be a better daughter

Six weeks ago my mom broke her ankle and needed major surgery. She’s been unable to do almost everything, because she can only hop on one foot holding onto her walker. So, my brother and I have been taking turns going to her apartment to make her meals, do laundry, wash her hair, etc. I see her a lot now, and we talk and laugh all the time. She never lets anything get her down, even the scare that if infection set in, they might have to amputate her foot. Her circulation is poor due to vasculitis, so the healing was iffy. But she’s ok now, and will start physiotherapy in 4 weeks time. I feel that I’ve been able to help her and be with her, and that we’ve become closer. I don’t mind at all…she’s been such a great mom all my life, and nothing but supportive, loving, encouraging and selfless. I feel I can remove this goal now from my list.

We made a little lunch at our home. Just me, my little brothers, my mother, my grandmother, my aunt, her husband and my little cousin. Generally, the family lunches are with more people. It was nice have just the closest (and my favorite) relatives and give more attention to them, as I haven’t had time to them in the last months and had a lot to talk.
My mother loved my gifts (and it’s so rare to happen), but the blouse was with a wrong size and she has to change. The food was delicious, the ice cream I bought too and I could show them the pictures of my trip to Rio last week.
My mother is always happy when we are together and I fell she was much more calm then the usually. It is a good sign…

i gotta get her something really nice for mother’s day
im not quite sure what yet

im not a bad daughter but i do need to help my mom more

this might be one of the most honest things i will ever post on my 43things. who knows. i saw this goal on someone’s page and thought that it was nice and that maybe i should do it too. i’m not a bad daughter. sometimes i’m selfish, but i’m twenty three and that’s to be expected, yeah? but really i want to do this because i went away for a week and when i came home, my mom told me it was good to have me home. and i want it to always be good to have me home whether i’ve been gone for weeks or days or hours. i want to be an asset to my family – not a hindrance. and i know that i can’t be perfect, but i want to try.

and i really want to do this because my grandmother has Alzheimer’s and she’s dying. she’s dying and she doesn’t want my mom to come visit her and we don’t know why… maybe she’s living years ago when my mother divorced my father and was no longer invited to family affairs. maybe she’s just crazy. but i want to always be invited home. i don’t want my mom to get this disease and have ill memories of me. i want my mom to always want me to be a part of her life. always. i don’t want her to die without me near.

so that’s why i want to be a better daughter. and not just for my mom, but for all my family. i cherish them all and i should act like it.

“and you’ll be better. and you’ll be smarter. and more grown up. and a better son or daughter.”

We couldn’t celebrate her birthday as we’d like again. I had to work all day and had a class at night. I could didn’t go to the class, but she didn’t want to go out at night. I think she liked a lot my gits and will use them – and it is so rare to happen! I’m planning to spend a day on the beach house with her on a weekend and we are planning what we gonna do at my grandma’s house at Mother’s Day.

I got into a small argument today with my mom, but hey, I guess my relationship with my mom will improve just because I want it too. We both need to become more accepting of each other.

I’ve already taken a huge step to becoming a better daughter to my mom. A couple days ago, I went to the doctor for bad stomach pains. They immediately took me to the hospital because they thought it could be my appendix, however, I knew that it wasn’t, and that it was my stomach from abusing prescription drugs. It was hell. I was so scared, and I knew my mom shouldn’t be put through all of this worry, so, I took her outside and told her basically everything I’ve ever hidden from her. At first I felt like I was hurting her and I didn’t know why I told her so many awful things, but I soon realized that I did it because I want my mom to be my friend again. I want her to know the reasons for all the things I do, and I don’t want to lie to her because she wants the best for me, she really does. I feel like she may think less of me, but in the long run I’m glad something good came from such a bad experience.

My mother has been going through some really tough times lately, and she hasn’t been taking enough time to ask how I’m doing, but when I really get to thinking about who she is and what she’s been through in her life, I feel like maybe I don’t show her that I care about her enough either. If I really do this and put my everything into it, my life could change dramatically. I’m very scared my relationship with my mother is going to be ruined, and I’m still young. I know if my relationship with her is ruined, everything in my life will be so much harder, and I cannot lose her. I guess it’s time for me to finally make a change.

I’ve got my moments where I’m horrible to both of my parents, and I really need to stop that. They didn’t raise me that way.