One thing I need to accept is that I might not be who I say I am. Weirdly, I think I’m perceived in a drastically different way than who I think I am deep down inside and it’s refreshing and WONDERFUL to find a kindred spirit, someone who you’ve only just met but can tell you the wisest advice you’ll EVER hear.
Yesterday was closing of the first professional musical I was in. We had our cast party and a friend staying at one of the actor’s homes came too because he was driving her to the airport for an early flight later on. Anyways, we got to talking, she saw a painting I’d done for one of the gals who was in the show, and then she asked whether I was studying theater. I told her no, and that I was in education.
“Why?” She asked curiously.
“Well…um….because I like children and I feel I can teach them something and…” I stammered on and on and she just listened patiently.
“You’ve got all this beautiful talent when it comes to your art and your acting, why not pursue it more?”
She told me that education was an “anytime” thing. She struggled between studying engineering and opera in school and asked herself “Which of these can I fall back on?” and the answer was, of course, engineering. That meant she needed to take her chances and live a little wildly.
“You can always, ALWAYS fall back on education. If you’ve got what you’ve got right here and right now, you can’t put it away for safe keeping. It may be too late then.”
Man…
I guess I need to accept that maybe I’ve caught the theater bug again and that being surrounded by some of the kindest and most talented people I know at 3AM dancing to Diana Ross and watching funny baby videos is something I have to experience A LOT more of before I tie myself down to things that aren’t really making me happy at the moment. 8 months ago
I remain ever committed to this goal. Through meeting with an intuitive I’ve come to accept and see more consciously the expectations I put on others and myself. I am breaking through this by awareness. How do I implement change to what has become undoubtedly conscious? I’m a work in progress. 8 months ago
Progress, I used to think, was moving forward. Now I see that’s not quite true. True progress is being able to show a more positive attitude when something which has happened a kazillion, bajillion times doesn’t go your way.
My mom has this saying in her classroom and I think it’s brilliant.
“Is this the mountain you want to die on?”
Beautiful and powerful and simple. Is this the mountain you want to die on? She’s got a difficult class this year and frequently asks herself that question. Kid mouthing off? Not the issue I want to be involved in, not what I want to waste my time on. Beligerence towards school work? I won’t let it get to me.
I don’t want to die on the “One word text” mountain today so I’m not gonna. 11 months ago
Yesterday, I had a leeeeeeetuhl, slightly humourous meltdown. See, I can compare what happened yesterday to an experience with a “Where’s Waldo?” book. I had this one “Where’s Waldo?” book when I was younger that I could master PERFECTLY….except for one page which, to this day, I still struggle with.
This one page was full of Waldo lookalikes, and it bugged me soooo much. I’d seriously put my neck out whipping it back and forth.
...YEAH SO YESTERDAY. I saw the all-red, four-wheeled truck equivalent of Waldo. Zoomin’ through the intersection which I was about to turn left on.
And I burst into tears, right there. Out of nowhere.
You think you’re doing so splendidly on your journey of acceptance for “the way things are” then Waldo throws a wrench in your plans, your progress, your HAPPINESS, and it sucks. You need to keep on truckin’ (no awful irony was intended there) and know soon you’ll be laughing rather than tripping sh*t. But dang is it ever hard. 18 months ago
I was feeling inspired after my Art History class on Thursday so I thought it would be beneficial for me to take a bit of a nature walk through my favourite park before walking to my mom’s classroom for an afternoon of volunteering. (By the way, if you ever get a chance to take a course like Art History, do. The people who typically take an art history class are super fun to observe and the information you learn is fascinating!!)
So….It was probably the most lovely autumn day I’ve ever experienced, which may be due to the fact that I was alone and felt like I could probably rule the world. It was the best feeling to be alone with the sun on my face, leaves crunching under my feet, and the sweet smells of fall. Luckily, I had my iPod camera on hand and took some pictures of the nature around me.
I have to tell you, there is nothing in this world so splendid as knowing you’re not walking to get anywhere fast. There is nothing so splendid as sitting under your favourite tree and eating goldfish crackers and people watching.
The walk brought me back to myself, and it reminded me of this goal. In the end, you don’t really need people to live up to your expectations because the world is so much more beautiful and grand- why fill it with grudges? 19 months ago
I’m feeling a little disheartened at myself for setting a goal like this. I wish I hadn’t given myself the idea that I should be more accepting. I wrote in my previous entry that we should all accept that sometimes people won’t live up to our expectations. The term “accept” can mean a variety of things, a variety of goals…but to me, the way I wanted this goal to be achieved was by giving the people who mean a lot to me the breathing room to be able to mess up, or to be who they are without me feeling like I need to nag (but never doing so).
Why should I have to accept someone being a dinkhead because I’ve vowed to view it as “acceptable” behaviour? I am a self-sufficient, independent, happy young woman… But I should also start acting like a bit more of a jerk to people who do stupid stuff to me.
We’re told to practice empathy, tolerance, etc. Why is it so bad to be like “Listen, I ain’t gonna play with you this reccess little Susie. Truth be told you’re bossy and you said you already had a best friend, so I don’t wanna waste my time.”
If you continually give people the benefit of the doubt, you’re a pushover. And if you don’t tolerate people’s sh*t, then you’re a cold-hearted person. Sometimes it seems like those are the only two options. Arrrrgh!
Thoughts? Who has been in this position before?? What do I do to find a good balance between the two? 20 months ago
Sometimes we nag on our friends and family and blame them for actions which they are, indeed, guilty for. I know I’ve done it, I’ve had it done to me, and it is a normal part of life.
But what struck me the other day was that it’s impossible to try and change someone. You really can’t teach someone who has grown up with a certain mindset to jump through a hoop when they’re used to destroying the hoop instead.
If I was faced in a situation where I was getting frustrated at another person for yet again breaking my trust, we could see that as
A) Them being horrible at keeping secrets, being a good friend, being untrustworthy, YADA YADA YADA
or
B) Me being unable to accept the fact that the person probably won’t shed themselves of certain habits the way I hope they will. Being accepting and changing our relationship is the only solution sometimes. If I can accept that I will never have a friendship like I always hoped for with a certain person, or accept that certain family members will never be as close to me as others, I think it can make for a much stronger relationship.
You can’t force things, that is what I’m trying to learn. You can’t fight a losing battle, you can’t dwell on the titles you give people (eg. best friend) and expect them to live up to those titles every single time. All you can do is accept, move on, work on what you’ve GOT, and find people who you can give your all to in return for their friendship, trust, and great times. 20 months ago
