write down my thoughts

Ah, I got a Plurk account [I tried Twitter, then moved to Jaiku, but so far I like Plurk the most] – that will definitely help me keep track of my thoughts. I also have a blog and a diary. Go me.

there is too much clutter going on in my mind that i feel that i need to put it down somewhere. there seems to be a constant struggle with my desire against will and desire always seems to win. desire can be anything from watching tv to eating too many sweets.
and in between these moments , i ponder on what the purpose of life is. is bringing up kids a justification for life. i guess no. there should be some meaning to it.
i am in search of the quest for what is the purpose for which i am on earth. hopefully i will find my answer soon enough.

I’m scared. I’m worried that the prospective isn’t the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Pros:
-We make each other laugh
-We can be goofy
-He tries to be open minded
-We like trying new foods together
-We like sports

Cons:
-He doesn’t understand my feelings
-He is from a different background that makes things difficult for him to understand.
-Cultural differences that he refuses to acknowledge
-He doesn’t want to travel like I do.
-He doesn’t like the arts.
-I feel like he holds me back in my ambitions.

Reasons I think he loves me:
-I can put him in his place
-I understand him
-He likes that I’m well educated and polite.
-We can have good conversation (when he’s not lazy)
-I’m the first girl he’s fallen in love with.

I often find myself wanting to do so many things. I always believe I can do anything. But that’s not the problem. The problem is that I get myself into too many projects at the same time. I read more than one book at a time, I study two or more subjects at the same time and I don’t know where to start when it comes to starting my own home based business. You would think that during all this confusion…I would somehow figure it out.

Sometimes it just frustrates me to not be fixated on my true purpose. I know I can do so many things…and yet I struggle to accomplish even one of these tasks on a daily basis. I hope I find my pathway to success soon. I realize it’s okay to lose one’s mind…but never lose one’s way. LOL

I find that writing can help you give… well, give yourself credibility, if that makes sense. You put the words down, let the thoughts go for a while, return to them in a different mood and see if they still hold. You can choose change or re-evaluation…

This process has been crucial to my emotional and mental health.

fuck i’m falling.

We’re not dating, we’re just getting to know each other…

Hold off the sex.

But I like you.

Does he want me or not???

Under what circumstance would a guy you’re seeing go and sleep with another girl under the same roof as you?
Moreover, he comes back after he fucks her the first time, then 3 hours later, he goes back to her.
He couldn’t wait three more days until I had left???
Is it too much to ask for fidelity just while I’m there??
I spent christmas with his family and his family friends.
I’m not a random one night stand, we know each other.
He saw me crying and almost had a smirk on his face, then asked me why I was crying.
He takes the bitch out for breakfast the next day and asks me if I want anything????
I leave him and he tells me to have a good time and tells me to say hi to my friend?
What do I do now?? How am I supposed to act? Am I meant to be angry at him? Do I pretend everything is ok???
I dont get it… I just don’t understand…
Why would he be so caring and nice to me one minute and then do this to me?

I already do this, but I would like to on a more consistent basis.

Is it true that Marines are untrustworthy?

Would it really be that bad if I went to see him out of state (it’s only an hour and half away by train)

Would it really be that dangerous??