tell someone how i really feel

I laid out why I was breaking up with them as a friend in a very example-laden and non-swear word-y way. It’s nice when assertive communication works out well.

I’m not a touchy-feely kinda person, so when I decided to express my deep attraction to this fascinating fellow, my first thought was that I’ve exposed myself and am now vulnerable to a big fat rejection. Well, neither was I rejected, nor was I given any indication if I have a chance or not. I’d feel silly writing him again and asking him to clarify, (fearing that I might get some worse news!) so I’m not sure whether or not I helped my case or not. Does this unknown response mean something, or is it just in my head? Frankly, my head is about filled to capacity with this matured ‘feeling’. I would imagine that there’s an expiry date, but maybe it’ll have to go stale before I realize it.

You know, I have friends that wonder why I don’t divulge my ‘inner secrets’ as freely as they do. They want to see some emotion from me rather than cringe at the topics of conversation that we discuss. As civilized ladies in our mid-twenties, I would assume that topics such as relationships and our personal choices are things that girls discuss. However, my lack of experience in these areas leave me not able to participate. It’s not that I wouldn’t like to, it’s that I have nothing to contribute so I just listen and give my generic two cents. Imagine the ‘Sex and the City’ girls…and me. They know me well, and have come to see me as the ‘goody-goody’ for that reason. I have been tagged a “Little House on the Prairie” girl with my Prada in hand. So I have accepted that label. However, they are a persistent bunch and I gotta give them some credit…so girls, your efforts are admirable. Perhaps the day will come when I will feel comfortable to leave the ‘prairie’ life in exchange for the ‘city’ lifestyle…is my Cadillac buggy equipped for what lays ahead…I think I am.