post random thoughts, lists, and other shit

There are ants in the bathroom. Here and there, they are large picnic ants just strolling around my bathroom.

There was a spider on the wall tonight. A huge spider with long, sharp legs.

There are little round black bugs on the linoleum floor in the bathroom and kitchen. They are also on some windows.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!

My house is spotless. Spotless, I tell you! Mopped, swept and picked up. I don’t get it.

I can’t sleep because I always feel like there are bugs crawling on me. I have to wipe off the sheets and shake out my pillows before I lay down. I’m getting paranoid. God. I fucking hate summer. And bugs.

I am having a love affair with books. I’ve been in love with them since I was seven years old. I love the smell of their pages, the little dog-ear creases, the hard covers and the soft covers. I love making and buying neat little bookmarks. I love relaxing somewhere comfortable with warm socks on and a cup of tea on my lap. Before bed I read. During dinner I read. I read in the bathtub. I read at work. I read while riding in the car, on the bus and on the train. I read when I go fishing and camping. I always have a book in my purse, in the car, and on the nightstand. I have been all around the world, visited every era, with men, women and children. I can read one page in 24.3 seconds (I’ve been timed). I can read Crime & Punishment in one day.

From Madame Bovary: “Have you ever felt the experience, of running across in a book some vague idea you’ve had, some image that you realize has been lurking all the time in the back of your mind and now seems to express absolutely your most subtle feelings?”

Ah. Books are my passion. I tell everyone I know how much I love them. People my age wrinkle their noses and say, “Oh, no, I hate reading. It’s boring and it takes too long.”

I wish I could stay home and read all day for the rest of my life!

I think we need to change the presidency around here. Our presidents are always upper-crust white men, who have no idea what everyday Americans go through. They don’t know what my life is like, therefore they can’t provide adequately for my needs.

Here’s what I think we should do. We need to have some sort of “Pre-Presidency Training Course.” It should be a year long. Every two weeks our presidential candidates should enter a new part of American life. I think this should cover:

• Homeless people. Live on the streets or in shelters. Eat at soup kitchens. Wear the same clothes. No extra money or a special place to sleep. It has to be authentic.
• Single parent w/a minimum wage job. Take care of a young child while working at a fast food restaurant or Wal-Mart. Budget the money they make, to pay for rent, food, gas, health expenses, and child care. Work from 8 am to 6 pm, come home and take care of the child, then do it all the next day.
• A minority. Every morning, be made up by makeup professionals to live the day as an African American, Hispanic, or Asian. Go through job interviews, dating, etc, to see what many minorities are put through.
• College student. Since these politicians want to charge kids so much for school, they should see what it’s really like. Live in a dorm, go to class, go to work, do homework and study for finals. Figure out student loans and scholarships, while working within a typical student’s budget.
• The elderly. Look and dress the part. See how the elderly are treated by the government. Be given a certain amount of money, like the typical Social Security payment, and try to live on that for two weeks. However, health care costs, prescription drugs, food, clothing, and housing costs must be deducted from this amount. Good luck.
• A Katrina victim. Live in New Orleans for the two weeks, using only the resources provided by our government to survive. Food, clothing, shelter, and job necessities must be met.

Those are just a few ideas.

After the year-long experience, each presidential candidate has six months to draw up their detailed proposal for the presidency. What will they change? How will they solve the problems they encountered? Who will they put in charge of what, and why? Then the candidates will reveal their proposals on television for all of America to evaluate.

A year and a half to prepare for the most important job in the country is not too much to ask! Advertising execs sometimes take up to two years to create a proposal, and that’s just to sell soda. I think the presidency is just as important.

Now, it would be nice for our president to actually be telling the truth when he says, “I understand America. I am America. I know who you are.”

I think the whole transportation/road system is astounding. I mean, it’s crazy to think that three paint stripes can keep all these people safe. Human beings think they’re so smart and free-thinking, yet we obey these stupid paint lines.

Like today, I was taking a left turn and had to move into the middle turning lane. As I was waiting for a chance to go, a huge doublebottom semi came roaring by me, about twelve inches from my side mirror and shaking my entire car. We were so, so close, yet because of those paint stripes I was safe.

And sometimes when I’m on a simple two-lane highway I think, “Two feet to the left and I can be dead.” Why did they put oncoming traffic so damn close? They couldn’t give us a few feet of grass in between our lanes? You’ve got 60 mph traffic flying at you, head-on, less than three feet from you. Stupid. There’s no way in hell they would let us do that anywhere else. Go to the gun range; you don’t have people shooting their guns toward you, three feet from your head. No. You’re separated by a partition, all facing the same direction.

Argh. Crazy bastards.

I love WikiHow. I’m obsessed, I swear. I’ve written about 10 articles so far, and I have to admit that they’re pretty good. There have been very few edits on them, which means my spelling/grammar is okay and the article is pretty complete. I just wrote one, “How to Announce Your Pregnancy,” because I was thinking how I’d like to announce mine. I’m so excited! Soon, soon!

I just learned something about myself the other day. I’m a “Other-Shoer.” This means I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop, especially when it comes to what makes me the happiest. Like, for instance, I’m always obsessing over my loved ones dying. I have dreams where my husband dies and I wake up crying, unable to breathe. Same goes for my parents, dog, brother, and grandma.

There’s something Sharon Osbourne once said that always sticks in my mind: “I’m like a little Jewish mother…when things are going great I’m always waiting for them to go bad. I hold my breath, trying not to disturb the wheel of fortune.” Okay, so taking advice from Ozzy Osbourne’s wife probably isn’t a great idea, but it’s how I feel. Maybe I’m just a really negative person? Or a paranoid psycho?

Now I’m paranoid that I’m paranoid. Fuck!

I looooovvvvveeee Nick @ Nite! The Cosby Show is by far my favorite. I want a family like theirs, in every way. I also love Roseanne…. and Growing Pains is growing on me, no pun intended. The Mike kid on it is aggravating, but whatever. It’s an okay show. I still like the Cosby’s better, though.

i hate the phone.

I’ve been adding pictures to a lot of my entries lately. I wonder what that says about me…

EDIT: I just read the guideline thingies, and it says not to upload pictures that aren’t your own work. Oopsies..no more Google searches for me :( I can’t figure out how to delete pictures that are aleady posted…hm…

I had a dream last night too. It made me cry. I was dead and I was being buried in a coffin, and I was all alone, being lowered into the ground. I kept screaming and crying because I didn’t want to spend eternity by myself…I wanted my husband to lie next to me, just like we do every night. Even writing this now is making me all choked up… I woke up bawling, and my hubby was curled around me, as usual, rubbing my back and telling me not to cry. I told him about my dream and it made him sad too.

Now I’m scared to die. I don’t want to be all by myself under the ground, without him.