focus on how green MY grass is

38. I am more and more at peace with my past.
39. There are things in this world that it is within my means to change.
40. I am discovering my own power and potential.
41. My eyes are wide open.
42. I can touch, I can smell, I can taste, I can feel.
43. I am who I am.

31. I have my health (!).
32. I love my pale skin and can’t imagine destroying it in the sun.
33. I am reassured that I’m on the right track career-wise. I’m studying the law, which is something I love and something I want to make a career out of.
34. It is within my means to travel.
35. I want for nothing in a material sense (although I still need to do more work on the spiritual side).
36. I have free and easy access to all the resources I need to help me learn and achieve.
37. I am challenged everyday.

24. I am often excited and easily excitable.
25. I dream big.
26. I have the means to keep myself happy and healthy.
27. I am going to be a kick-ass, thirsty-for-knowledge Honours student.
28. I feel.
29. I am on good terms with those who I have wronged and who have wronged me.
30. I am growing up.

1. I am articulate and intelligent.
2. I have a warm and loving heart and a very kind nature.
3. I am loyal and I would love to have myself as a friend.
4. I am a successful artist who loves to bring out
   enthusiasm, happiness and joy in people.
5. I am talented and I inspire others to use their talents
   for good.
6. I have a sense of humor and the wonderful gift to make
   others laugh, even in difficult moments.
7. I am thought of as stimulating and fun.
8. I am willing to help others and I give them a chance and
   the encouragement to help themselves.
9. I am curious and adventurous and I love learning new
   things.
10. I like to give others credit for a job well done.
11. My face lights up when I smile and it spreads out and
    warms my surroundings.
12. I am couragous and I am supportive and helpful to others.
13. I am loving, lovable and loved.
14. I am free and filled with light.
15. I have the courage to be myself.
16. I am a lovely person capable of anything, including
    choosing how I will spend my time.
17. I am a compassionate person surrounded by beauty and love.
18. I am strong enough to say “NO” instead of saying “yes”
    just to please and keep others happy.
19. I am ambitious, resilient & passionate.
20. I love animals and they seem to love me as well.
21. I am affecting my environment with my strength and quiet
    charm.
22. Without intentionally trying, I can gain someone’s trust
    and affection.
23. I make many people feel special, noting and praising each
    person’s unique talents.
24. I am creative and captivating, diplomatic and intuitive.
25. I seek chances for growth and for renewal in all I do,
    branching out whenever possible.
26. My open, expansive mind makes me a compassionate and
    generous friend, colleague and ally.
27. I understand the inherent value of what I and those around
    me possess, and my confidence allows me to act upon my
    beliefs.
28. My strength often forms the backbone of social groups or
    partnerships I’m a part of.
29. I’m adept at business ventures.
30. I have everything I need already in order to be happy. It
    is ok for me to enjoy it.

15. I can express myself in a variety of different ways.
16. I am surrounded by people who encourage me to extend myself.
17. The air I breathe is clean and pure.
18. I can cry when I need to.
19. I think. Often and hard.
20. I am (sometimes ruthlessly) independent.
21. I have so many opportunities available to me that I sometimes have to sit back and take a breath to avoid exploding with thoughts of what I could be doing.
22. I am in love again, this time with someone who doesn’t have to try and understand – he just does.
23. I lucid dream.

1. I am (on the whole) healthy.
2. I live in a democratic country where I can vote without fear.
3. I never go hungry (excepting perhaps self-inflicted hunger of the “I’m too lazy to forage for food right now” variety).
4. I am loved.
5. I am intelligent.
6. I am on an education path that I find challenging and rewarding.
7. My future career prospects are excellent.
8. I am in love.
9. I am young, motivated and generally excited about life.
10. I have people to remind me of the above.
11. My parents are phenomenal.
12. I have something every day to look forward to.
13. I am talented.
14. I laugh often.

(more to come).

I was visiting with Marty’s uncle, who was taking a break from the hospital to get protection at the Sundance. He was sitting in the passenger seat of a van with the seat back all the way down, looking up at me and talking. He had just joked that I was becoming more of an indian than him, more than Marty. I took that as a big compliment and was feeling pretty good about myself.

Then the wind decided to blow my skirt up. Way up. And my uncle-in-law saw things that only my husband should.

Not only that…the entire camp (hundreds of people) were sitting in a big circle not far away…whoever happened to be looking my way saw my legs…allll of my legs (BIG no no)....perhaps more than my legs (HUGE no no)

And not only that…the wind just kept going and going…I was desperately trying to keep my skirt down (and still conversing calmly…in between sentences I’d say “hmm…this is not good…how do i make this stop, i wonder?”) when Marty walked up about 30 seconds later. I just looked up with him, about to cry, and said “I need help”.

He just laughed and said “well that’ll learn ya to wear your shawl when you walk around camp”

Yesterday my father in law asked us if we’d gotten a cell phone yet. We were supposed to because nobody can get a hold of us…and we don’t want to because nobody can get a hold of us.

I sat there quietly, waiting for another person to get mad at us and Marty was trying to figure out a nice way to tell him…

After a pause he said “You’ll call with a hedgehog?”

Everybody started laughing.

See…we spent lots of money that we don’t have on a hedgehog two days ago. It was an impulse buy and so far it’s caused quite a few problems.

I was worried about it until people started getting mad. Then I just found it really funny.

It’s because this little “mistake” is going to force us to finally get our own place…I love when mistakes make you do something good for yourself.

He’s really cute and he makes me bleed. He likes me.

Every time I look at this goal, I look around me and see why my life is so freakin awesome.

And it helps me through the rest of the day.

When a bad thought comes and I don’t feel the need to look into it or get emotional, i just change my mind.

This goal is to make life easier for myself. There is no reason why i shouldn’t enjoy the time i have, no matter how shitty things get. Also, it is to help eliminate jealousy and gluttony.

Tonight I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep on. There are pitas and baba ghanoush in the fridge, and all the water i want…even a bag of ice…i love ice. I have all day tomorrow and all day the day after tomorrow to spend doing whatever with Marty, because he’s working nights and is allowed to sleep there. It’s strange how I have to squint right now to look at the moon. How can that much light be reflected off of dust? I miss my dad and brother very much…and I know they miss me too…they have two of the best hearts i’ll ever know, and they love me as much as i love them. And right now Jack is telling Rose to never let go.

from the man i love (who loves me too) and now we’re spending a lazy morning reading and talking out on the balcony, where it’s sunny and breezy, before we head out to Sundance to witness and be part of a ceremony that is thousands of years old and very few people get the chance to experience.