treat the people who love me better

So I’m getting a little better – thanks for the cheer jess!
I treat him nicer, but in my head sometimes I’m not so nice and brood. Same with one of my friends. I was angry at her as she had better friends, but she’s all I have (stupid huh?) so I said mean things when others were saying similar stuff. I felt so bad. I remembered something she really wanted and bought it for her. She was so happy. Now I’m going to make time to take her out to sushi and have made the effort to get to know her boyf.
Going to the movies tonight with the fiance so have to treat him and be loving and happy like he likes, not bitter and sour.

I snap at him, I get mad at him when its not his fault, and yet he’s still around, looking after me and loving me! I’m stoked and so happy when I’m around him – its when we’re apart that we both suffer. And when he is critical of me, I get scared that he isn’t loving me as much and I get defensive :(
Why can’t I just treat him like he deserves?

When I buy him stuff, it seems fake and wrong, but he gets me little things now and then that brighten up my day. He’s tried so hard to “appreciate” me and now he does, I feel bad as I can’t touch him in the same way :(

I have a plan for his birthday and I cook him meals and try to look after him, but sometimes I push him away when he criticises my driving or decisions.