be independent

Its my life. and who else is going to live it for me>? no one

I went to pick up lunch today by myself.

I have been doing some things alone lately which I think makes me feel stronger. Even when my boyfriend gets back from his trip I want to continue doing some things by myself everyday, to keep me feeling strong and independent. Now I realize the benefits of spending time by yourself. One of those benefits is you don’t have to worry about bickering or having the person that is accompanying you bring your mood down if they are in a bad mood. I have not craved or felt I really needed his attention today, which I think is also a major step to being emotionally independent. Another thing I need to work on is being self-sufficient, which means solving my problems on my own whenever I can.

I have gone from living at home to living in my own apartment, paying the bills, and I even have a boyfriend. Not bad for a day before turning 26! Now I just need a job. I really need a job, however I was smart enough to wait to get an apartment until I had enough in savings.

Danielle saved my life on this one! I am forever indebted to her! I still can barely afford this, but I have a 7 month lease and I am moving out of Mom and Dad’s! FINALLY! 30 months is enough! This is one giant leap for me and I am SO excited! I can’t wait to get my change of address forms and move in!

I work full-time, I live on my own (just me! In a flat! And I’m managing really well!), I manage my money, I make all my decisions. So for the first time, I can honestly say I am completely independent.

Now I just need to get out of my emotional dependence (needing others’ approval, feeling I NEED him when he so obviously does not need me, being unable to think up a future of what I really want that is not completely focused on a man and babies) and I’d truly be able to put this as done.

I want to be less dependent on my best friend/ex-boyfriend. I want to have more self-worth without depending on his opinion. I want to spend more time away from him and doing things on my own. I want to not feel like I need to be with him so often. I don’t get a lot of my goals achieved because I spend so much time just having fun with him and not doing anything productive. I need to reduce time spent with him and leave his house when I know I should and just ignore my feelings of reluctance.

The amount represents all of the money that I should have had to pay in rent. My parents were generous enough to not charge me rent when I lived at home after college. I feel that when I can finally repay all this money I am truly grown up.

Okay, I know that this is nothing but I was thinking that I could , instead of waiting for Kevin to make my fish, maybe I should for a change , make it my own . I think I need to start cooking for myself again, and stop acting like a dasmel in distress on the time.

This is by far the most important goal on my entire list! Accomplishing this goal will be soul satisfying on so many levels! I want to be on my own and responsible for me! I WILL SUCCEED!