stop complaining

im stuck in a rut too and it’s so hard not to be negative because technically nothing is the way i want it to be right now-my dad is gone my mom has cancer my fiance is across the ocean unable to come because of money of course-he doesn’t even have a job but is trying so hard in a really small place with few jobs and i have to wait for him to get a job and then on top of that save up enough to get over here- i have to be patient and positive when its so hard to do—we want our lives to be the way we want them to be and it feels unfair that they are not. all that helps me is just thinking about anything positive that i can-i have a wonderful fiance that loves me and treats me right-my dad im sure is still around i think i can feel him sometimes-my moms surgery went well and hopefully the chemo and radiation will take the rest of the cancer down to nothing-my fiance will be here soon and we will start a life. its hard as hell-but theres usually a way to flip everything around and bring a positive light to it. the hardest thing for me is patience-faith. i guess that’s the lesson im learning right now.

on this today. I started wearing a complaining bracelet and it really helps! I guess a productive day and the lucky break on the job front helped too. ;)

It’s time for a change. I have been drowning in negativity recently. It’s killing me, and my husband. I’m stuck in a life rut right now, and there’s nothing I can do until a few things come together (that are fairly out of my hands) and time takes its course.

Until then I need to pull myself together and stop complaining. I’ve become soooo complainy and it’s horrible. I’m a pain to live with and just drowning myself.

I don’t know how to be an eternal optimist. I’m not sure I’ll ever get there – from where I am right now it seems fairly impossible. But the first step is to cut my complaints short.

I must try to catch myself every time I am wont to complain, and remind myself how my life doesn’t suck that badly. There are plenty of others out there in worse situations than the ones I’ve been handed. I guess my complaints stem from some sense of entitlement – that is, I feel like life has been unfair to me over the past few years when I’ve worked so so hard to make things happen. It doesn’t seem to be offering me a break at all and so I’ve descended into negativity.

I think complaining is a form of protection. We do it so we don’t have to face being stronger, picking ourselves up when we fall down, or growing to be a better person. In my case I’m exhausted from continually trying to move forwards against obstacles, but that’s no excuse to condemn my life instead of living it in the best way possible.

I have a long way to go but I have to make a conscious start on this goal. Now.

“Complaining is like a rocking chair. It’s good to pass the time but it doesn’t get you anywhere.”

(thanks to lucky7 for this quote)

I must admit I’m a complainer, I know the negativity can break a person down so I’m going to try to relax and go with the flow. AND more importantly resist the urge to gossip!!!

I realise that I complain, but I am making a diary of several factors regarding my way of complaining.

I’ll look at the bright side of things. I’ll make sure that I am forever distracted. I shall not give myself time to be complaining. I will always remember that there is someone worse off than me, and I shouldn’t be so up-my-own a$$ not to realise it. I am going to give this up because there is no point. I have too much to be thankful for consciously.

There will be times that yes, I shall slip, but I will watch this more. I know in my heart that it is bad to complain. It’s wrong to complain about people. It’s silly to complain about anything

Action is the key to anything that bothers you, and I will be a person of action. I will not be a moanining minny.

Unfortunately, it seems that everyone moans these days. I read a really interesting article which said that to quit complaining, wear a bracelet or elastic band, and every time you moan, switch which arm it is on. The aim is to switch the band as few times as possible, and, eventually, go without switching it at all!

Tomorrow I have to make amends for something mean that I did today.

My partner arranged to view a house without telling me, but there was a great misunderstanding. He’d heard about it while i was out walking to his sisters.

of course, rationally, I knew it was not his or her fault, but this subject upsets me more than I understand. I hate the prospect of moving, and I hate the way I am coaxed into a situation that makes me feel uncomfortable.

My partner is manipulative sometimes, and he does not think about how I feel about things. Instead, he makes sure that I know he is thinking something – and I usually go along with anything he wants, as that is what a good wife does, but it upsets me when he knows my feelings about something, and I am just treated as if I were furniture.

I tried to be cordial today, but the way he and his sister went on made me feel left out and ignored – and most of all, worried and depressed. I went to bed with three Xanax and did not wake up until he’d started and finished work. What am I supposed to say about that? I do not like being bullied.

He knows I can’t stand this subject, and I think his sister does too.

Just because I didn’t like this subject, he says to me that I don’t love his sister, and that is an out and out lie, and I despise him for saying it. He should not have said it, and I will not forgive this insult. This is an insult I cannot tolerate because she is a part of my life that is integral, and of course I complain about her, but saying I do not love her is the greatest insult I’ve had to endure since March, because I have welcomed her into my life, and she is more than a sister.

If he cannot see that, he’s a cruel fool to say such things. I don’t know how to react to this entirely, but he’s offended me immensely.

A sister is allowed to get on your nerve. She is my sister. I love her and she is adorable, but I was allowed to have the hump. He could have told me I was perhaps going to hear that he was viewing a place.

He once had people in our house in England when I was still living there, and didn’t even tell me until the man was there. I hadn’t cleaned up or anything. He does things like this all the time.

I blew up at my poor partner. He’s a nice chap, but he is so… uncompromising in so many ways. I won’t go into it, but today I had a drink (the beginning of the end) and even though I was sober as a judge (it had faded, and I was hungover with a headache), I totally let RIP.

He got it all. It was so much bottled up s, I swear, he didn’t know whether to answer back or to believe what I’d said. I was in such an awful temper.

It’s easy to say, “don’t complain never explain” but it takes Herculean effort not to speak my mind when someone is hell bent on being a dhead. I wanted to punch a wall, and he happened to be the closest by.

I need to be exercising and eating better, and NOT drinking at all. It doesn’t agree with me.

Just to calm down I had to have 2 Xanax, 2 Valium, an Amitrip and something to stop my heart beating ten-to the dozen. I calmed down after that and I could be kinder, but i was in a very bad mood with him… I’m an awful partner!

This morale meter-thing is nifty but looking at my week, it looks like I’m a little on the low side.

I think I’d feel better, if only for immediate gratification, if I could tell a couple people in my life to fuck off. Unfortunately, common sense and years of mental beatings (a.k.a. brainwashing) by authority figures tells me I should not do this.

So, since I am unable to satiate my frustration by the preferred method, I’ll just complain to others. What else can I do?