know God

I’ve struggled with my spirituality since I can remember. I’d like to truly know God, or get to the point where I realize that I actually already do know God, or realize that there is no knowing, and that’s the whole point. One of those, or a combination.

From age eight to age 12 I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday, gave during collection, paid attention in bible class, loved singing praises, and prayed whole heartedly, daily. Every since I moved away from my home town…I just have more and more trouble finding Him. I’ve always believed He was there, but now I feel like even if He is here with me, I don’t even know Him anymore. I wish I did, but sometimes it’s hard for me to get to know someone. I will read the bible more often, even if it’s just once a week and pray more often, even if it’s just once a week. I don’t know when I’ll go to church again. Gotta take it slow, I guess.

I am not sure I can pinpoint the line between not knowing God and knowing God, so how can I say when I’ve accomplished this? Right now, I know a lot ABOUT God, but that’s not the same as KNOWING Him. I see this as a very long process that never ends, so because it’s not measurable or maybe even achievable, I’m removing it from my list, but doing so knowing that I’m still going to try to get to know God better with each passing day.

I feel like over the year of 2006 i have grown to know God in a better ,different way

Knowing God is a process; a journey. Any journey begins with a single step, followed by another and another. I’ve been walking for a very long time, but I’m not finished yet. I am still in the process of knowing God. I’ve posted some of my reflections at http://www.angelfire.com/nt/theology/flame03.html

it is a lifelong journey…

That I finally came to an understanding in the way God works. It was like a revelation of calm in a moment of sh*tstorm panic. All of that hellfire whipping around me, burning my skin, and then I remembered Moses’ trek through the desert with his people. When they were hungry, God always provided. When they were thirsty, God always provided, but when they were greedy, when they started to doubt God, it angered him, and his grace disappeared.

To me, this is metaphorically like saying the same thing so many self-help gurus and practitioners have been saying for decades. What you focus on expands. When you are fully aware and focused on abundance, living your life as God has meant for you and actively fulfilling your purpose, it all flows together. When you struggle against yourself, your purpose, and God’s will, it all falls apart.

I’m ready to hold the pieces together. I’m ready to live the life I’m meant to.

Not just to know about God…but to know God…fully..every moment spent in that knowing…I’m not talking any specific religion here either…I belive God is above religion…that is man trying to confine God…God will always defy a label…I know God walks with me..now I want to always be aware…and live from that awareness…I believe life would gain an entirely new meaning..

that i know myself if i dont know him?

Years ago I was a devout Christian, obedient and meek. A true follower of Christ. Yet, I’ve walked away because of questions, experiences, people and just the overall fear of not truly knowing what is of Him or what is of myself.