It’s time to put an end to the spatchcockery, with a big thank you to everyone who spatchticipated. I’d like to personally conspatulate you all for your efforts and achievements in raising public awareness and understanding of the word spatchcock. I would mention you all in dispatches, but I’m a bit spatched out right now. I’ve only just been released from the spatchtitution and I need some proper rest and respatchation.

More people are using the word spatchcock now than ever before, and it is my firm contention that this trend is spatched to continue. With due diligence and spatchtention to detail, we can all spatch a part in making this a more spatchcock friendly world. Get this damn spatchjacket off me! Remember to keep spatchcocking. As they say, spatchtice makes perfect. I’m absolutely fine. Make the clucking noise go away! Make the clucking noise go away!

Keep it spatchcock folks!

Prof. Bligh.

I have found a definition:

spatch·cock (spăch’kŏk)

n. A dressed and split chicken for roasting or broiling on a spit.

tr.v., -cocked, -cock·ing, -cocks.

1. To prepare (a dressed chicken) for grilling by splitting open.
2. To introduce or interpose, especially in a labored or unsuitable manner: “Some excerpts from a Renaissance mass are spatchcocked into Gluck’s pallid Don Juan music” (Alan Rich).

[Perhaps alteration of spitchcock, a way of cooking an eel.]

_{ha ha ha ha ha I love the part where it says “-cocked, -cock·ing, -cocks”}

Are raised in a spatchcockery?

Or would you serve it on a spatchcrockery?

LOL or is this post just a spatchcock mockery?

_{Is spatchcock not THE best word you heard all day???}

featured Spatchcocked Chicken (though they called it ‘Airline Chicken’ – still can’t reason why any chef would name his poultry creation after the world’s notoriously worst cuisine.

First time I successfully used the word Spatchcock in a public forum. I think it’s time for caps and gowns, Professor.

you’ve spatchcocked so much that I had a dream last night about spatchcocking entries. I don’t remember much about it, but I think Bella was up to something!!!

I was driving home after my last leg of running errands and was in the biggest hurry to relax after a long day… when suddenly… there were red and blue lights flashing behind me. I pulled over, hoping he needed to pass me up in pursuit of a vicious criminal… but NO! He pulled up behind me. I spatchcocked loudly before rolling down my window. “Do you know why I pulled you over?” Well, now. If that isn’t the dumbest question. Really. If I respond that he pulled me over for speeding but he really pulled me over for blowing a stop sign a few miles back, do I get both tickets? Can I plead the 5th?

He took my license and registration and settled back in his cruiser for a while… a longer while… a way too long while. When he finally came back, he said my license had been spatchcocked for over a year. Since I was otherwise clean, he wouldn’t spatchcock me this time, but I’d better get it cleared up at the DMV. I was to drive straight home, here’s a ticket for speeding, and it allows me to drive without a license for the next hour. After that, if I’m caught driving, I will definitely be spatchcocked. I thanked him profusely – imagine a little girl like me being spatchcocked! – and drove straight home (at five miles under the speed limit).

Today I had my license dispatchcocked, and all is well again. Whew! That was a close shave! I have to watch my lead foot, so I don’t get pulled over and possibly spatchcocked the next time.

and Spatchcock Veterans alike, here is part of the thread Stacey was referring to:

Stacey said:

Resume bloopers

An article from Yahoo Jobs about Real-Life Resume Blunders to Avoid. I love this bit about not being mysterious or vague:

“Last but not least, it’s best to forego smoke and mirrors. You don’t want to leave hiring managers scratching their heads, like the following applicant surely did: “I am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone’s door to absorb as much as possible.”

Tiger to Stacey

Ah! but you can Spatchcock!

YOUR application can say, “I am a knife with an infant chicken taped to it. My purpose is to spatchcock it into someone’s door and absorb as much as possible.”

No smoke and mirrors there! Am I right, Professor?

Professor Bligh responded

Make sure it’s an oak door so the spatchcock can absorb the nice oaky flavours while you roast it, which obviously requires setting fire to the door. Of course, you might not get the job after setting fire to the boardroom door and causing extensive smoke damage to the building (unless you happen to be applying for the position of spatchcock roaster, in which case they might take you on for your sheer imagination and creative flair. Or should that be creative flare?

No mirrors, but plenty of smoke. You’ll be a spatchcocking legend. You’ll attract a huge following, mostly from law enforcement officers, but hey, it’s a start isn’t it?

Excellent work. A+

Keep it spatchcock!

Tiger to Professor Bligh

Thank you, professor! I’ve always wanted to be a Spatchcock legend in my own time. (Proudly strutting like a peacock showing off her A+)

Professor Bligh to Tiger

You’re welcome. I know how hard you worked for that A+. You set a standard for other would-be spatchettes to aspire to.

It has been said that the English will adamantly tell you that the only definition of “spatchcock” is a young chicken, no more than 6 weeks old. IMHO, a six-week-old chicken is barely a mouthful and hardly worth the effort.

According to Princeton University:

Spatchcock (n) : flesh of a chicken (or game bird) split down the back and grilled (usually immediately after being killed).
(v) 1: prepare for eating – if or as if a spatchcock – of foul
(v) 2: interpolate or insert into a sentence or story of words

Now we’re talking! Definition verb#2 is the one I’m running with! Let’s all spatchcock!

“increase public anderstanding and awareness” will necessarily being with my increasing my own understanding of the word “spatchcock.” To this end, i humbly submit myself to the spatchcock-ular tutelage of Prof Superbligh.
_{Bows deeply in utmost reverence before his superior and unequaled knowledge of all things spatchcock}

The word “spitchcock” has recently been brought to my attention by my learned colleague Prof. Paolo. As you may have noticed, “spitchcock” sounds a bit like “spatchcock”, and having two such similar words is liable to cause confusion and distress in the public at large. My advice to you is:

DON’T PANIC!

Below are some simple guidelines to help you understand and remember the differences between these two tricky but essential everyday words:

1. If “spatchcock” is something you do to a bird, then “spitchcock” is doing pretty much the same thing to an eel.
2. “Spitchcock” also means to treat severely. Because of her transgression, he gave her a damn good spitchcocking.
3. Given the choice, most people prefer a spatchcock to a spitchcock, although there is a growing contingent of spitchcockophiles (also known as eelophants).
4. Spitchcocking is outlawed in several US states.
5. While spatchcock can mean interpolate, spitchcock has the meaning extrapolate: Using a linear spitchcockolation, he determined the phase retardation at zero driving voltage.

Rather surprisingly, “spitchcock” has a completely different etymology to the word “spatchcock”. In his 1930 film “Eel’s Freefalling”, director Alfred Spitchcock depicts a scene in which a number of eels are gruesomely split open and and then thrown out of an aeroplane. This severe treatment of eels thereafter became known as spitchcocking (apart from the chucking them out of the aeroplane bit).

So there you go. Mystery solved. Before you know it you’ll be spitchcocking and spatchcocking with gay abandon. But remember folks: never use a spitchcock if a spatchcock will do just as well.

Keep it spatchcock!

Prof. Bligh. (Charlie Chuckwit professor for the public understanding of the the word “spatchcock”)