improve my character

For the sake of the people around me and my 3 year relationship…I need to and soon

I would like to be more decisive, industrious, fearless, and financially wise.

I’m probably no better than I was a year ago. No, I take that back. I haven’t stood on my tiptoes as a yell at a car rental twerp just to show him I’m an amazon woman. I haven’t made anyone passout because I made them upset. I haven’t been so passive aggressive with my husband that he calls me a fuck ass.

But…in a year, I have:

1) Followed a woman in a Lexus who was behind me and honked really long because I turned (into a residential street where kids play) too slowly. Scared the woman because I was following her.

2) Was a complete bitch to our incompetant janitorial company after I had fired them.

3) Got mad at the bank because they wouldn’t give me a printed record with my balance on it after they had let me deposit cash into my account, because I didn’t have my ATM card with me. I dumped my entire purse onto the teller’s counter so I could look for the card. Didn’t find it, but left lint on the counter.

I try to give a peace sign to the nimrods who cut me off or are bad drivers. And I’ve tried to be a kinder, more patient person.

But has my character improved? Probably not much.

Can someone change their stripes? Will I ever not be a bitch? Is it possible for someone to completely change their personality?

Why do I lose my temper on the phone? Just because people are nimrods…why do I lose my cool? Last night I growled at an HMO employee.

Growled. Really.

A woman cut me off south of Market. 15 minutes later, in front of my apt, there she was again, taking my parking spot. I couldn’t help myself. I bitched at her for taking the spot. Then I told her I put a curse on the spot and her for taking it, then I went off to find a new spot.

Three minutes later she gave up trying to fit her gigantic Mercedes into it, and drove away.

Guess that curse worked. But boy, was that bitchy of me.

Why are cyclists exempt from traffic laws? They want to be treated like a vehicle, yet they break all the laws. Specifically, STOP signs.

You’re a cyclist. You’re in a designated bike lane. You’re coming up to an intersection with a STOP sign. You see cars in the right-hand turn lane. Cars are turning. Into your path. What do you do? STOP at the STOP sign and wait your turn? Or yell and holler at the car making the legal turn, after they have come to a full STOP?

Hmmm. I run into this at the Duboce/15th Street detour daily. I now know to watch for these maniacs who think traffic laws are for cars only.

Yesterday I was crabby. Hot. Tired. And I really wanted to honk and holler at the guy who blew through the STOP sign, who would have been windshield dressing on my car had I not looked for him speeding towards the STOP sign at 40 MPH.

But I didn’t. Yey for me getting past it. And I am. Really. I am.

I try to be nice. But my anger gets the better of me. I keep trying. I keep trying. I have to remember that I’m a stone, and the ripples I make in the pond affect everyone else.

Oh, but sometimes it’s just so HARD to be a good-hearted person.

I made it through two days without honking at anyone other than to tell them they were about to run into me. I also didn’t lose my cool on the phone. I was sweet and when I started to think the nimrod I was talking to should be kicked in the head a could of times, I breathed and put the phone down.

Nimrods railed on, not knowing any different. Worked for me. Huh. Maybe there’s something to this breathing trend.

I lose my cool way too often. Just blow up. Kablooey. Usually with complete strangers. That’s not fair for them, totally rotten of me. I think it shows a weak character. I’d like to be able to say I never lose my cool. No road rage, no on-hold rage, no bill-paying rage, no reacting to ignorant people rage….