and then i went over to a friend’s house and we had a nice dinner party, drank a good amount of wine, i came home and said “f it, i want to smoke”. i bought a pack of smokes and started smoking like not a day had gone by. how sad that it will always be in my “blood”, how sad that i want something so disgusting that makes me feel disgusting. disgusting. disgusting.
so here i am, a month later and desiring to quit, especially since i told my mom i would.
why do i smoke? well, does it even matter why? kind of and yet, not really. yes, it helps me plug up a flood of emotions that too often (in my opinion) overcome me. i know how to better deal with feeling disappointed in myself for smoking than feeling disappointed in myself for things relating to an ex-man, i will not say more.
however, why do i not smoke? i “not smoke” because i feel more alive, i feel cleaner, i don’t have to shower everytime i’m going to hang out with someone who i don’t want to know i’ve started up again, i don’t cough, i can work out like a maniac and get all my energy out, i don’t think about cigarettes as i hang out with people but instead i think about them, i don’t constantly get depressed about the lines that i’ll get around my mouth and (if i may say so) cute lips. mostly, i just know it is the right way to live, a better way to live.
i bought a pack tonight and i would really like to smoke them tomorrow but i am going to be a woman and throw them away in the morning. i might cry as i do this, as i say goodbye to a perfectly good pack of smokes.
ok, i think i’ll have one more and then go to bed and dream something really nice.
Entries
and it has been some time now but boy, do I ever want a cigarette right now. I could probably smoke an entire pack right now but I will continue to resist that urge and not do so. It hasn’t been this difficult in a long time. If I smoke one cigarette, though, I will not be able to quit. I need to get back to doing Krav Maga and who cares that I have an injured toe! I can still punch even if I can’t kick. Wow, I want to smoke really bad. Let this be a reminder to anyone else trying to quit or who already has quit that it is hard as f*^% to quit but it must be done – there ARE better things in life than a cigarette.
that I can say I’ve done this but I’ve done it! It has been over 17 days since I have smoked a cigarette (I stopped counting at 17)! It has been one of the ONLY things I have been concentrating on. One goal at a time (especially when they are ones that are really important like quitting smoking).
I started telling people I had quit after 3 or 4 days of not smoking and I have gotten nothing but encouragement from them and strength. What is one thing I’ve learned?: it has to start with ME, an effort I make, but then when you show your effort, others jump on board with you and encourage you (I can’t expect others to GIVE me courage). Alright, I will end this entry now. Time to discover what to ADD to my life now that I have subtracted something very large from my life.
Abby
Well the cold turkey thing isn’t working… So I am going to cut back(I have been) Instead of two in the car in the morning only allow one then cut out smoking in the car all together. Im going to try to beak my habit of smoking during different situations by allowing myself a certain amount per day. Well we will see if this works better then cold turkey.
Found these tips:
Try these tips to increase your chance of success when you’re ready to quit smoking:
Set a date for quitting.
If possible, have a friend quit smoking with you.
Notice when and why you smoke. Try to identify your smoking triggers (such as drinking your morning cup of coffee or driving a car).
Change your smoking routines: Keep your cigarettes in a different place. Smoke with your other hand.
Don’t do anything else when smoking. Think about how you feel when you smoke.
Smoke only in certain places, such as outdoors.
When you want a cigarette, wait a few minutes. Try to think of something to do instead of smoking; you might chew gum or drink a glass of water.
Buy one pack of cigarettes at a time. Switch to a brand of cigarettes you don’t like.
I am trying to quit smoking. But it isn’t going very well to say the least. I am weak. So I thought it would be a good start to slowly cut back and try to not smoke for three days. It will be hard but I think I can do it in time.
I have one cigarette left and I’m not going to buy another pack. It’ll be hard because tomorrow is my day off. I am not going to smoke anymore. I feel like I am going to fall apart if I don’t have another cigarette ever again.
I am sick and I am still smoking. I know I want to quit but I really don’t want to so I am going to start with 3 days: Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday (19-21). I am not excited about this. I have quit before, but obviously it didn’t stick. What does it take for it to stick?
I smoke. I am a smoker. I love smoking. I grew up in Europe and I loved the smell of smoke even when I was little. This is going to be one of the hardest things for me to do. It makes me happy, it calms me down, it adds to any excitement I am already feeling, I really do love it. How sad that I LOVE something that makes me smell like shit to others…
