.

Day two: I got up early, made it through most of the day, then decided that it would be impossible for me not to watch anything. I didn’t have anything to do. So I watched an episode or two of the Office. No big deal.

Day three: I realize I’m probably sick. Spend all day on the couch watching movies and TV. Take my temperature. 102. I realize I’m definitely sick.

Days four-six: More TV, but no video games, and still no reading… or youtube, actually, which is an accomplishment in its own right. All the TV helped with the no reading. Then, I realized that I wasn’t getting anything done like what I’m supposed to by watching TV all day, so I called it off.

Long story short: I’m going to try this again when I have enough stuff that I can do that I don’t have to read to stay sane. I just can’t get myself to work for my own good when I’m sick. Deadlines, sure, but I put my health before my self. Hopefully next time I’ll manage the sickness sooner and quit slacking, or else just not get sick… either way works.

I’m still not sure if the reading deprivation and the illness are at all related. I’m leaning toward yes, since this is like no illness I’ve ever had. No sneezing, coughing, running nose, basically no bodily fluids at all aside from the usual. And that’s weird, because I have pretty much constant (“seasonal”) allergies. So that means psychosomatic symptoms (including lack of energy, suspicious) that got in the way of what I wanted to do, which means that was the whole point of the symptoms. So why don’t I want to spend a whole week being creative? Beats me. I think if I mastered the morning pages, I could probably figure it out, but they tease. They tease me so. I think I’m getting better, though. The last two times I did them (about a week ago, before I decided to stop the deprivation) I decided to make them much less legible and just write whatever comes to me as soon as it does, abandoning any thought that I was still writing down. The problem has been that I think about 5-10 times as fast as I write. It was the cause of much angst during AP English test prep. Anyway, I’ll have to ask myself next time why I took my reading deprivation with a side order of C4.

And yes, those two books are still waiting impatiently for me. I’m finishing up reading the last Harry Potter book for the second time. I guess I haven’t named them yet… Ender’s Shadow by Orson Scott Card and Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. Still excited about those.