Embrace my Paganism regularly

Yesterday marked the first anniversary since our beloved cat Burroughs was taken from us when he was killed suddenly by a car. It was a very traumatic experience for the whole family.

As it was Full Moon we had a special meal and the usual cakes, lit a candle for our dear boy and told stories about him, his distinctive voice when he would come through the cat flap, stuff like that.

I did the usual private ritual with the 13th cake, giving some to the earth, and sending some to the sky through the birds. My bunny had a piece too and will no doubt have more if the birds have left any!

after a long break I made moon cakes again. I always make 13 and give one to the birds/scatter in the garden, and we all share the remaining 12. It goes so well with wine and satisfies my need for sharing something spiritually with the family.
Anyway I must plan a great Oestara/Eostre and do something for myself too.

Lately I have been suffering with my mother, she has persistently argued with me about religion and how I am bringing up my children. It is hard because I firmly believe I should not have to justify myself to anyone, and I also feel I am prosletyzing when I do – I won’t put up with that from anyone and I certainly don’t want to be that way. I am not out to change how anyone thinks so why do I try to justify myself?

Argh – rant over, I do not really want to go into the whys and wherefores of the matter with my mum here.

Anyway, what I should be doing is studying the areas I feel I need to work on or need help sorting out in my mind. Also work on the meditation goal, that will help immensely. I need to be secure with my own beliefs and let the rest of the world go about it’s business in it’s own way! i should tell my mum to do the same next time she gets all churchy on me.

Shortly after my previous entry I had a setback, I didn’t get around to doing all that I hoped but I am trying to make myself focus.

I’ve had a fab idea for a Yule Calendar (my son thinks we should call it a Solar Calendar) instead of an advent calendar. Each year they usually want a chocolate one, and while sometimes you can buy ones that go on till the 31st, very often they only go up to the 25th or 24th.

I am going to make one out of 32 matchboxes, with a removeable star to mark the Solstice day as it changes slightly from year to year. The 32nd one will simply say ‘Happy New Year!” because in my household we make a big deal of the first day of the calendar year too. Traditionally I give them each a Calendar after Midnight, and a diary for my husband. I thought it would be extra special if they also had a box to open that day too!

I am making them one each so that when they grow big enough to move away from home, they can continue to use it with no rivalry – should indeed they want to.

I decided today that I want to make my home as clean and clutter free (another of my 43 things) as possible before 31st October, Samhain/Halloween because it is symbolic of starting clean and fresh and reaffirming the intent I put out there back at Oestara. If I look at it spiritually maybe I will be more inspired to keep it up? Here’s hoping.

It’s also that time of year when I usually reflect on all the things I haven’t achieved. I must turn this around and bring more positive energies into my life and home. I’ll focus on all the things I have achieved, and all the positive plans for the future, and try to plan ahead better for all the personal time I want to take for being a better pagan.

I wrote a private ritual for the two of us to perform together in the woods, based upon some found online. Here is a photo of our bound hands. I have braided the tails into six-strand flat braids! What a great keepsake. It felt so special, we both felt that and were on cloud 9 all week!

I am meant to be planning a private handfasting ritual with my husband. It will be our 15th Wedding Anniversary soon and we want to do something symbolic to mark it.
He’s athiest, but still wants to do this for me – isn’t that lovely?

I work intuitively, and that includes everything I do: personal care, gardening, care of pets and children (in no particular order!!).
A few evenings ago I dead-headed the dandelions (they were calling to me). I need to strim the lawn soon, my bunny (bless him) keeps the lawn tidy much of the year but in spring there is always a growth spurt and it overwhelms him, he cannot keep up! Plus all these exciting herbs are springing back into life, emerging once more from the earth. How is a rabbit to resist?!

Anyway I was going over my lawn, inspecting it. It is about 6 metres by 3. I found lots of new plantlife growing in my lawn and I’m so excited! What most people think of as weeds made my week. Some I knew, and lots of other small plants I have not quite identified yet but best of all – wild strawberries! They are not even flowering yet, but now I know they are there, I’ll make sure I don’t mow them down with my cordless strimmer!

For the past few years we have had one or two toads. This year was their mating season and it turned out we had 4! Now, we don’t have a pond but time and again we have had toads make their way to the garden. They actually climb walls (our garden is walled on all sides, varying heights two of which are like 10ft!) A couple of weeks ago we returned from a beach trip to find two of the toads coupled up and spawning into our drain, so we rescued them and placed the toads and any strings of spawn that we could salvage into a large tank.

Next day one other female could contain herself no longer and started spawning alone into a shallow bowl of water we had set out for them. Poor darling, hers were wasted as she had no mate. It had become obvious that the fourth toad was also female, so when the first couple had finished and the male was croaking all day, I put him in the tank with the third female and within a few hours they were spawning too. By now we had a tank FULL of strings! When they were done I took them out. Now we have lots of tadpoles! My 10yo son is convinced he saw an albino one in there, time will tell – I haven’t seen it yet!

This has turned out quite rambly, but I just wanted to get it down as soon as I was inpired to write it!

I made moon cakes for Full Moon and shared them with the family. We drank wine, the kids had milk.
Everything felt right.
Usually I keep Esbats for solitary silent work, this was my first open worship if you will, other than what I do with the family at the Sabbats.

I’ve had such a busy day, I didn’t get the cleaning finished but I did lots of important things.

1. Settled on and shopped for most of my predetox meals for the week
2. Knitted two small rabbits for my kids
3. Cooked an Oestara meal of marbled eggs in a watercress salad nest – looked so cute!
4. Baked a cake with eggs on top and lit a cake candle
5. Purchased some sprouting seeds and pulses for the kids to grow in a sprouting jar (er – jam jar ;) )

I have been so incredibly busy today I didn’t have time to do anything solitary to mark the day but I will tomorrow morning.

My kids had a great day despite running out of time to do any egg painting today after school, they had homework and came grocery shopping with me too. Still, spread the joy and let it happen over the next few days eh?

My husband gave me loads of compliments for all the stuff I’d accomplished, I feel all squishy and pleased now!