Stop avoiding my feelings and stop being afraid of rejection

especially the second part. When you go speed dating you have to expect some level of rejection. I’ve also stopped avoiding my feelings concerning several people, which is very very good.

i really want someone special, someone i could have a deep relationship with, but for some strange reason my subconscious keeps me from making the steps. i feel ashamed if i have feelings for someone. do you ever feel it just wouldn’t be the right time for a relationship? would a relationship help or provide a mask for insecurity? it’s like i watch love movies and long to have what they have, but somehow i feel i don’t deserve it. it’s just so scary trusting someone else with your heart. i don’t know what to do.

seriously and then you’ll realize how good it is to be able to breathe again. sometimes we think of things in a negative way even before they actually happen. and guess what, sometimes they dont. but if they do, then you have a power to foresee the future, but that doesnt mean you should avoid it. Remember, you only live this second once in a life time. Dont live it so that one day you’ll regret it and wonder what it could have been. You destine your own destiny.

I’m just tired of being tired, of feeling less important, of feeling lonely, of never being able to express whats going on inside me. I need a reason to believe everything will work out fine, but every time I try to and let go I get hurt.
I dont know where to start and I dont know if I can let someone in. I’m trying, and I’m afraid if I take too long or I try too hard, I’ll lose him. The only person who I’ve ever allowed to care about me and not push away. How do you know what to say and when to say it. I’m so afraid that he’ll not want me that I’ll end up pushing him away cause it’s easier for me to hurt myself then to let him do it.

Most of the time i reckon i think way too much.. and am always worried by things i shouldnt have been worried by. i guess, this is another form of my protective machanisms…

People always say i am weird… and i dont wanna be an outcast. In the last couple of years, i always try my best keep my feelings to myself, try my best to get along and do thing i dont actually feel. keep telling myself it’s okay to be one of ‘em if i cant beat ‘em. However, i dont think this really helps me much. At the end of the day, people still think i am odd. so what the point of trying to get along, avoid my feelings and not being myself?

I know in myslef there will be another time in where i will avoid my feelings and be afraid of rejection, but I have helped myself for now.

A couple of months ago I stoped avoiding my feelings for a guy and I enjoyed myself for about 2 months. That is now over but I met someone on the weekend and got his number. I normally wouldn’t message a person, but yesterday I sent a simple message in hope of a reply. Which I didnt get. But I took that step that I might be rejected. My heart was pounding after I sent the message to him. But I did face my fear of rejection, and it’s not that bad. Your ego gpes down but thats about it. It’s not like I really knew the guy anyway.

well I’ve met somebody new, and yeah its early days. I’m now just waiting for it to all go wrong and for him to just go. So far things are going great but I can’t help how I feel even if all the signs for point at me being so wrong!!.

WHAT HAPPENED I USED TO BE SO SECURE?

..well ive finally started being honest with my self and to 1 of my mates and it feels a positive step!!

a lot of my other entries relate closely to this one. I think when I can do this I will be able to do a lot more positive things with my life. I just need to figure out how!