Is getting a sense of comfort from reading these entries disgusting or is it just a normal feeling one gets knowing they aren’t the only ones? One of the biggest mistakes of my life was to have ever started to gamble. Gambling has robbed my life of 14 years. Even as I write this entry I’m contemplating who I will borrow more money from to make a bet for tomorrow’s game. Gambling is the reason my credit scores are wrecked, my debt is mountain high, my anxiety, sleep, social life, and a number of other health related problems have befallen me. I don’t think gambling was the starting point. Depression from low self esteem and self worth, guilt, pessimism, afraid of the paranormal as a teenager were the initial ingredients to this miserable disease called addiction. I call it a disease not to withdraw myself from any culpability but rather to champion a plague that affects millions across the world. I would never ever advice someone to gamble who is not emotionally stable. When you have mental problems like depression it is very easy to fall into the gambling addiction trap. Because depression leads to isolation your only refuse for some sort of connection to the outer world is gambling. Why is it always a connection to an unhealthy vice? I don’t know. I do know that when you are not healthy from the top it is hard to make rational decision like when to stop. There were times when I actually won about 14 grand or maybe even 15 grand to only lose back at the black jack tables. By the way, I started with 100 dollars. I still cannot forget. It is like I feel better when I lose. I feel like okay, that is what should happen. I feel like i’m trapped. If I win I feel guilty. If I lose, I get stressed and angry but a little calm because I have satiated my appetite for gambling. It is a vicious cycle. It is horrible. The friends and connections I could have made. The career I could have chosen. The quality of life I could have had. I have tried to stop so many times only to fall short, oh so very short. I can’t last more than a month. If at that, it’s because I get paid once a month so I need to wait. The job promotions I have passed because in some way or another I do have some skills. I do have work ethic. But people believe I’m healthy. They see me talking about health, supplements, food, diet, and they think I’m healthy. Maybe from the neck down yes but from the neck up nooooooo. Even from the neck down I’m starting to get sick. Back pain is severe. Abdominal pain is chronic. My body is always tired. I’m in my early 30’s yet I feel like I’m 50. I know that is arbitrary but you know what I mean. I guess the only reason I’m not sicker than I should be from the chronic stress, anxiety, insomnia, and everything that falls under General Anxiety Disorders is because I do eat healthy. I stayed away from fast food joints while other people, a few friends/acquaintances, peers, and co workers snickered. I drink high quality supplements like krill oil, pro biotics , whole food multivitamins, ubiquinol, resvestarol, and other supplements. My diet is rich in lean meats like turkey breasts and chicken breasts. A lot of sea food like tuna, salmon, and sardines and mackeral. No soda pops only water. Mostly whole food that are not very highly processed. Everything mostly from its natural origin as can be even though in these times the quality is getting less better. However, I still think it is better than the junk at fast foods. Exercise has always been a staple of my life. Even though when you are dead tired from chronic insomnia you don’t want to exercise I still find a way to get going. I guess those are the only two reasons why I haven’t developed anything more serious. Exercise and nutrition. From a scientific point of view I mean. I don’t know about God’s will or whatever you call it. Purposeful life, divine intervention. I’ll just stick to what I know from what I read. Going back to the gambling, I guess it is hard to move forward because it is very hard to forget the past. Its like I can’t stop thinking of the losses. I can’t forget and move forward. It’s like I want to say to the casinos that they don’t have the last word. That I will make my money back. But even if you do make that money back look at the time that you will have to take to make it back. Look at all the stress from all the games that are always so nerve wracking to watch. The best option is to just stop. But it is just so hard. Nevertheless, after all the down and very little ups, I still want to continue to live. I dream of one day climbing a mountain to the top and yelling, crying, laughing, of my freedom from gambling. I still feel like as long as I’m alive there’s time to make changes for myself, my family which I have neglected, and for society. Assuming I have twenty to thirty more years to live I still can do a lot of things. Not just for me although I have to start with me for the purpose of getting better. But I want to change lives, I want to help others going through this problem . I don’t want them to fall into the same pit. I know I will get passed this gambling life and move on to a better. It is hard, very hard, but I can do it. Before I started to write I was feeling very stressed. A lot of thoughts in my head. Especially after another loss in baseball from the Red Sox and Rays series. I took the over and of course it was an under. It was the most under game in the series. It still amazes me. One day it wont. As I was saying, before I started to write I was very stressed. But this has been a stress relieving experience. A very cathartic one. It is almost bedtime. I will continue with my ritual. 2milligrams of klonopin anti anxiety meds and 75 milligrams of pregablin. I need to sleep. I’m exhausted. I hope I sleep. If this is the last post I ever make I hope that when I come back I can read it and just have all this behind me. Good night. 1 month ago
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www.captureddiscipline.com/ Time-lock steel safe locks up cash, debit/credit cards, checks, and ...
People doing thisSee everyone
Think of how shit you feel when gambling money you can’t afford to lose. Think of your family and how it affects them. Your mood swings and the fact you work so hard to throw it all away on shit bets. 11 months ago
I kept a diary that charted the progression of my journey through the chasms of moral doubt, the quicksand of emotional instability and the labyrinth of rationalizations. And yet whatever insights I gleaned there is no guarantee that I will ever be “cured” from my compulsion. In truth, abstaining from gambling for someone who is compulsive has nothing to do with insights, it has to do with something more spiritual. A compulsive gambler can connect all the dots, have the “whys” and reasons made blindingly clear, and still want nothing more than to gamble. This realization yields the profoundly wise advice found in the serenity prayer, “Accept what we cannot control.” Accepting one’s disempowerment or surrendering to that which one cannot control is a thought that runs counter to this culture’s celebration of empowerment. Yet, that is the first step in coming to terms with any compulsion, no less one as vexing as gambling. Admitting that you are not in control takes the ego out of play and brings in the spiritual; the willingness to accept that we are limited, we are incomplete, but that much closer to our divinity.
From Diary of A Compulsive Gambler – Anonymous, (Amazon) 12 months ago
5 years of gambling has wiped out my savings, my retirement and my integrity. Now at 57, I am lucky to have a job with no benefits and living from paycheck to paycheck. I have become a recluse from my family and friends.
I want to quit and pay my bills, get a car and maybe one day have a home again.
A holiday with no food and money sure makes for poor existence. 12 months ago
So tomorrow will be my day 1 on quitting gambling! quitting my 22 year addiction which I love but hate at the same time but it has to end and tomorrow will be the start of a new life 15 months ago
Don’t sure anyone reads these but it feels good to write anyway, I didn’t give up gambling what so ever these past two years. I have had my up’s and downs! I have actually banned myself from gala casinos!! I was very surprised at the fact that I needed to! But it helps very much!! I haven’t been in roulette for a week now which doesn’t sound a lot but the fact I haven’t had the urge to go in helps!!!
Good luck to anyone who is fighting this addiction, you’ll do it! X 16 months ago
when chinese new year was nearing and the invites to gamble started coming in, it actually didn’t take me long to decide that i didn’t want to gamble anymore. i thought about how gambling, like the other addictions, were so devastating to my life. i have begged, borrowed, stolen, sold and lied because of my addictions. my life is so different now, i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation ever again. also, now that i have a better understanding of money, there are other ways i would like to use it. i use the money, the money doesn’t use me. 20 months ago
I can’t believe it’s been 3 yrs since my 1st post and Im still doing the same ole stuff! I have a horrible addiction,I’m not getting any younger, I’m just so burned out! I want to do things, I want to travel want to drive a new car, but how can I? I have this horrible addiction! I asked God to give me a sign and the strength to overcome this. I recently got a raise at my job, I’m now making almost $4000 a month and do u think I see any of it? NOPE! Why? Because I’m a loser! I could be at the Casino and be up $600 and I have to leave with nothing! It’s like this crazy feeling that I I’m not happy until I’m broke! It’s day 1 for me, I’m hoping I could be strong for myself and my family. 20 months ago
I’m still gambling…. The last time I posted anything was almost 2 yrs ago. I was 32 yrs old, now Im 34 and still gambling. I hate that it’s so hard to stop. I’m not gambling as much anymore, I was trying to fix my credit. Before I was gambling $2000 a month now it’s about $800, that’s still a lot of money, I could buy so much, I could pay bills off or most importantly I could pay back my family that I borrowed money to gamble. The most time I went without gambling was 3 months. I’m hoping when I get paid next week I could just stay home with my family. I’m so sAd:( 2 years ago
As of now, 13.37 on the 28th October, I am no longer gambling. This means, no bingo, slot machines, online betting etc etc…. The only thing I will do is the odd go of the euromillion’s when it’s a 34838 rollover lol Gotta have some faith! 2 years ago
Life is worth it and so are those around me. This time I banned myself and I am not going back to playing poker!! 2 years ago
How I did it: Hi Im Jason and I'm a recovered compulsive gambler.
Here's how I beat my gambling addiction.
1. I realized I had a serious problem that I couldn't stop on
my own......(so I went and got help)
2. I accepted the FACT that my gambling addiction was a
permanent problem I had to both overcome and
manage. (with help from other people)
3. Anytime my gambling addiction tried to convince me
that I was okay, or that my problem wasn't
permanent, I turned up the heat on my addiction. I
reached out for MORE help, I read more literature,
got more one on one help, and re-applied what I'd
4. I refreshed my memory of the new principles I was
living by. I did this by committing just one hour per
week. And I committed to reading just 5-10 minutes
5. I made a commitment. I committed to my goal of
overcoming my gambling addiction no matter what.
6. I had an open mind. If I questioned some technique
or suggestion made, I stopped. I embraced the help
and advice of those who beat their gambling
7. I learned how to overcome my gambling urges and
8. I learned how to overcome and silence my thoughts
9. I did all of the above, and took life
ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Now I help others stop their gambling addiction.
If you'd like free help, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
P.S. You CAN do this. You can stop your gambling.
1000's have done it....You Can Too. Read how I did it… 3 years ago