reconnect with my family

A few month’s ago I was feeling inspired and joined the website My Family, a website created to keep families connected online. Well that worked out for the best; I realized I only had collected like three e-mail addresses from family members (since I’m known as the reclusive black sheep) over the years, and when I used those addresses as invitations via the website to join me, I got nothing. Perhaps I should start this off the old fashioned way, and call or visit family first.

My next goal is marking my calendar for my niece’s high school graduation. It’s really sad to admit, but I have six nieces and nephews (all together) and have made absolutely no effort to correspond with them. I’ve missed most of my niece’s life, only remembering her best when she was… (had to think for a minute) ten?

I’ve been kind of self-absorbed going through high school, going out of state to college for a while, partying, working, and hanging out with my closest friends as they spent time with their families (wtf?)

Then last night as I was perusing the databases of my local library for international journals, I found a genealogical database specifically for African-Americans who need help in tracking family members around the Civil War period. I have been obsessed with tracking my mother’s family (she died when I was young, but left me with amazing photo albums and historical documents), and typed into the database the little information that I remember from her telling me: last names, a couple of given names, and the small town everyone migrated from. Sure enough, I was able to link a last name in that very same small town for which we have a creek named after us, and the individual was recorded at the age of eighteen during the 1870’s. I will need to do more research to see if this link has any substance, but it is very encouraging and gave me chills!

I spent a couple of hours both on Thanksgiving and on x-mas day with my aunt and my younger sister. Still haven’t spoken to my siblings but I did relay a message through my aunt. Things are still weird and awkward but I’m taking steps to create the type of relationship that I want with my family-the type that I’m comfortable with. No more trying to create a perfect looking family or even “normal” looking-whatever that means. Interesting enough as I take steps to reconnect with my family I’ve decided that I want to create traditions around my relationships with my friends who are like my family. I’m realizing that my family doesn’t only have to be the people that I was given but it can also include those whom I’ve chosen to be in my life; and that I’m capable of creating a loving additional family community.

Time with my sister has become easier over the past few weeks. I think I’ve let my guard down with her. She’s been away for 2 years and I think it was really about geeting used to her back in my life. I think she is also learning how Ive changed as a person.

I have no idea how it got to this point but somewhere i started dreading time with my family. Sometimes i feel as though nobody quite understands. When i am one on one with certain family members i have a great time but when we are all together it seems harder. I get left out and i become depressed. I want ot feel strong and hold my own around them. I don’t want to keep avoiding them. Also it could be i just don’t get enough attention when we’re all together. So maybe i’m just being a little selfish and i should just add “stop being selfish” to my list.

I now speak to my brother and sister. My grandmother passed a few days ago and it was my mother with whom I hadn’t spoken in over fifteen years who delivered the news. We have too much to talk about but for now, I have met my goal.

I finally spoke with my aunt, someone that was once very close to me and after ten years, I found her number. I was nervous to call, but she quickly put me at ease and gushing over me and my daughter. She is taking care of my aging grandmother, while they last heard of my mother living in CT. My sister is in Arkansas with her father, while my brother may be living here in Florida. It feels as if a shaded area of my lie has suddenly seen the light!