Share my secret shames

i hate girls i love huge cock

If left to my own devices, I will devour every dill pickle within a 5 mile radius. I will hunt them down relentlessly and munch their vinegary goodness. If you are in between me and a jar of olive mountain dills, I will TAKE YOUR ASS DOWN to get at them. I’m worse than a pregnant woman when it comes to kosher dills.

Ok, so seriously that’s true up there. Here’s another part on the same side of the coin – I can’t stand fruit. The taste, the consistency, the sickly sweet smell of it. Oranges, Apples, Bananas, ANY of it. I’ve got a fruit-neurosis that rivals some of Woody Allen’s own when it comes to the stuff. I’ve even got fucked up matrices that I can use to eat fruit-like objects, or fruit-tasting things;

1.) Fruit rollup’s are NOT fruit. Don’t convince me they are, don’t tell me that they’ve got real fruit in them. As far as I’m concerned, they’re candy.

2.) Grapes can and will kill you, so will apples and oranges but grapes are especially horrible. (Don’t ask me how they can kill you, I can’t give you concrete examples but FUCK DUDE, they can and WILL if you let them.)

3.) Tomatoes are a fruit, and therefore to be hated. Sometimes I will eat tomatoes but they must be DICED and/or VERY, VERY thinly sliced and close to non-ripe. (If I think about tomatoes long enough, I can turn myself off of them for weeks.)

4.) The smell of oranges can incur a gag reflex in me. If I know you’ve been eating oranges with your hands, I will NOT touch your hands until you’ve washed them at least four times over. If I smell oranges on your persona, (and this is no shit), I will subconsciously move away from you, and grimace. I’ve been told this and I’ve caught myself doing it.

5.) Apples have seeds. Inside these seeds live the devil incarnate. If you accidentally even let an apple seed brush your lips, you can die. I have nightmares about apples.

6.) If I eat fruit by accident, I will go to great lengths to convince myself that it was anything BUT fruit, it was a bug, it was cat hair, it was a tasty truffle. It was ANYTHING but a grape, orange slice, etc.

So there we have it. Secret shame of being afraid of and hating fruit.

I love Disney films. “Toy Story”, “Ants”, “Hunchback of Notre Dame”, “Treasure Planet”, etc. Almost all of them. They give me a weird sense of hope that the world isn’t all suffering and sadness.

I like the song ‘I’m Bringing Sexy Back’. I’m shuddering under the weight of my shame.:) But allow me to explain. It’s got a catchy beat, it talks about sex and if I change the lyrics slightly it’s perfect for one of my cats. It goes like this: “Get your cuteness on!” And she does – every time. She’s brilliant.