stop crying

I think I’m getting closer to this. I don’t cry as much and when I do, I won’t let it get to a point where I’m beating myself up or being destructive. I’m realizing more and more the importance of taking care of my body for the long-term. Part of doing that is to not dwell on negativity or negative emotions.

I thought this would be the easiest thing for me to change about myself, yet I’m bawling my eyes out like a baby right now and I’m so frustrated. I looked at myself in the mirror in the bathroom and told myself to stop, but I’m not sure how. I feel really frustrated and sad. Earlier, I felt really optimistic about changing, now I’m just feeling down. sigh…I should get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel different.

I just have to stop cold turkey. I always cry, because there is a build up of stress, anxiety, anger, and frustration that I naturally want to release, but crying only lessens the pain. Crying keeps me from thinking of the important things in my life that need to change. So, if I’m going to change anything else, I need to stop crying and use that time to write or think.

I need to be more constructive and less destructive.

Sometimes I cry to the point that I dry heave. Sometimes things just hurt so much, I don’t know what else to do, but cry. I’m not a child. I don’t need to have the EQ of 1.

So, my plan for this one is to think or write or read or paint or draw or cook or sew…anything but cry.

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO STOP ALL OF YOUR SOBBINGYES IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO STOP ALL OF YOUR SOBBING OH OH OHTHERE’S ONE THING YOU GOTTA DOTO MAKE ME STILL WANT YOUGOTTA STOP SOBBING NOWYEAH YEAH STOP IT STOP IT

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO LAUGH INSTEAD OF CRYINGYES IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO LAUGH SO KEEP ON TRYING OH OH OHTHERE’S ONE THING YOU GOTTA DOTO MAKE ME STILL WANT YOUGOTTA STOP SOBBING NOWYEAH YEAH STOP IT STOP IT

EACH LITTLE TEAR THAT FALLS FROM YOUR EYESMAKES, MAKES ME WANTTO TAKE YOU IN MY ARMS AND TELL YOUTO STOP ALL YOUR SOBBING

THERE’S ONE THING YOU GOTTA DOTO MAKE ME STILL WANT YOUAND THERE’S ONE THING YOU GOTTA KNOWTO MAKE ME WANT YOU SOGOTTA STOP SOBBING NOWYEAH YEAH STOP IT STOP IT

But i feel emotionless at times. The other day i did break down, i was at home, just thinking and began to cry. Had never felt so alone. I don’t know why i did this – I’ve met the most amazing boy, but why do i still feel alone?

I don’t think I should have to feel bad about having emotion but everyone seems to think I should.

i didnt make the cheer team at my school.
its not as big of a deal as other entries…
but i have been crying for over an hour now.
my eyes are red and puffy…
how do i make it look like im happy?
and happy for my friends that did make it?

HELP ME!

i always cry at the worst times!!

For several weeks now, I’ve been crying at least once a day. Not some plain tears, but deep heaving sobs. This usually lasts for 30-45 minutes.

I’ve been battling depression for about 9 years now, and I’ve had crying periods before, but I could usually identify some reason why. This time, there doesn’t seem to be a specific reason – just profound sadness.

I’ve been through all of the things that they say are supposed to help depression, but nothing really seems to work. I’ve been to countless therapist, Doctors, and been on every medication you can think of. I exercise regularly, try to eat right, keep myself busy, make a point of spending time with friends, etc, but nothing seems to relieve that inner sadness.

the 3rd anniversary of the passing of my best friend, my cat. i dreamt about her last night, and her sister, who is also gone. i miss them both, and could cry at the thought of getting just one more day.