be a better girlfriend

Things were going good for awhile I guess, but yesterday I got mad at him and yeah I’m still mad at him, this is the longest I’ve been mad at him. He apologized to me, not even knowing what he did wrong and I haven’t accepted his apology nor do I really want to at this moment. Augh!

I sent him some home-made biscuits with the container decorated and interspersed with little notes that he’ll find as he eats them, along with a letter, and a photograph of the two of us the last time we were together. He said it was a lovely surprise to find when he got home.
Not something I’ll be doing regularly, but hopefully something little that cheered him up.

I don’t always think that I show him how much I care about him, I know that I nag too much and should try to keep my mouth shut about the little things especially when it’s really not aimed at him. I think this is especially important because we’re in a long distance relationship and have been through some difficult times (though hasn’t everyone?). I want him to know that I love him, and not have continual doubts.
I’ll try.

Well, things are pretty bad right now….I’ve been trying to be a better girlfriend to my boyfriend, but I don’t think I’m doing a very good job….We’ve been together for a while and yet we argue almost everyday. I feel like he doesn’t have time for me. He has so much to do, and I always get jealous because there’s a ton of girls I don’t like that get to see him more than I do….He knows how I feel about them, and yet, he talks to them sometimes. It’s hard for me to trust him…but I’m trying. I really need to have more confidence in him…..Also, I always get mad when I don’t get my way and I always pin the blame on him even when something’s my fault. I never like blamming myself for anything, but I’ve started to…..I don’t know what to do. Even when he tells me he loves me more than anything, I tell him he’s lying. He even says he loves me more than I love him, but I don’t think that’s true. I’m just bitchy sometimes….okay, well, alot of the time….I just want to make things work. We have both done a lot of growing up, but I’ve noticed that nothing he does is ever good enough for me when I know it should be. We both have things we need to change and he knows that, but right now I feel like I’m giving him more stress than he needs in his already stressed out life. I should be helping him relieve that stress and know he has someone who loves him unconditionally. I do. I love him more than anything, but I need to be a better girlfriend to him, just like he has been trying to be a better boyfriend to me. I know I can do this.

I’m selfish. I’m inattentive. I want to be a better girlfriend. He says that he loves me more than I love him. I used to protest, but now I’m not so sure. I do love him, and I want to spend my life with him. But, I’m a terrible girlfriend. I goad him. I pester him. I act so mean. I have drifted through most of my life completely alone. How do I change?

Yesterday I got mad at him again, but augh at least I made up after several minutes went by.

I got mad at my boyfriend again today. I basically misunderstood something he said, and what I heard him say scared me. I finally asked him about it later, and he told me he had said something entirely different. And his reasoning for why he wouldn’t say it to me was totally legit. I need to stop getting so angry so much at him and definitely ask him about things before I jump the gun. To think breaking up with him crossed my mind today!

I’m so mad right now. I called my boyfriend last night and only talked to him maybe 14 minutes, then a few minutes before midnight I cut the call short so he could call his ex girlfriend, whom he wanted to call because he was worried about her. He said he would call me afterward but then never did!

Instead of bottling it up and pretending like it didn’t bother me, that it was “okay,” I’m going to speak my mind with him. I feel that’s my way of being a better girlfriend, in this situation.

edit @ 1:11 PM: Talked to my boyfriend and he said he didnt get ahold of his ex so he just went to bed. He said he was sorry for not calling me and asked if I forgave him, and I did.

Last night my boyfriend went to the hospital, and I was so scared and worried. If we didn’t have our long-distance relationship I would have gone with him.
He was checked over and they found out he just has the flu; I was thinking it was something much worse and that I could have lost him. I couldn’t sleep and stayed up til he called me when he got home at like 1 AM or so. He was touched that I stayed up so late from being worried. This whole incident has made us closer, I feel.

Skyping with my boyfriend, and I feel so much love for him so that’s good, makes me feel more loyal to him I feel.