let go of my past

We all have our stories. I have all these wonderful stories…stories about my childhood, my family, my best friend, my first kiss & my first love. And then I have stories that I’d like to lock up & never read again. Grief, pain, shock, horror. The first time I realized death, heartbreak, apathy & cruelty. But I learned. I learned compassion & thoughtfulness. Most importantly, I learned that I have to learn these stories to make new chapters in my life.

Recap? I don’t think letting go is the answer. Remembering with nostalgia the beautiful stories, so that I can hold them forever in my heart is the answer. Understanding the ugly ones, so that I can create beautiful ones, is the answer.

I had a father who never let me live up to my potential; he told me how worthless i was, and abuse happened everyday. I felt ashamed to be alive, and decided that I had to get away from him or I was going to die. In 2004 I took my mom and sister and left my father; I was 14. To this day, I know that I am better off without him, but somedays look brighter than others. I don’t miss him, but some days I wish I had a family. I am unstable when it comes to relationships because I am terrified to come across a guy who turns out the be like my father; a bipolor, alcoholic homosexual petifile. All we were to him was a smokescreen. Money is always hard to come by, even though i’ve been working since i was 15 and I’ve been living alone in an apartment for a year and a half. College happens next summer, and I can only hope i don’t spend the rest of my life paying it off. Money and trust are the worst aspects in all of this, and I know that trust is the only thing i should worry about because money can only make u happy for a while, where trust is life long.
Time is a healer, but for some reason it feels like it’s impossible to let this go.

Everyday gets easier. The day that your heart gets broken you think you will never love again. Day after day, time after time, it just gets easier and easier. Eventually you can’t control everything you think that you can control in this life and you decide that if you don’t let go you will surely lose your sanity. There is a lot of pain and darkness in my life at this time, much more from the PAST. I was letting in haunt me and tear me apart. Extreme amounts of shame, guilt, pain, anger, hurt, but time is healing me and everyday becomes easier and easier and I let go a bit more each day. It is a lifetime goal. You must always forgive yourself, and if you can’t then how are you to “let go”? Live and let live.

Letting go of the past is hard. It’s hard for anyone. Especially someone who has been through what I have. You see, I was molested for 8 years when I was younger and I still go through that pain everyday. It hurts. Someday I want to let go of that pain. I want to feel happy and free again. Just how do I do this? I have no idea. I take medicine, go to therapy once a week, and am currently trying to put this bastard behind bars. is that enough? I have no idea. I hope so. It drains my energy so much. But i keep trying, cause I know I need to let go of my past to have a better future.

i have had a very painful past…like cheating on my bf and not to mention lots of other stuff

i hate my life right now…i dont have any good memories of my elementary (no comment) and i thought by moving away i would leave all of that behind. But now in my history class, someone who used to go to my elementary school is in there and i’m afraid that he might bring up my past that i’ve worked hard to forget