learn to stand up for myself

sometimes i let people walk all over me and i don’t say when things are bothering me

Made a phone call to the bank the other day; they had deposited a check I had sent them but days later it still hadn’t shown up in my account. So here’s the story of How Procrastinatress Stood Up for Herself Big-Time.

The phone rep, let’s call her Cathy, told me they had made a mistake in connecting the check with my account. Then she said she “had a call in” to her “banking expert” and that it would take 48 hours to fix the problem. WTF??!! I told Cathy that I wasn’t satisfied with that and if she couldn’t fix the problem I needed to speak to someone who could.

She put me on the phone with her supervisor, “John,” who did the supervisor thing, telling me that “the system is updated every 24 hours and this is something we have to live with every day… so that’s why the update isn’t yet reflected in your account. blah blah” I interrupted him and said, look, John, this isn’t acceptable. You’ve had my money for several days and I need to access it. You’re telling me this isn’t possible… but I don’t believe you. All you need to do is call someone who can punch some numbers into a computer and hit “enter.” You have the check, you’re telling me you deposited it, so how does it take you 48 hours to update the numbers?

John proceeds to spout off about how “he’s never heard of a case where they’ve been able to completely bypass the system” and that he doesn’t think he’ll be able to fix this problem today.

So I said, listen John, you are the ones who made a mistake and I’m not willing to wait around for you to fix it. The only acceptable solution here is for you to get those funds into my account within two hours. Put your thinking cap on.

That got his attention! He was silent for a while, I even thought I had lost connection. Finally he says, okay, let me call my banking expert. (Meanwhile I’m wondering why he needs to call a banking expert if he’s working in a bank! Shouldn’t they all be banking experts?)

After a very short time Cathy comes back on the line and tells me they’re working on it and to just hold for another minute. Sure, thanks Cathy, I appreciate it.

A few minutes later Cathy is back on the line and says, “Ma’am, the funds are in your account. I apologize for the inconvenience.” And I replied, thank you, that’s what I was hoping to hear.

See… sometimes you just have to be pushy to get what you need. Hah!

Today I had a disagreement with my mother in law, and I said NO! Oh it was so hard. She wanted to have Vicky tonight and tomorrow during the day, but I told her that I can take there tonight, but tomorrow her father has to take her to the daycare. because I want her to go to the daycare. She missed 1 day last week, and a few times last month…. And there is a limit of the days she’s not attending the daycare. I was waiting for so long for this daycare, and finally got her in, now I am not risking this. So I said I am going to pick her up tomorrow morning (the father is busy as usual) and this is the condition. So I am proud of myself.
And another big one is coming – Christmas…. I am not letting my baby go there on Christmas. And I have to find a polite way to tell her (which will be hard). Sorry, but Vicky is my only family here, and soon to be ex husband has his mother here, and she has him. My mother in law offered me to go to a party (not some party in particular, but any party). Surprisingly they all of a sudden want me to go to a party. Usually when I have plans for going out on Friday or Saturday the people are busy…. And actually I am going to a party on the 24th in the evening, but I’m takin vicky with me. She’s a party girl from the day she was born, so we’ll have fun. And on the 25th we will stay home.

ok, let’s get this straight – I have no qualms about being a bitch. I can’t stand the flippant use of the word ‘bitch’, so therefore I decided years ago to take it as a compliment (well, more or less) when people said i was a bitch. mind you, it’s usually my sisters or close pals calling me out on me being a bitch, which i think is funny and a good reality check to chill out.

Anyway, i digress- my point is, what is the fine line between Standing Up for Myself and Being a Beeotch? I also need to work on letting things go – so i suppose my goal at the moment is to discern when to let things go graciously (a fine art),and when to assert myself. In the past i’ve chosen the wrong moments for each.

Would love to chat with someone who also experiences this problem. I tend to take out my anger in ugly ways, at the wrong times. Letting things build, and getting too upset with the wrong person.

Yesterday I felt a bit salty at two different times, when someone, in a public situation, acted in a rude way toward me. I chose to let both instances go, and not stand up for myself. I think i did the best thing by letting it go – but i can never be sure. For ex., i went to step aerobics last night. We were a good 7 minutes into the class. Instructor had already been thru the spiel of “make sure you can all see me, and my legs”, so as to follow along.
Then a woman came on late, and, despite heaps of room in the back of the class (where i would personally put myself upon entering late), she set up her step directly in front of mine,at the front of the classroom. No regard at all for her blocking me. I had to stop the routine, get down and push my step a bit so that it wasnt lined up with hers.

Thanks, lady. Now, I was annoyed, and thought she was very rude. But, as i continued to work out, i realised she probably is just unthoughtful and clueless. Should i politely say something to her at the end? Could do. But i didn’t. Didn’t think it was worth it.

Anyway – I shall report back when I do find an instance where standing up for myself is actually necessary, and i do just that.

i have spent a good portion of my life paying for all of my friend’s at restaurants or at the movies because they supposedly “forgot” their money again. honestly, it took a boyfriend who used me to wake me up to how much harm one brings upon themselves, by letting themselves be walked on. just remember, anyone who will take advantage of you, isn’t worth your time. :)

Isn’t it strange how most people treat family so much worse than strangers. I finally learned this truth from a family member, who for many years has been doing everything she can to make me (as well as pretty much everyone else she’s related to) feel inferior. Of course she’s nothing but friendly and accomodating with strangers.

The good news is that after a few days of abuse during this last visit with her, I finally stood up for myself and left. I didn’t get nasty in return but I was firm—explained my reasons, then packed my stuff and left. Not sure what the future holds but I feel good for not taking the abuse any longer. I owe it to myself!

I seem to never do what is right no matter how I do it….I am so sick of being told to do trhis and do that or why did you do it like that instead of this!!! I want to just say to someone you do it if you donñt like how I do it do it yourself!! Also I am tired of everytime that I have a discussion with my husband I am the one who never knows what I am talking about, so not to end up in a fight I just let it be and let him think that he knows everything and that he is right…..URRRRGGGHHH it is so annoying and makes me feel like I am stupid!!!

Why is it so hard to speak my mind without fearing judgement by others?

my problem is that i wait until i feel completely trampled on and then i explode and am extreme bitch of universe.
i need to learn how to stick up for myself without being insane bitch from hell.
hm.

Well… I took initiative today when I thought I was being a little trampled during a project at work today. I didn’t say anything in the middle of work because that would have disrupted the work day and been an innappropriate time to bring it up… but I emailed my supervisor and have a meeting set up for tomorrow to discuss and hopefully fix it.

learn to stand up for myself