share 43 moments of deep soulfulness

On my way to work the other day, I was listening to the radio, and the most incredible song before. I had heard it before, but never really listened to it.

The lyrics caught me totally off-guard. And I just started to cry right there in my car. Driving along and crying so hard I could barely see. I pulled over and just let the song roll over me.

Life and the future and the people we’ve left behind and hope and everything just rolled over me. And it was incredible.

I shut the radio off so I could just let the moment absorb me. And it did.

“When we get to Heaven, can I taste the Milky Way? Are we going there to visit, or are we going there to stay? Am I gonna see my Grandma can I have a pair of wings? Do you think that God could use another angel to help pour out the rain?”

In two months, it will be two years since I spent two and a half weeks travelling in Europe. Overall, one of the best experiences in my life and definitely once in a lifetime.

We got a CD of what we recorded over there. Sometimes I stick the CD in my car CD player and sing and reminisce as I drive. It’s incredible how just hearing those words and melodies again can take me back there. I remember things that I had almost forgotten, the little details that I rarely think about.

One of these songs, “When You Believe,” from The Prince of Egypt never fails to give me goosebumps.

I remember standing there during our last concert in Austria. As we sang the lyrics, “There can be miracles when you believe! Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill…” I looked over the Alps and took it in. I realized that I would never be there again, singing and taking in this amazing scene.

My eyes overflowed.

I carry that moment with me

yea—deep soulfulness. check. daily. it is a state of being.

It was winter. I was probably about 17 or 18 years old. Just delving in to my love of poetry. My best friend and I were slated to go on this trip into the mountains to stay at her cabin over winter break. I always loved going out there. The lake that her cabin sat next to was so serene, and it was wonderful to adventure around and explore the trail that circled it. We did that a lot. I did it more than anyone else on the trip. There were some big rocks out there, one that was big enough to be an island in the middle of the small lake. I was excited to go, as always. I brought my ice skates. Before we left, I had done some studying of E.E. Cummings.

I remember I was out on the ice alone over the course of this trip, ice skating on the rutty, cracked, frozen lake. I suddenly was inspired to write an entire E.E. Cummings poem out in the snow on the lake. I thought of the poem below, and realized I had it memorized. It made me so happy to write it out with the canvas of nature that I had in front of me. I actually wrote it in the snow that was undisturbed on the lake and I had this crazy idea that I would be able to read it from the cabin’s back porch. I was young then. After I wrote it out, I went back up to the cabin and stood on the back porch to see if I could read it from there.

E.E. Cummings

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry
—the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids’ flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life’s not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

~E.E. Cummings

*So funny, I was unable to read it from the back porch, though. From the lake, yes, while ice skating near it. But not from the back porch.”

I met two people from the 10K group that I coach on Tuesday night, after a busy day at work. They were going to be out of town for our official meeting on Thursday, and so they asked me if I could meet up with them on Tuesday so they could get their miles in with my help. They are new runners and so they ask a lot of questions and listen to everything I say with open ears. It’s fun and I really enjoy helping them. We did the 5 mile loop on Lady Bird Lake. The sun was setting on the water of the lake and the light had that unmistakable golden glow of late winter at sunset. As we puttered along, and we saw Desiree Ficker, my all-time triathlon idol. She was running with a guy around the lake in the opposite direction. I told the two newbie runners all about her and about how amazed, awed and humbled I am by her athletic ability. I bragged for her and told them she got second place at Kona in 2006. I’m still proud of her for that. Anyway, as we were running by her she made direct eye contact with me, and I think she recognized me. That made me feel really special. As we rounded the lake I saw a few of my friends from the Nike training group, and that made me feel even more special and loved. We waved to each other briefly and then ran on. As we got to the opposite side of the lake we saw Desiree Ficker again, the sun was setting on the city behind her. It was a beautiful moment. Even more beautiful though were the hugs I got from my two newbie runner friends. I love getting people into running and coaching is the best for that. I can experience their joy first hand and it is constantly inspiring to me.


After doing a bit of stretching after the run, it was time to head to spin class. I decided I wanted to do an upside down brick workout. I headed to my gym immediately after the run, indie music blaring on my car radio as I basked in the winter humidity of Austin. I got to my gym and ran in, still wearing my running shorts and singlet. I had never done a spin class in my running shorts before, and actually it was less of an issue than I was expecting. The spin class felt great. Afterward, I got off my spin bike and did some yoga over in the stretching area. As I went deep into some forward bends and hip openers to loosen my IT band, I began to feel the same euphoria that I feel after a race. Joy filled me, and I felt as I was walking on air as I left the gym that night. I got into my car and every song that was on the radio made me sing, laugh and smile. I haven’t had that same after-workout walking on air feeling in a long time. The last time I remember it happening consistently was while training for the Austin Marathon in 2008. After every long weekend training run, I would leave my running group walking on air. The feeling really only happens when I’m by myself. It’s neat. I wait for the time when I can have that walking on air feeling again. Maybe it’s just my endorphins, maybe it’s just my quads and hamstrings flaking out, but it is a great, floating on air euphoric feeling nonetheless.

So my training week began with me doing a stellar workout with a guy that is a bit faster than me. He coaches another sub-group just like I do. The faster group. He met me on Monday to do some track work at Austin High School’s track. We did a mile warm up, 400 m worth of drills, and then we did another mile of sprinting the straights and jogging the corners. Add another mile cool down and we were done. He was pushing me and the sweat on my brow and the beat of my legs felt good on the red track. We were running at our 10K pace or faster, and so I was pushing to keep up with him on the sprints. I was super sore the next day, mostly in my gluteal muscles. Yes, my butt.

I still proceeded to go on an extremely hilly 5 mile run the next night, Tuesday. I met up with a great group called Nike Run TX Training group. The group congealed and organized over the past few months in order to train for a 10K at the end of August 2008. They are meeting 3 x a week for 3 & 5 mile runs complete with pacers, free food, free beer and sometimes music afterward. I couldn’t miss the Tuesday run. I set out with the 9:00 min/mile pace group and we proceed over a course in the neighborhoods South of downtown Austin that contains rolling hill after gradual hill after steep hill after gradual hill after rolling hill. I actually can count on one hand the number of times we were running on a flat road. It was wild. Needless to say, I was happy when I ventured up the last hill to the food and beer. Immediately upon entering the Nike compound at Guero’s Taco Bar, I gulped down 2 cups of water and then made a beeline for the beer. It was a great moment to be inside of my body.

Staring at her honey blond hair shining in fall sunlight as we trek across the Indian Peaks, weighted down by all we need to survive for 3 days on a back packing trip.

Sometimes, experiences are just too amazing, too soulful, for words.
This is one of them, so I’ll tell it straight up.

In a little French town this summer, our tour guide organized a concert in a Catholic cathedral. It was breathtaking.

Our voices echoed up into the church, filling it with the most beautiful sound. As we sang, our voices echoed back at us. It knocked the breath right out of me, it was simply wonderful.

We sang the songs a capella, making everything all the more beautiful.

There are no words.

And God whispered down on us.

“From the rising of the sun to the going down of the same, the name of the Lord God is to be praised, I’ll praise him all of my days!”

43 moments of deep soulfulness could make great poems, or short stories, or ideas for paintings. They can enrich your life. I hope I can focus on this!

Moment #1 – Picking blackberries with a friend in the middle of a 5 mile run, sweaty, hungry, and tired. We threw them into one another’s mouths. They were fresh and right off the bush.

whispering at nighttime