cry

I…...haven’t cried in over a year.

At least not for personal reasons. I mean, I’ve cried watching sad parts on a TV series or movie but…...not because of how I feel.

Some days I find myself utterly miserable. Can I cry? Can I even feel the tears welling up inside me?

...no

I’ve emotionally castrated myself. I think it’s to do with the fact that, my significant other is prone to depression. There was a point in time when it felt she was doign nothing but crying.

I think I said to myself “If you cried half as much as she does, nothing would get done in a day”

So I stopped. I walled it all inside, this tragedy and unhappiness, telling myself I couldn’t cry now. There will be time later, but now, you can’t.

I dunno if it takes a strong person or an insane person to willing put themselves through that.

The last time I let myself cry was when I first moved “here”. Talking to my parents back “home” made my throat tight and my voice crack and I quietly sobbed myself to sleep for the first few nights.

But recently, I’ve spent countless, sleeples nights staring at the ceiling, wallowing in my own sorrow, thinking:

“And the saddest part is you can’t even cry…....”

I don’t know how to even begin re-learning something that should come so naturally. I’ve recently forced myself to watch and listen to emotionally charged shows/movies/songs just to try and stir…...something.

I think I have a long road ahead of me trying to heal this wound…

cry
let the old sorrow
and mental clutter
go

could someone please
slap me in the face a
few times to start the
process?

yay

that su tui ko bjk giai~ wit’ may’ chien kho’ khan the’ na`o nau~ nguoc lai tui co`n khoc’ wai` nua<sub>.Tui chi</sub> bjk khoc’ moI~ khi gap chien j`i wa’ kho’ khan ngoa`i ra mu` tit ko co`n bjk ji`

It’s weird how sometimes you don’t even need a reason to cry.
But, recently, I’m beginning to feel depressed. I had a huge fight with one of my friends for stupid reasons like rumors and we never really got back together. One of my closest friend is drifting away, and the other one is for sure moving into an entirely different continent. I feel as if there is no reason for me to even exist anymore.
But I pour myself over my studies. I’m one of the best students in my class. I’m head of student government, and all the teachers love me. My work is presented to principles. When I walk down the hallway, people stop and talk to me, ask me for help and advice. Yet, I feel this is nothing. I don’t have anyone I can really turn to, when I need them the most. No one I can trust entirely with my life and soul. My life has may look glamorous on the outside, but it has turned so bad on the inside, that I don’t even know what to do. I mean, I could call up one of my 50 something friends and not feel this threatening loneliness anymore. But, hey, they’re not even really my friends. They’re just people that share the same classes and add you on their facebook and say hi when you walk by. Does anyone feel like I do? Maybe this is a phase that I will soon pass. Maybe I’m just pulling away from happiness which is right before my eyes. But I feel like I just need a rest from the world. And cry.
And cry.

The last time I cried, I was prepairing to leave everyone and everything I had known. The person I care about more than anything, including my own life, had been growing increasingly distant for months, to the point that she would not even look at me if we ran into each-other. After months of being ignored by my best friend, I finally asked her what the hell was going on. She said I made her “feel like shit,” and that she didn’t like feeling like shit. The only person I thought I could always count on turned her back on me when I needed her most. She was all I had. I cried for most of two days. I haven’t cried since. It’s like I cried all of my tears, and now they’re all gone. I feel like I’m surrounded by a sea of emotion, but I can’t quite see it. If I could cry, I think it would all drain out. I have so many emotions bottles up inside, I can’t feel anymore.

Tears don’t come easy, that’s for sure.

i’ve been reading sad stories….....listening to sad songs….....watching sad movies just cant do it =[

it was great! I hadn’t cried in years before that.

its hard to tell my emotions just by looking, and i cant recall the last time a cried.