forgive myself

You’re not the one to make all bad things happened!

After years of being ashamed of my mistakes and those I’ve let in to hurt me,I have to realize that it’s not my fault. I have to understand that I’m better than any bad perception or behavior that any one has put me through. I have to start learning that I matter,tha I am wonderful,that I’m going to be an even greater person in the future,that I will and am going to prosper and not be afraid of myself and this world.I am going and willing to love myself unconditionally with Gods help and guidance.I see,and feel him in and around me. I am going to be the best and am going to finally bury the hachett and start loving myself and forgiving myself for past wounds. I’m a good person,who doesn’t and will not go bad.

I realize that I can( should?) enjoy my life by myself. I don’t need to concern what the other people think too much. I have to find out what I like. It’s a start ahead.

I have made some huge, (in my eyes), mistakes with what was said and done to people whom I care about. I have talked and wrote to a few of those people … coming clean about things. I was forgiven, however, we don’t speak anymore. I still carry on with my life knowing that. But some days are harder than others … when I just think of all the good times we’ve shared and everything. And there are a few more people who I would like to come clean with.
I would love to let them know, so it doesn’t seem like a secret to me. That I’m keeping it all bottled up inside without having people know.
Hopefully when all this is said and done I can work hard on forgiving myself for my actions and move on. I might need professional help or something. But it’d be worth it, right?

“I forgive everything,
everyone,
every experience,
every memory of the past or present
that needs forgiveness.

I forgive positively everyone.

I also forgive myself of past mistakes.

Realizing this, I abide in peace.”

I did something stupid last night. I drank an entire bottle of wine. which caused me to piss the bed and feel like a total idiot this AM.

I did this after letting things get to me. Things that normal people have no problems with. I beat myself up daily for past mistakes. I know it irrational and I know i need to change but it is not easy.

Today I need to forgive myself for just yesterday – the other stuff will come in time. Just one step at a time.

What do I want to forgive myself for doing and what will be the outcome of forgiving myself?

I think I have accomplished this. I haven’t felt that deep regret sneaking up on me lately, and I make a conscious effort daily to act in a way that is true to myself. I am not going to remove it from my goals for a little while longer just to be sure that the guilt doesn’t return, because I realize that this is not the kind of goal that you just wake up one day and say, “I forgive myself!”. It seems that it is more of a process. Something gradual. It seems it is something that you realize is missing more than something gained, like when that heaviness has lifted from your heart.

Love myself

because I’ve really come so so far…I’ve worked hard all the way through my treatment, finished treatment in the first group and I am now joining the next group to do the final work to make sure my ED and depression will become a definite thing of the past. I feel better than I’ve ever felt before, I’m allowing myself to be me with all that it entails, I’m taking chances I never thought I’d find the courage to take and I’m finally following my dreams wholeheartedly and not letting other people’s opinions sway me in what I believe to be true!

Life is good and so am I.

:)