Learn to forgive my ex

So here I am, a new year and trying to mend my broken heart. I want to scream and yell and seek revenge for how I was used, but the best thing is to forgive and move on. So my story goes as this. I met a guy who clicked so well with me. I thought, now this must be love. I was so happy. He did everything that would make me fall deep in love. He ended up manipulating me and I ended up having sex with him. It wouldn’t have been so bad if we had ended up being together forever, but this guy was the kind of guy that uses girls. He broke up with me through an e-mail and blocked and deleted me from Facebook a week ago. I came home on Monday December 29th to the shock of finding I’ve been publicly rejected on Facebook. I was devastated. I finally checked my e-mail and I got the news. He didn’t even call me in person to tell me. What is worst is that it didn’t make sense because he asked me to spend Christmas with him and then he spent boxing day with me. But on Monday he was having a bad day and when I called him, he became upset. Part of me wants to rip him apart, but another part knows it’s not mine to avenge. He has bi-polar 2 so I know his life is already cursed, and what goes around, comes around, so the best thing I can do is forgive him. Not for his sake, but for my own. I need to get rid of this anger.

Have another ex to learn to forgive. Its so hard, when someone treats you so rotten. Maybe people are just rotten in general and I shouldnt expect anything better?

So many ex’s to forgive. Where do I even begin. I can think of three at least that I need to forgive, not for them, but for me.

Entry from EMBRACE SERENDIPITY:

While back home in Birmingham, I started thinking about how I took E to New Orleans for New Years. It was his first trip to the Big Easy. I was thinking about the trip, him, my desire to forgive him, and potentially become friends again all evening one night and the next morning, I checked my email and he had written. Since then we’ve kept up a nice communication. I think I’ve reached the end of another, very important goal…LEARN TO FORGIVE MY EX.

I’m visiting home right now – right smack dab in the middle of KATRINA – and E wrote to me. He was worried about my family since Alabama got hit by the storm too. I was thinking about him last night, how we went to New Orleans together for New Years Eve. When he wrote, I was surprised, but I have mostly forgotten the anger, the resentment and the sadness. I have M now, and I feel more comfortable with M than I ever did with E. E seems like a friend. I’m happy to hear he is well. I might be there.

I thought I was learning to forgive, but I’ve mainly been forgetting. Forgetting what happened in the last two years, and trying to live right now, with M and with my dreams and goals. Unfortunately, I learned about E and something I had predicted long ago…something that plagued me daily in that relationship. If I’d been really working to forgive him, this new information wouldn’t have affected me as it has. More work ahead.

E and I did have fun. He is a good person. He just didn’t know how to treat me the way I wanted to be treated. Maybe I didn’t know how to treat him the way he wanted to be treated. I’m starting to feel the forgiving bug scratching.

I’m getting closer to my 100 days of Ex-free life and it seems to be getting easier…too easy. Tonight I went on an amazing date with M.K. We went to a Loudon Wainwright concert @ the Triple Door. I’d never been there before. Fantastic.

Nothing like a great 2nd date to make you go, I forgive and forget. Let’s see how long the feeling lasts.

Well, I did see him Friday night, but I didn’t see the new love of his life. So, I was way more comfortable and I was very civil towards him. I spoke with him briefly at the beginning of the evening not again after that. I can’t really say that he is truly forgiven because I know that when I see him with another woman, the anger will come back. But, for now, I have a while before this meeting.

The day has come. I meet the ex and his new girlfriend this evening at what would otherwise be the greatest party of the season. I’ve got the perfect dress, the perfect date and the perfect bike (long story) and yet, I’m still feeling like I might puke all over them. Luckily, I know S is going through the same thing and we will have each other, not to mention the gobs of people I will know there and the fun to be had. Wish me luck.