take a deep breath before reacting

Hi, just moving on from this goal because I have so many goals right now.

This is not an easy one to do! Even if I pause just 1 second before reacting it is better than nothing.

To help me with this goal I should do my best to not ingest certain foods which seem to make me more ‘sensitive’. Chocolate is the worst offender, second, is alcohol, last but not least, caffeine! If I avoid these drinks/foods, I will be less likely to react.

I mean, there was just not really a way around it from where I stood at the time. I was not able to breathe through every response, but I was noticing and pleased with the number of times I just responded with silence and took a breath before reacting. So, nowhere near perfection, but some baby steps…! :-)

I had a discussion with a friend about this today. I tend quickly react to things and expect the worst right away. A friend of mine talked to me today about using logic to help in these situations.
I think she is on to something. More later after I put some of this into practice.

Today as I started to react, I forgot to take a deep breath. What I did do though is get up and move quickly into the other room. Where I stayed for almost an hour. That seemed to diffuse the situation.

Didn’t do this. My son is in a phase where everything is a negotiation, a debate, an argument, an opportunity for procrastination.

I have been rather smug about the fact that I have never had a grey hair, when most of my friends have been plucking them or coloring them since their mid-20s..

I just found four of them.

Trying to get us both ready and out the door is one of the most stressful points in the day for me. Me up, him up, me showered and dressed, him dressed, me fed, him fed, my teeth, his teeth, my hair, his hair, my shoes, his shoes, and sometimes, my lunch, his lunch, packed and ready to go. Completing all of this within a specified window of time can be a lot to ask of two people who aren’t at their best in the morning. (You parents with more than one deserve a gold medal, I’ll tell you that.)

Today, I lost it. Really lost it. I had to be somewhere at 10:30 am, and here it was 10:30 am and we weren’t even out the door yet. And he’s arguing about why he has to wear socks. (This after debating about why brushing his teeth wasn’t really necessary, insisting that there was no rat’s nest in the back of his hair, and sneaking to turn on the TV every time I left the room instead of getting ready.) And I did. I lost it. I YELLED at him. I BARKED at him. I SLAMMED the car door. In short, I had my own little hissy fit temper tantrum to rival that of a 3 year old.

So now you know. Nicolasc has feet of clay. As if that’s a big surprise. Fortunately it is a rare occurance for me to have this type of blowup, but obviously…it happened.

So I dropped him off at his dad’s because I clearly wasn’t having the best parenting moment, and arrived at my destination in tears. Do you know that that is one of the worst feelings in the world?

After some time I was able to calm down and call him up. We talked, We met and had burritos together. We felt better. But I need to regroup and get our routine back in order and decide ahead of time how best to avoid this type of thing in the future.

going to be practicing this a lot tonight. It’s the first sleepover party my son has ever had for his birthday. So I am playing Lovely Hostess to six elementary-aged boys. My mantra all day was, “Take a deep breath before reacting, take a deep breath before reacting…”

In between serving pizza and reminding boys to remove their muddy shoes before they come in, I’ve been locked away in my room with one ear open for crying, squeals of pain, or breaking glass. But guess what? They have all been getting along great, controlling themselves, and having fun all at once! Hooray! But I’m glad I had this goal in place, just in case…

Exchange with my son this morning:

Son: Snap!
Me: Snap Snap!
Son: Snap Snap Snap Snap Snap!
Me: Snap SNAP!
Son: (As I am walking away) SNAP SNAP SNAP!

So…I finally stopped to take a breath before reacting to the last snappy comment. Better late than never, huh? Instead, I let silence do its work. And not the kind of silence that stinks of passive aggressive anger, just breathing, calming silence. Pretty soon he came in to apologize, me too, hugs and reassurances. Seems that something as simple as taking a breath can work magic.

...to the wise and wonderful bedhead2 for this one. Definitely working on this, and also not over-worrying a situation before you know the end result.

freak out last night. I didn’t take a deep breath. I got needy (wanted words of reassurance) my boyfriend got annoyed and it wasn’t cool. We made up but…I need a diversion for those moments. Like, go for a walk. Get out of the house before I do something stupid and noisy like knock down the plant stand (no plant on it, thank god).
Any ideas folks?

Hello, I am going to try to not take it personally when my boyfriend gets pissy. He gets irritated lately over lots of little things. I almost feel it’s directed at me. I don’t want to assume it’s me if it’s not. Also I want to just let him be pissy and not take it so personally. I think if I just give him space it will probably just go away. Ahhhh….living and working together….a beautiful thing when everyone is happy but when they are not, it
can be a challenge. :) I want to learn better how to detach (with love!). I think that will help.
Thanks folks, for reading:)