be love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Fn-5u2jYZU&feature=related

yes.

(take the time to be love)

just smile.
love.

dont focus on yourself.
try to improve the lives of those around you and it will improve your own life.

sacrittes or however you spell his name.
said if you are not content with what you have, you will not be content with what you want to have.

which i think is genius!
so no matter what we do, we will not be happy, unless we change our goals.
change our perspective.
focus on others.
have your new goal be to spread joe.
spread love.
have a positive impact.

(not “make ppl think im cool…” or “make ppl like me”)
those things might go along with the healthier, better goals above anyway :)

take the time to be love.

<3

this is it. this is life.

i feel i have been in the lobby of the theatre, listening to pieces of the plays. the audience laughing, chorus breaking out. it’s been safe. it’s been easy.

but i am starting to realize that life will not begin when school is over. life will not begin when i get over my ex. life will not begin i finally heal. whatever that is. i have held these arbitrary excuses to hide who i am. to wait. but i am tired of the waiting room.

this is it. this is life. it will never get easier/better than right now. and i need to stop waiting for that fake.idealistic.PLASTIC future.

this IS life. today is ALL i have. tomorrow may never come to pass. and yesterday is done. this is the first day. this is the last day. and it is all that matters.

i only have time for love because right now, right here, today, love is all that matters. and i think at the end of life, people and love are all that matters.

i have a maroon room. and whenever i have a goal i cut out white paperletter words and post them.

one of the new additions is the word love.

i want to be pure, fierce, simmering, generous love. to myself, to my friends, to my family, to strangers. to everyone i encounter in my life. i feel like i have unconsciously ran away from love in the past. and i dont wanna run away anymore.

i want strong, fierce, mutual, slow-growth romantic love. i want eros (thanks issac!). i want to deeply emotionally, phsyically care for myself, to accept everything inside of me. to love the perfect imperfections again again. i want generous, soft, supportive, sleep-over with long friends while eating icecream sort of love.

i want to cherish, honor my folks and my brother. i want to spend time with them, support them through goodnbad, cook food with them.

i just want to brim with love. for humanity. for life, for my uncountable numerous blessings that i am lucky enough to know, to feel, to be.

We sat aroud in the brown-polyester suit home yesterday, celebrating the Western birth of Jesus. Although we are of the Eastern persuassion.

There was this warm, overflowing feeling of softness, of gratitude, of hope, and of belly laughter. I poured wine for everyone, and proposed a toast. No one proposes toasts within my family, we just drink whenever and whatever. Wine, beer, motor oil… Well, not motor oil.

I blabbered on about how much I loved every single person sitting around the table and how there is noone else I would have rather spent Christmas with. I almost started crying. As we cheered, toasted, and drank. My dad spit out “and you have only had one glass of wine. Just wait until shes done with this one she’ll be falling over everyone saying that ‘I lovve you.’ and slurring her words.” Everyone laughed to cover the emotional honesty.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt like LOVE itself.

It was my nicest Christmas ever.

im still really angry about the past. i dont know how to let go of it. so its hard to be love, when i am continually angry at other people.

how do you forgive?
how do you let go?
how do you move on?
how do you release righteouness?
how do you do those things?

bcecause it seems that i try, and fail everyday again and again. i guess that is progress perhaps. at least i am not quitting.

to others and myself