Make peace with the Monster in my closit.

Maybe I can order another pizza hut pizza and sprinkle it with rat poison. I wonder if it will kill that monster in my closit or just make him sick and very angry.
Anyone know?

Last night the monster in my closit and I found a way to get along much better. Insted of a dead pig pretending to be alive I ordered a meatlovers pizza from Pizza Hut. At 11:00 pm I put the pizza on my nightstand, got in bed making sure to again tuck in the bottom so the monster could not get me, then turned out the lights. It did not take more than 5 minutes before I heard the usual closit door creeeeeeeeeek open. I quickly sat up, grabbed the pizza and put it in front of me on the bed. No sooner than a second I see this flash jump and land on the foot of the bed staring at me, then the pizza, then me again. Wow, I really got a good look at it this time. It had large mean black eyes with little red dots in the center. Its body was small on the bottom with a huge chest and wow, the ears, they were pointed just like the huge teeth it had.
Even though I was terrafied I said “hi Mr. Monster in my closit, welcome to my bed, want some pizza?”. It immediatly grabbed the pizza hut pizza, slashed open the box and gobbled every bite not leaving me even a crumb. It smiled then I said “sooooooo, uhh, hows the wife? Kids?”. It just smiled at me and shook his head back and forth then it pulled out a picture album from the backpack it had on. Using his really ugly pointy claws it pointed to a picture of his family. His wife was a bit homely and he had 3 children, one of which was developmentally disabled with huge glasses and a pocket protector. I told him his family was really nice and thanked him for joining me for a pizza dinner and not eating me. He quickly turned, tooted and then scrambled back in the closit.

I am not sure what to think about all this. Am I a dinner item or not!

Iron man suggested that I try making friends with the monster in my closit and feeding it meet so I gave it a try and it seemed to work a little but there is one BIG PROBLEM!!! I gave the monster a whole pig and even made it look like it was alive by putting my fist up its rear end and making the dead pig act as if was alive. I think that monster really enjoyed the free pig dinner but the next morning Iron man called it correct, the Monster went back in its closit with the worst case of TROTS I have ever seen. Diarrhea the runs the shits hershey squirts the squirts and more all over the walls, floor of my closit. It stunk to high heaven and took me hours to clean up. I guess I have to cook the next dinner for the monster in my closit.

Iron man made the following suggestion to me:
Heck, that monster doesn’t want cookies, it wants flesh

So give it what it wants. Instead of hiding, and putting out cookies, set out a couple of chairs and TV trays, and set out a pork chop dinner (if he’s been in there all this time without meat, he’s probably pretty hungry). Keep the lights low enough so he will come out, but light enough so you don’t stick a fork in your eye.

Whe he comes out, invite him to eat with you. Shake his slathery claw, and tell him he’s pretty cool, and you’d like to hang with him instead of running from him. Then afterward pull out a six pack of either Leinenkugel’s Northwoods Lager, or Summit Pale Ale (Closet monsters love the tangy flavor of hops, especially after eating some flesh), then just shoot the breeze with him.

Ask him how he got there, how long he’s been there, where he goes and sleeps during the light hours, why he chose this profession, what he likes and dislikes, does he have any kids, what did he do when he was growing up, and things like that. I’m sure that apart from the being a monster thing, you’ll find out that he’s basically a pretty decent, normal guy. Cause remember, even monsters have moms that love them.

The Milk and Cookies I left out for the Monster in my Closit to make friends, did not work. After setting out the plate of Oreos (double icing) and a large glass of 2% milk I tucked in the sheets very very tight then went to bed. About 2 am I awoke to “munch, munch, munch, glug, munch, munch, munch”. Ether it was a big mouse or it was that Monster in My closit. I slowly took the covers down from my face and looked over to where the closit is. Holy shit, I saw these glowing eyes staring at me as it kept on munching the cookies and sipping the milk. Could it be it would like me now since I was so nice to give it cookeis and milk? NOOOOOOOOOO! All of a sudden it JUMPED up and onto my bed! I quickly went under the covers and screamed as it slapped me over and over and over. Finally it left and I heard the closit door close. It was gone for tonight.
What am I to do?

Ok so my trying to get rid of the monster in my closit is not working. Maybe, just maybe I can make friends with it. I do not know if anyone of you on 43things has made peace or friends with their monsters in the closit so I am a little reluctant to believe that I can.
Tonight when I go to bed I will do the usual thing of making sure to tuck in the sheets so the monster cant get me then I will have a plate of cookies and milk that will be placed next to the closit door.
Wish me luck!

Since my blankets caught fire last night they are badly chared and my room smells all burnt and boiling diet coke.
I am exasted so am going to stay in the livingroom tonight so I do not have to deal with the Monster in my closit.

Last night before going to bed I came up with a plan to get this dang monster in my closit so bad it would want to leave the house and never bother me again. So with an evil smile I went to bed armed with a can of hairspray and a lighter. Yes, I am going to burn the thing. I turned out the lights and pretended to snore and sleep, of course I again tucked in all the sheets so the monsters cannot get me. Yep, within 10 minutes I hear the doorknob of my closit turn, then hear the door squeek open. My eyes were like 80% shut just open enough to see the shadows of the moon slightly show the thing come out and sneak over to my bed. I was shaking like a leaf but I somehow mustered up enough courage to grab that can of hairspray in one hand and the lighter in the other. When I saw the red in his eyes, I POPPED UP, LIT THE LIGHTER, SPRAYED THE HAIRSPRAY AND POINTED IT RIGHT AT THAT UGLY MONSTER!!! MY GOD the thing screamed like me! It screamed and screamed and I jumped forcing the spray to hit my bedspread which then caught on fire. The damn monster ran to the closit leaving me to put the ever growing fire out before my whole house was ablazed. Thanks for a bottle of diet coke next to my bed I got the thing out.
This is going to drive me nuts. How am I ever going to make peace with this monster in my closit now?

Thank you Aliise for the suggestion yesterday.

I gave your suggestion a try by putting cookies in a dark corner of my room so the monster in my closit will go eat the cookies rather than me. It was a good try and I may try it again tomorrow. I went to bed after putting the cookies in that dark corner then went to bed making sure to tuck in all ends of the sheets so the monster cant get me from down under. Anyway, I awoke with the sounds of that damn monster eating cookies. I was so terrified that I again wet the bed. I am sure glad I put a plastic mattress on last week. Anyway, as he was munching the cookies I saw his eyes glow. It was so scarry. All of a sudden the munching stopped and he those eyes stared at me. I screamed like a little girl until the neighbors started banging on the walls. Anyway, I threw a pillow at it and for a monent it was distracted so I got up and ran out in the living room.
Another night with little sleep.

Thank you for the advice. If you have any other suggestions on what to do with the monster in my closit please let me know.

Sincerly,
Love,

Walter Bedenbacker

I am so tired that I can hardly stand up. Every damn night the monster in my closit comes out, scares me and keeps me awake all night. Last night I did something different. I got some boards and nailed them to the door so it would not open. I figured that would keep the monster in there and allow me to sleep.
The monster in my closit banged on the damn door all night. Didnt sleep a wink.
Now what!