reconnect with my family

I spent a couple of hours both on Thanksgiving and on x-mas day with my aunt and my younger sister. Still haven’t spoken to my siblings but I did relay a message through my aunt. Things are still weird and awkward but I’m taking steps to create the type of relationship that I want with my family-the type that I’m comfortable with. No more trying to create a perfect looking family or even “normal” looking-whatever that means. Interesting enough as I take steps to reconnect with my family I’ve decided that I want to create traditions around my relationships with my friends who are like my family. I’m realizing that my family doesn’t only have to be the people that I was given but it can also include those whom I’ve chosen to be in my life; and that I’m capable of creating a loving additional family community.

Time with my sister has become easier over the past few weeks. I think I’ve let my guard down with her. She’s been away for 2 years and I think it was really about geeting used to her back in my life. I think she is also learning how Ive changed as a person.

I have no idea how it got to this point but somewhere i started dreading time with my family. Sometimes i feel as though nobody quite understands. When i am one on one with certain family members i have a great time but when we are all together it seems harder. I get left out and i become depressed. I want ot feel strong and hold my own around them. I don’t want to keep avoiding them. Also it could be i just don’t get enough attention when we’re all together. So maybe i’m just being a little selfish and i should just add “stop being selfish” to my list.

I now speak to my brother and sister. My grandmother passed a few days ago and it was my mother with whom I hadn’t spoken in over fifteen years who delivered the news. We have too much to talk about but for now, I have met my goal.

I finally spoke with my aunt, someone that was once very close to me and after ten years, I found her number. I was nervous to call, but she quickly put me at ease and gushing over me and my daughter. She is taking care of my aging grandmother, while they last heard of my mother living in CT. My sister is in Arkansas with her father, while my brother may be living here in Florida. It feels as if a shaded area of my lie has suddenly seen the light!