stop sabotaging my own happiness

It’s a drunk thing, something we all do to ourselves. Not everybody does it to the same extent – some people have higher bottoms than others – but we all do it.

I am only 3 weeks sober – real sober, not the “I don’t need any help” dry drunk kind I’ve done before – but the kind that comes with a modicum of clarity. I have manufactured drama and misery and have taken people down with me.

Drunks are only happy when everyone else is miserable, and even then we need to be miserable too.

I often try to make myself more miserable. It’s a bad habit, but in a sense it will usually seem easier than confronting my problems in the heat of the moment.

It is so easy to dismiss your own happiness.

I deserve the best and should not fear success!

It will always feel better!

I think I subconsciously seek out drama – which is bad. But it’s not so bad anymore. So I have a feeling this is not going to be on my list for as long as I’d thought.

Well, I’ve gotten a lot better about this. I know how to watch for it and how to interrupt it. It’s still difficult though. Once you have done something like this for years it’s hard to change.

However, I can recommend owning your decisions and taking responsibility for their outcomes. If you are faced with a choice – don’t blame others for the situation. Choose differently. If you have good values and goals and a clearer vision of what you want in life your decisions will be easier to make – at least knowing which decision is the better choice will be easier to identify. Making those decisions is up to you.

so i’ve been at my job about 2 months now, and i totally love it. it’s a great place to work, and i’m liking the actual work somewhat to my surprise (i never thought i’d find a job i actually liked doing). i’ve got my independence back with a vengeance, and am definitely feeling a lot happier. i’m on my way…

I am in love with the woman of my dreams- the one I should have been looking for all along.

I have plans for the future. I may drag my feet sometimes, but I look to the future and I see light, not darkness.

I look at my troubles, and I see them as rolling hills, not insurmountable peaks.

I now know happiness, and it is good.

i know there are some people who lose subs after using “bad language” and stuff, so this is a warning that some is about to come up and if you are offended i am sorry, it is not aimed at you but i need to vent and this is where i am going to do it, right here under this goal.

fuck fuc fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

FUCK.

fuck.

Things are going well for me these days. I am in a relationship with a wonderful woman. I have been taking the baby steps to get my finances back in order. I have optimism for the first time in months. I feel like all the crap my ex-wife was trying to shove down my throat has finally been purged from my system.

I know I’ve said this before, but I think the dark days are behind me.

I figured out why I was doing this. It’s because my health problems tend to get in the way of doing what I want. So if something really good comes along, I’m always scared I’m going to lose it because of not feeling well…so I just don’t even allow the good thing to be a possibility.

But, NO MORE, I SAY!!! I interviewed and was offered a great new job, and I took it. I’m so excited, and I’m just going to surrender to whatever happens, and not set myself up for failure. Que sera, sera.