have a serious discussion about our future

This is getting increasingly more important, and still I am stalling. Knowing me it won’t happen til the very last minute – I’ve always needed the pressure of deadlines to get important things done.
Not brilliant in this case.

He started talking. I, of course, got scared, but instead of doing what I normally do (try and dodge every question and change the subject), I thought ‘We need this…I need this’, so I opened up.
I answered his question, I asked question, I really listened and didn’t get defensive or worried. We didn’t get that far (we still both dodge the really important questions), but we did start. And that, for us, is a pretty big step.

It’s not that I want to do this…I really, really don’t. But I have to. I have a feeling I might not play a big part in his imagined future life, and I think I deserve to know if that is really the case. Still, while my brain knows that it is far better to know the truth than randomly speculate, my heart is absolutely terrified and would rather stay uncertain than risk being unhappy. I rather not know, for as long as I don’t know for sure, I can ignore it and focus on Us. We’re great together. He’s great. The last thing I want is to lose him.
But again, I deserve to know. I just need the courage to ask.