grieve the loss of my dog

I’m still crying, not as much as the past days…(mostly because I don’t have any tears left) but I’m managing to function like a normal person. Its hard and painful to know that my baby is not here anymore.. that I wont see him or hear him, that he wont greet me when I get home. Today I’ll light a candle for him. I hope wherever he’s at
he gives me strength to accept that he is gone.

Nothing can ever be said
To explain the loneliness in my heart
Or the trouble in my head
that’s been stirring up since the day we were pulled apart.
Once upon a time,
Memories wore smiles
And you and I were partners in crime
Always side by side, our love never on trial.
Running down the road of life,
I never saw too far ahead,
I had all that I wanted and needed
Never thinking we were running too fast, running faster instead.
You were my childhood,
you were my innocence,
You were everything that time would
Rob me of, in a sense.
With speed and momentum,
We hit a dead end
Never realizing the end was for you
Until I saw you couldn’t take the hand I was trying to lend.
My world changed overnight
when I tried to hold on
The world kept on moving with nothing in sight
And the world spun around me as I lost you.
Now memories wear tears
And you’re a shadow
of all my former years
that I will hold onto wherever I go.

I WAS WALKING DOWN A SHELTER

OF HOMELESS CATS AND DOGS

BY MY KNEES I THOUGHT I FELT HER

WALKING HAPPILY NEXT TO ME

LIKE I USED TO DO, NOT SO LONG AGO

I CALLED HER NAME OUT LOUD

BUT AMONGST A ROOM FULL OF LIFE

NOT A SOUND ABOUND

TROUBLED AND AT STRIFE,

I TRIED TO SEE AHEAD

BUT IN THIS GAME OF LIFE

IT IS HARD TO COMPREHEND

WHILE WE ARE LIVING TO WIN,

WE ARE DYING TO LOSE

AND WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

FOR THAT, WE HAVE NO EXCUSE

IN SORROW AND IN SHAME

I LOOKED DOWN AT MY FEET

FOR A MOMENT I SAW A SHADOW FLEET

LOIS WAS HER NAME,

AND SHE HAD MADE HER LIFE COMPLETE.

by me, february 26, 2007

I ONLY WANTED YOU
They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.
A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.
If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane, I’d walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Anonymous

May you forever rest in peace, lois.
I will always remember the first day I laid eyes on you,
What a sweet puppy you were,
They said you were the runt of the litter,
But I had never seen a more beautiful chihuahua
With balloons tied to those big ears,
I couldn’t stop thanking the stars up above
For a sweet puppy such as you
A young girl I was,
now,
Twelve years later
We watched life change before our eyes
So many memories
Now tears are their disguise
As I try to figure out why, oh why,
Did my sweet lois have to go
That little growl
That little dance
Those little eyes
But that enormous heart
Lois, so sweet and lovely
I guess I will never know
why in LIFE things work out this way
All I know is that right now
I’m crying you an ocean
so that one day
I may swim back to you.

Lois, my forever friend
How I love you so…
How I will miss you so…

Getting myself to write about my Gala has not been. I think about her much, and I think that I need to write for my grieving. But I just go around it. I guess it just has to come when it has to. But the words have difficulty to come to me.

But something out of the ordinary occured. Earlier today, I sensed a deep feeling that I wanted to hold and embrace her. Knowing that tomorrow would be 4 months that had passed since she died, I thought to myself that I should wait until then. But instead, I reached for her urn and embraced her while I took a short nap. Afterwards, I placed it back and lit a candle.

Later on, I came across the calendar and realized that I had my dates mixed up. Today wasn’t the 28th but was the 29th! This left me perplexed; I still can’t put it quite together or maybe there isn’t anything to put together…

The thing now is that I felt the urge to write about it. And I want to continue to write about her, so I’ll always remember the little things —and the big things— that made her and that made me love her :o) I miss her so, so much…

With profound grief, we are very sad to announce the passing of our beloved Gala.

Her health suddenly and unexpectedly declined and was unfortunately diagnosed with advanced cancer in her kidneys. With no hopeful outcome or treatment that would offer a minimum of quality of life, we had to make the most difficult decision to put her to sleep, sparing her from further suffering. She died peacefully on Monday, January 29th in the company of us who loved her so dearly.

Gala loved the sand… and she loved the snow… and she loved to run, run like the wind…

She was a sweetheart from the moment we met, and she brought so much love and joy into our lives, that we’ll always feel grateful that she let us be a part of her life and that she be a part of ours.

She’ll be dearly missed, and she’ll always be in our hearts.

To our girl Gala with all our love always.