Joyfully & Easily Capture Love in at Least 43 Posts in Our Own Unique Way

These two songs are for you, with love…

The one who knows

Little Bird

...for my sweet sweet daughters. My love for your is deeper than the quite of a winter eve. I didn’t know love until I say your sweet sweet little faces.

Having my girls has shown me the wonder that is in me, in everything… it’s like I now understand what Beauty and Wonder are all about. I understand the Beauty that is one single life, how bright it shines, how much it really means. How freaking beautiful this all is. How much wonder is in every single moment. And I understand myself better, like in having children I have found myself. But it seems like everything with real love is that hard. The other day I asked Joshua how to best show him how much I love him and he said by loving and caring for myself. As I do I will expand the extent of how much love I can hold. He said that as I do that he will fill it, always, no matter how much it expands he will fill it, that is how much love he has for me. That is how I feel about my girls. They have taught me to take care of myself, truly and fully. That the only way to truly love them is to truly love myself. For if I am healthy within body and soul I have more room to hold all the love I have for them.

As I stare at my girls in dumb wonderment I wonder why someone decided to send me two. I joke it’s because I have so much love that just having one at a time wouldn’t be enough… but maybe it’s not a joke. Maybe it truly is because there was so much love that it had to be divided into to beautiful little girls. Two prefect little girls. That or someone REALLY wanted to teach me a lesson.

_{I’m a mess. I fall apart when I listen to those songs…}

Life is so tender, so raw, so gentle to the touch. We all walk around like nerve endings, sometimes we connect, sometimes we crash into each other. Nerve endings shocking each other when they brush up against one another. Is that how it is with us? Being shocked and pulled by the people we invite into our lives?

I don’t want shallow. I want deep, I want the undercurrents beneath all that depth. I want it so deep that I lose myself. So deep that I can’t ever think of being anything close to light and airy again.

I want to live in a place that is full of nothing but light and sensation.

I want to live in a place where I can be a new character everyday. Changing fairy tales. Rumpelstiltskin and Mother Goose.

Remembering the details makes me sad sometimes.

I’ll miss the feeling of someone tickling my toes when I die.

I’ll miss color. But then I don’t miss color when I close my eyes, I remember.

I don’t want to live alone.

I love too much. Feel too much. There is just too much to learn. And I never want it to stop. Can I put on new lives like clothing, just to try something different?

What does the color Red mean to you?

Sleeping beauty… that doesn’t sound so bad.

I want to run in fields, paint the kitchen, and love someone. And I can’t do any of that here, can I?

I hear in my mind all these voices. I hear in my mind all these words. I hear in my mind all this music and it breaks my heart.

They know a lot of things.

When I tell people in Japan how the Honda family drove three hours one way to Narita airport to surprise us and say goodbye, they are shocked. “They must really love you!”
All I can think about is how much I love them…

I’ve written before how much love the teachers at the kindergarten showed us and all the students. The teachers Sophie had for only 2 months still always gave her hugs and tickles and spoke to us. The goodbye letters they wrote said that they will always be wishing the best for Sophie and Will and praying for their growth and health.

This little boy had a sister in Sophie’s class and a brother in Will’s and he and I always played peek-a-boo when our families were together. Here, I caught him on the train to the zoo in June.
Will’s teacher put together a book for him with notes and pictures from all his classmates and Ko-kun’s mother added a picture of him, noting that he loves me and would miss me. She sketched a tear on his cheek…

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The love I feel for those three women at the back right of this picture cannot be expressed in words. I hugged them all together and tried to memorize their faces through my tears.
The last words we called out to each other were, “Mata ashita!” See you tomorrow…