understand myself

Well, I’m not sure if I have figured out my core values or not, but after perusing various websites this is what I did. I got a list of 374 values. I printed it off and put a check by those that were important to me. Then I grouped the values together. Some of them were synonyms others were closely related. The one that I most closely identified with was STABILITY. I identified 27 other values that I grouped under this term, including usefulness, simplicity, economy, financial independence, and control among others. Other people may not group the other words together like I did but it made sense to me. Closely followed by TRADITIONALISM.I identified 23 other values under this term, including realiability, love, dependability, and belonging among others.Coming in third was TRUST. I identified 20 other terms under this heading, including sensitivity, discretion, empathy, and compassion amongst others. The fourth highest thing was TRANQUILITY I identified 19 additional terms with this including, clear-mindedness, faith, happiness, and serenity amongst others. When I can figure out a value statement I’ll post that.

I’m now working on trying to figure out my core values. I did not realize this is harder than figuring out my passions. I’ve been working on it since yesterday and I don’t think I’m going to finish anytime soon. I’ve read a lot on the internet about what core values are and some examples for what they are and so far I’ve figured out that a lot of people are as uncertain as I am. But the best definition of what I think “core values” are is this definition I found in a business dictionary ” Core values are operating philosophies or principles that guide an organizations internal conduct as well as it’s realationship with the external world.” I also found this definition I liked ”...core values represent a person’s highest priorities and deeply held driving forces.” I’m now trying to figure out what’s the most important things to me.

I didn’t realize how hard this would be. It’s not easy finding out what your passions are. There are all sorts of articles to offer advice on finding out what your passions are, but few free tests to help you figure it out. I finally found one test that scored me as a “Supporter”, closely followed by “Informer”. I’m still not sure what that means, but by reading some of the things other people wrote I think I have figured out a few “passions”. I am passionate about learning. I am passionate about taking care of my responsibilities (my home, my family, my debts, etc). I am passionate about animals. I am passionate about supporting others. This is all I could figure out do far.

I have taken multiple personal strength test online and discovered quite a few things.
2 is my kindness and generosity, 3 is my modest and humility, 4th is my honesty, authenticity, and genuiness, and 5th is my humor and playfulness. Other sites listed my faith in others,interpersonal skills, work ethic, openmindedness, intelligence, honesty, and insight. Others marked my strength as an achiever, arranger, includer, and inputer. The last one stated optimism, hope, learning, curiosity, adaptability, analytical abilities, communication skills, seeing things in context, empathy, harmony, and responsibility.

Most of them say the same things just in different ways. According to VIA my top strength is my curiosity and interest in things,

That’s a lot of stuff. I think it boils down to being well rounded and easy to get along with.

I just took the Myers Briggs test. I’m an ISTJ, Intoverted, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. I take exception to that last one, because I pride myself on being non-judgmental. However, I do agree with them on some other aspects: superdependable, keep feelings to self, perfectionism, attention to detail, need private time, traditions, step by step approach, and sequencing logical intelligence. All those things describe me pretty well. Maybe I canuse this to help me with my other goals.

This involves a lot of things, including;

1) Admit when I’m lyin to myself
2) Believing in myself
3) I dentifying my strengths
4) Reminding myself that I matter
5) Figuring out what I’m passionate about
6) Figuring out what are my core values
7) Loving myself and not beating myself up when I fall short
8) Figure out why I do what I do
9) Be proud of myself
10) Write down my thoughts in my journal
11) Understand and identify my fears
12) Accept myself
13) Figure out what motivates me
14) Decide what I really need
15) Figure out my priorities
16) Understand how others perceive me
17) Figure out my purpose in life
18) Figure out why I’m so tired all the time (is it depression/ lupus/ or what)
19) Understand my feeling
20) figure out if I have a talent
21) get rid of stuff that is negative
22) figure out why I get depressed
23) what are my life goals (what do I want to do with my life)

This is a huge list of stuff, but it all adds up to who I am. If I tackle each one then maybe I can finally get some peace.

That’s quite challenging task right now.

Don’t know who I am anymore.

i want to figure myself out. i want it more than anything i ever wanted in my life.

i dont know what i am.

and it fucking kills me.

Over the past couple of years I’ve had so pretty rough situations that I had no choice but to deal with…
and now I feel as if people are now telling me that I don’t understand myself. That I need to figure out what I want. But how can I do that if I don’t know.
I’m a very easy-going fun person. In a relationship isn’t that enough… why do I need to have it all figured out.
I just don’t get it!!!