Believe in love again

My ex-girlfriend and I broke it off about 5 years ago. At the time we were 19 and crazy about each other. After a year and a half of dating she started to nag at me so much about how I didn’t put enough effort into our relationship. Looking back I had many stresses in my life and I felt I was balancing way too much so I needed to cut her loose. It was my decision to sever the relationship. We still connected, but I felt I needed to move on and see what else was out there for me. Not so much relationship wise, but to just be free and do what I want.

She quickly found a new boyfriend after we broke up and I was devastated, especially because he and I were completely the opposite. He, an atheist, metro sexual, vegan, short, skinny, strait edge (no alcohol no drugs, not even Advil), singer in a scream-O band, from a broken family, and I, a tall, All-American type, college football player, hold strong family values, and a Christian. While we were dating I became quite close with her family, especially her mother, and remain close with them to this day.

Her mother and the rest of the family hated her new boyfriend because he pulled her away from the family and manipulated her into choosing him over her family, particularly during mother’s day, and other family gatherings. Over the five years of them dating it brought some much pain and distance between her and her family.

The ex-girlfriend and I would talk occasionally through text messages and the random phone call from time to time for the first 2 years, but nothing more than “hi how are things going?” conversations. As time went on I found myself missing her, and missing the relationship that we had, and I constantly found myself comparing her to other girls that I would meet and they would never add up to what and who she was. Even more, I knew I was a much better match for her than the guy she was with, and I wanted so much to show her and make a difference. About 3 years ago she called me up and said that she missed our friendship and wanted to go out on a date, while she was still with the strait edge boyfriend. We went out together for dinner on multiple occasions after the first date while she was dating this guy, but it never escalated to more than dinner. We often talked about our old feelings and how we both still loved one another. Many times we both wound up in tears talking bout how we adored one another, knowing full well that she didn’t see herself ever tying the knot with this guy, especially because her family didn’t really accept him. She would tell me that she wanted to try to get back together at some point, she just didn’t know how it would work.

One night we met up for a night out on the town, about a year ago, and after a few drinks one thing lead to another and we were lip locked the entire night. That same night I drove her back to her parents house to drop her off for. We visited with her parents until late that night, and she insisted that she would only stay at my house. I took her home with the intention to only fall asleep, but she quickly took her clothes off, as well as mine, and you can figure out the rest.

The next morning she felt awful that she had cheated knowing she had to tell him and possibly break up with him. She told him the news, but he manipulated her back into dating him, she apologized to me in a text message, and I was left heartbroken. I felt betrayed and fell into a depression. I lost all belief in love after that.
Her mother worried about me, and I kept in touch with me, talking weekly. I began to move on with my life, but always found that I had a soft spot in my heart for the ex-girlfriend still after what she put me through.

About a month and a half ago I began seeing a girl that, just by chance, had become good friends with my ex-girlfriend, and my ex-girlfriend found out about it. My ex-girlfriend asked her friend to not date me, and she even contact me to see if we could patch things up. I declined to meet up with her, I felt that it would be too much for me. My ex-girlfriend broke up with her boyfriend (the metro sexual vegan) soon after, and moved in with her sister. By chance I ran into my ex-girlfriend at a football game and we began to talk. She told me she wanted to make it up to me for the rest of her life and wanted to try to date again. We ended up getting drunk and back to my house. I told her we couldn’t have sex, and she agreed. She said she wanted to take it slow and try to get to know one another, and I agreed.

She has been still talking to her ex-boyfriend, because she wanted to keep their friendship, while she and I have been talking. She is so lost…..she sometimes opens up to me and sometimes she is distant and sort of cold. She isn’t completely committed to getting to know me again, at least not yet. She just found out that her ex-boyfriend has been seeing other girls since their break up and she has recently found out that he had cheated on her multiple times while they were dating. She feels as though she has been betrayed and has become even more distant with me. She is so damn confused. In the midst of all of the drama I remain waiting, wishing, hoping…… sometimes I just want to tell her I’m over it and can’t handle not knowing where she stands. I feel that I deserve better than this, but just don’t think I can find better than her if she did finally become herself again. I’m just so damn hard headed and have fought for everything that I want in my life. I feel that if I give up that I will have failed her and myself. So I continue to fight on. I recently took her out on a date and had a great time for the first half of the date, but then she became distant during the second half of the date. She said she had a great time with me and we should go out more often…..but I don’t believe she is ready to go out more often.

I wish she would just wake up and figure out what she wants in life. I try not to go crazy about it and I feel myself caring less and less as this goes on. I’m wondering if I should just cut her free and let her figure things out on her own and maybe one day she will come back to me. There just isn’t that connection we used to have. I feel we are just draggin this out.

I went to another country when I was 25. I met a boy who was 6 years younger while I was traveling and went to visit him back in his home. We got together, but it wasn’t a good match. Anyway, I stayed for four months there. During that time, I met one of his friends, who I really hit it off with. It was something amazing to me. I told my “boyfriend”, I thought I loved this friend. Of course, this was upsetting to him. After that, I felt bad about it and so I left the country and went home. I called the friend before I left just to say goodbye. I never told him how I felt. Almost 20 years later, this friend contacts me on a public web forum. He said he’d been trying to contact me all this time, but couldn’t find me. That I really impacted his life. I regret I never contacted him, but at that time I didn’t know how he felt. Now he has a girlfriend, etc. I am not in a relationship, but I have two kids. All of my old feelings came straight back. It was as though I left that country yesterday. We chatted for a bit in the beginning, but he was worried his girlfriend would find out. Now we still send messages to each other, but he wants to be friends. I feel like my heart is broken. The one person I feel like I truly loved, I can never have. I don’t even know what direction to go in now…I feel lost, angry and confused…

My story begins at the age of 15. We were in the same school, I got to know him through my best friend and we connected. We started hanging out a lot and then became best friends. It was a little hard because I had a crush on him. Then he started dating some other girl so I felt comfortable telling him that I USED to like him and then he said he’d had feelings for me as well, and still did.

We kept on being friends though. Time passed and we talked more and spent more time with each other, more than before.. Finally I told him how I truly felt, by writing him a letter. After he read it he said he loved me more than his current girlfriend. I fell in love with him, hard. He was my oxygen, my way of coping with life. But I banned him from dumping his girlfriend for me. Damn my stupid conscience.

Then I left the country for 2 weeks. We talked pretty much every day during that time. When I came home we started a new school, soon after that he got really sick so I didn’t see him for too long. After he got better he broke up with his girlfriend. A week later he started dating another girl. When I saw them together.. my heart broke. I couldn’t really deal with it, but in a way it was the kick I needed to seek help about my depression, I felt sick of feeling vulnerable.

It took me approximately 1 year to get over him completely. But we kept on being friends. This was probably not a good idea because he started liking me again and even though I was currently seeing other guys loosely, suddenly I ended up with just him (he had some kind of grip on me). At my 19th birthday he came to me telling me he wanted me. A week later, he was “in love” with another girl. After that I decided to break off all contact. He didn’t seem to be bothered by that and it truly showed me what kind of person he really was.

I’ve dated guys but.. never really been ready for anything serious. I always pulled away when someone got to close to me. Finally figured out I wanted to love myself completely first.

5 years have passed and I finally though I found someone I could actually be with. I was ready for the first time in my life for a relationship.
He was my best friend for 3 years (he wanted me but I was afraid of losing him so I made him my friend instead). In November 2008, we dated for about 2months and then suddenly he became distant. I knew deep inside this was the end. He told me he wasn’t ready, afraid of not becoming someone I deserved. It was hard, I had finally taken my first step towards something bigger and I got hurt again. Now I’m losing someone I thought would be at least my friend forever.

I’m starting to think I’m better off on my own. A little fun here and there is what makes me happy. Nothing too serious, no one too close to hurt me. Though deep down I want to.. love again. Maybe I’ll find someone after 5 more years? :D

I will. I will. I will.

It took a three year relationship…one night with an apparent stranger and a resultant baby to crush my world.
I was getting over it, tried to move on…landed up with another guy, knew him for 2 years prior, that was so much fun and who really got me…then he left the country. No goodbye. Just unfufilled promises.

So i do not trust men…I can’t. The worst part is that it affects every relationship I have.

But I will believe in love again…I just don’t know when.

There was a girl whom I cared about since we were in grammar school and I had feelings for her for a while. I always talked to her late at night, did homework with her, and held her hand whenever I could. I actually thought we could get together and make it “official.”

There was even a moment where we danced to “All My Life” by K-Ci & Jojo where everyone said we were meant for each other. And I still have the picture with me today.

Yet, one day a guy whom she barely knew came into her life and asked her out. She talked to me about it and even though I really told her that I didn’t want her to go out with him and I really wanted her to be with me, she decided to go with this guy.

I was heartbroken and devastated. She was my best friend and I refused to let this come between us. Even if she wasn’t with me, I’ll do my best to make her happy and be there when she needs me. So whenever she fought with him or argued and cried over him, I listened. I held her when she couldn’t stop crying, I made her laugh when she refused to smile, and I held her close so she knew that someone would always be there for her.

Then one day, after her friends and family argue with her over how much of an “asshole” he was, she came to me and asked me for some advice. She told me how much it hurts that he cheats on her and how hard it is to talk to her family. I told her she should leave him also, and she got mad at me and yelled at me. I was hurt and yelled back. And we both walked away without another word.

She eventually broke up with the guy after he had sex with her and dumped her for a younger girl, and when she tried to fix our relationship, I couldn’t even talk to her face to face. In my heart, I was yearning for a girl like her to be with me, but I refused because she knew how much I cared and yet pushed me away. I was angry.

We eventually argued and attacked each other and talked about one another. Then a year passed, then two, then three, and I was about to graduate from high school when one of her friends told me about her and how she felt about me. I have been through many different relationships since then and I got over her about two years ago.

Yet her friend told me that I should know that back in 8th grade when she was making her decision. She really wanted to be with me, but didn’t know why she couldn’t choose me. I told her friend that it was okay that she didn’t choose me because I already knew what type of person she was the second she chose him over me.

And even though we’ve been through a lot, I’m honestly happy that she isn’t in my life anymore, even though after all this time I still have a hard time with relationships because I can’t trust anyone anymore with my heart.

The last thing I remember saying to her was “Goodbye Joy. Good luck with whatever.” And even though I try not to regret it, I wish I could of said “I loved you” instead.

I allowed this guy to break me. I liked his for four years. When I met him, he was a little chubby and deeply wounded. He was a cutter, just got out of a rough relationship and was a mess…. but it was a trick. I fell for him and I thought he loved me too, until he decided to go out with his best friend. Oh godd…. and i cried nonstop for like a week. It felt like death.

I seriously thought our connection was gone forever… but I held on to my feelings. And he even called me to tell me he misses me almost everyday. I felt so guilt; he even had a girlfriend . I was angry he had the guts to contact me; I was angry at myself for taking it. I felt like a HOMEWRECKER. So i stopped… and got myself a very sweet boyfriend. But i ruined that too by my feelings for this guy.

I honestly thought I could never get over him. I thought I could never fall in love again. I felt like a NON-BELIEVER. I decided the only way for me to get over him was to leave… so i travelled 800 miles for college. The guy contacted me again while I was in New York. I told him “__. Please don’t ever try to contact me again. Let me get over you, ok?” And i never heard from him…

Until now; it’s been a year since i last heard from him. About a week ago, We decided to go for a walk and catch up. I guess a part of me wondered whether i still have feelings for him. (He now has another girlfriend and they are planning to get engaged next year. He doesn’t know I know.)

When we took our incredibly long walk, he kept making all these jokes and funny charades. He’s changed now; taller, muscular, and yeah, cute eyes… He’s stopped cutting and he’s finally in a long-term relationship. The walk was a revelation! I realized i felt none of the heaviness in my heart anymore and I told him “Let’s just forget about our past. Let’s just try to move on and be friends.”

And he snapped back in an angry tone and told me “he’ll try.” Which meant he still hasn’t gotten over me yet. But yeah… this kind of guy never knows what he has till it’s gone. And yeah, damn right. I am the best he never had.

But yes, we can love again. First, we have to realize it is a problem and we do have to deal with it. Once you decide to lose this emotional affair with him, grieve till you can’t grieve no more.. trust me, you will feel a lot better. And forgive yourself. We all only do the best we can do. Love makes us feel alive. Love till your heart explodes. Be the bigger person by getting up after a fall and insisting on falling even harder. And even when you lose him, there are plenty of ways to get love and affection: family, friends, community, etc. Don’t miss out!

I have met a man after this 4 year emotional affair. He is a gentleman and I love how safe and nice he treats me. He doesn’t take advantage of me and guess what?! Nice guys can be SO MUCH FUN. Gosh, whoever told you nice guys are boring seriously need to try some of them out! My tastes in men have seriously changed for the better.

It’s been over four years and I still can’t forget him. I even was in a brief relationship with another guy, a great guy, but I sabotaged it because of my anxiety.

I’ve given up on love to protect myself, but I wish I still believed. I don’t know if I can fall in love like normal people again.

He really hurt me. I thought he cared – I was so sure of it, but he left so abruptly. I was so obviously wrong that now I don’t feel that I can trust my intuition when it comes to men.

Oh well. Everything else in my life is great and I’m for the most part happy. But I’ve never really believed love was possible for me and my belief has, as always, become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I know that my negative beliefs about romantic love are sabotaging me. So why can’t I let them go?

My friends have suggested therapy, but each time I’ve tried, after two sessions, I have to quit. I don’t know what’s up. My parents have been happily married for 30 years, but I can’t trust men.

Finally

????

maybe a little bit more.