find a direction

I stared at the list for a long time yesterday. Seeing it spelled out really helped.

I felt the most at peace when I thought about leaving, so I’m going with that. I sent an email to usf, and my advisor here, and I’m going to talk to him sometime next week and hopefully work everything out. I don’t think my parent’s quite believe that I’m serious about this. Once I decide something, I get fully committed though. This is what I’m doing. I’m transferring to USF, and I’ll live with my parents, and get my license, and a car. I’ll have to work, probably, but it’ll be worth it. I’ll gain some sense of independence, and yet still be able learn things like cooking and sewing from my family, and spend more time with my boyfriend.

I feel good about this.

1. Move back in with my parents, get a job and work till next fall, and enroll in USF.

2. Move back in with my parents, enroll in USF for the spring semester.

3. Stay here for the whole year, then leave.

4. Stay here, and graduate in 3 years.

5. Sell everything I own and become a hermit in China.

ughhhhhh

I have until October 22d to figure everything out. Novemeber 1st at the latest.

I picked out a college, and I thought it was the right place to be, but now that I’m here, I’m wondering if it was the excitement of indulging the fantasy of being able to try and stand on my own that caused me to come here. I’m not sure I’m cut out for campus life, especially at one like this. So I’ve decided to give it a semester and figure out whether I can last three years at this school, or whether it’s better for me to move back in with my parents and attend a school where I don’t have to live on the campus.