Be a better person each day

Recently I starting looking up different volunteer oppertunities. First, I volunteered for the American Diabetes Association- which made me feel okay, but I was intrigued by what kind people lead non-profit organizations. After signing up with VolunteerMatch.com, I found a program for teenagers who want to volunteer for hospice. The program includes spending a few hours a week visiting with people who are terminally ill, their prognosis being 6 months or less. During these visits the hospice volunteer and the patient play cards, talk about things in life, go out to dinner or even just watch TV. Those few hours are meant to help ease the pain of the current situation in life and help their last days feel more comfortable. Becoming a better person, to me, means helping others so others can help you.

Last week I went thrift store shopping for new books to sell. While at a new thrift store I asked one of the sales persons if they had any photography eqipment for sale.

So happens that they did. The guy said that 15 minutes before I came to the counter that someone dropped off two bags of video/photography equipment. It wasn’t priced yet but he said he would let me look at the stuff and pick what I want.

So I’m thinking to myself “Score!” and doing a internal happy dance.

So I take the bags over to the side and inside the bags are some vintage video camera, a few film cameras and lens. I try to see if the lens fit my Pentax but they didn’t.

When I looked further into the bag I found a handful of coins in the bottom of it. Half dollar pieces with two dating back to 1774. I figure I can’t use the equipment so I would buy the half dollar pieces. I also figured I might be able to sell the camera equipment or lens online or at a photo store.

i told the guy I found the coins in the bag and wanted to buy them. He looked at the date and told me he would sell me one of the 1774 coins for $20. I asked how much he would charge me for the bags of camera/video equipment and he said $50.

So had I kept my mouth shut about the coins I could of got the whole lot for $50, coins included.

Part of me wanted to buy the bag and the coin but something didn't sit right with me so I waited.  The guy said he had to ring me up since the store hadn't priced the equipment yet.  He seemed really shifty.  He tried to rush me.

I left the store and called a coin shop. Come to find out the coin was either a fake or not worth more that $8. The owner suggested that I not buy it for the price quoted. The camera equipment wouldn’t have gotten me more than $15.

Had I not been honest I would of been out of $50.

I was with a group of people who were talking badly about a person I know. I was asked my opinion and told them that I don’t talk about people like that when they aren’t around.

My instinct held true. I got paid as promised yesterday.

I think I may have made a bad move this week. My gut says I didn’t but many would think otherwise.

I did this weddding and finished the project. The couple and I was suppose to finalize everything yesterday: exchange payment and the prints.

So I ask the groom when is a good time for us all to meet and yesterday was the day. He said he wanted to see me and Saturday was the only day he was free. I did what was needed to be done to be there.

I get there and he’s not there. His wife and family is but he was out. I explained I had only an hour and when his wife called he said he was coming.

So I give the final presentation of their package and they loved it. 30 minutes in and no husband. 45 minutes in no husband. So the wife calls and he says he isn’t going to make it and I say fine but who’s going to give me the final payment?

He says he we said we would meet this coming week when he gets paid. I tell him that wasn’t what we discussed and that we would do everything today. So to make a long story short I delievered the good but didn’t get my final payment. I get it on next week. His wife is pissed because she didn’t know he wasn’t coming and hadn’t paid me.

Now I am in between a rock and a hard place. I have already did the whole presentation and given the family their package. Do I take it back and look like a shit or do I go on faith and pick up my money next week?

I chose option B. I felt that it was the best thing to do. I know where they live and I know where they work. I learned my lesson big time here. The bride looks like she’s about to cry and my gut says to me ” He’s good for the money just make your plans clear and go.” So this is what I did.

My hubby is pissed because he thinks I am getting gamed. I no longer have no leverage in the situation but his word and the word of his wife.

My plans for the rest of the week was shot because of this. I swallowed it because was a lesson for me to learn. Some things you do in your personal life you can’t do in your business dealings with others.

My gut says that I did a honest good job and that it was a misunderstanding on his part. My gut says that I will get paid. My gut says that I won’t ever give someone a finished job without the final payment up front again.

My gut says to have faith.

So I will.

All you have to do is like…be kind to people (don’t screw yourself over though) and yah…be nice its easy

For years I have been living with guilt of some situations that have happened in my past. Some were my fault but some weren’t. I felt that I didn’t do things I should of done and I feel that I could of treated some people in my life better than I have. Over the years I have addressed these issues but for some reason I haven’t been able to stop worrying about who I might have hurt in the past.

Examples: I feel that I don’t give my mother and my aunt who raised me enough time. I don’t visit them as often as I would like.

I feel like when I was growing up I wasn’t a good role model for my brother.

So I decided to ask those closest to me one simple question: Have I done something or said something to you that has hurt you in any way that I haven’t apologized for?

I wanted honesty and I got it. One by one I had deep conversations with my loved ones and friends.

Most of the time the guilt was in my head. I was young and most people chalked it up to circumstances. But I did get a few people who told me things about how they felt. We talked for hours and were about to clear the air and seek forgiveness.

Lives by their own morals and rules:When you are the King or Queen of your own kingdom you get to make the rules. I have always been an independent person even from an early age. I have strong beliefs and morals feel that following them will benefit me rather than following the herd.

Opportunist: I want the ability to spot and make opportunities happen at any given time. From my experience in the corporate world I realize there are dozens of opportunities thrown in our direction every single day. From meeting new people, to learning a new skill, to even creating a new idea. It’s how you take that opportunity and use it that matters.

Consistency in all areas of life: The successful people on my list do things logically and orderly. They find a system that works for them and they stick to it. Consistency makes you never have to second-guess yourself. Consistency builds trust in your business and personal relationships because people will view you as a solid person.

Financial and Business Sense: Financial and business sense isn’t only for owning a corporation. You need it in your personal life as well. Knowing where you money is coming from and going is key in running successful empire. Successful people know their business from the ground up and hire people to make their business better. They study their business, their customers, and their competitors to find out the needs of their society and anticipate and act on future needs.

Creates a Dream Team: Behind every great person is a team of people who support and guide him. It could be their mother, husband, mentor or best friend. No man is an island. We all eventually need help from others who have more experience or skills than we possess. I believe every businessperson should have a right hand man, confidante, or assistant.

Controls the ripples effect
Life to me is like a game of chess. Your first move sets the game and every move afterward is equally important. One player is hell bent on winning the game with one move while the other is more concern with setting up the board to put the ball in their court.

Good players can predict the next moves of their opponents by thinking forward and making educated guesses of each outcome. Every relationship in your life has a ripple effect. So choose your moves, your time, and your relationships wisely.

Socialization and Culture: In order to interact with various types of people a person must willing to learn and try new things. I feel that it is important to learn about different races of people. Where we come from and what we learn is what makes us human. To learn another language, visit another country and learn another person’s customs helps you grow as a person. You will learn skills and meet others who can enhance your life.

Visiting your local museums, experiencing a new cuisine or trying a new language are good ways to learn about other cultures.

Meetup.com offers groups in different cities that meet up to share their interests. They have groups that offer culture gatherings.

www.meetup.com

Looks at the past and present to predict the future: A lot of things we know today are not new concepts. Have you ever had you parents tell you “ You aren’t doing anything I haven’t done a million times before?” I believe to be innovative you have to look at the past and present to see the needs of the future. It takes a keen eye to create something new or do something in a different way.

During this week’s research I added the following traits that I want to improve on:

Listening Skills: I feel this is an important trait that everyone should re-learn. Listening is the ability to give a person your undivided attention and hear what they are saying to you, understand it and digest it. To ask questions to show interest in what they are saying and who they are as a person. Listening also includes reading between the lines. I have learned that by being quieter and listening a little more that most people will give you all the information you need to know.

Mannerisms: Good manners can get you into places that money can’t buy. These people know how to work a room as well as build business and personal relationships. People are more likely to do business or help you when you make them feel comfortable.

The simplest way to start is to say “Please” and “Thank You”. Try to make a person feel comfortable in your home, in your office or even when you are out on the town.

Simple things such as offering a suitable beverage, shaking hands, eye contact or even offering a comfortable environment makes a difference.

Confidence: I feel that in order to be successful in life you must have confidence in yourself and your abilities. You have to love, respect, trust, and take care of yourself before you can do anything for anyone else.

Leadership: I feel that some people are natural leaders and others are followers. An ideal person in my opinion can do both. There are times that call for leadership but there are times where you should follow a more experienced person.

A good leader leads by example, knows when and how to delegate, and is able to suggest/provide solutions to problems. They can access a situation quickly and make decision on their feet. A leader also knows when to step back if helps a situation and let someone else take the reins to get a better result.

Reading a person or room: Simply put, it’s the ability view bodily signs that express a person’s true feelings and how they interact with the their verbal words. I feel that being able to read human behavior takes awareness. A person’s body language can give them away before they have completed their first sentence.

If you become good at this you will be able to scan a situation and predict an outcome of situation and act accordingly.

Detailed oriented: Taking the time to read, understand and question the details will help lessen errors or bad judgments. Making good decisions the first time around decreases the need of a back up plan.

I have been studying the lives and accomplishments of the people I admire. I have written out the traits and habits I would like to add to my life to help improve it. Some I already have others I want to acquire. During this week I will post some of them and the reasons why I want to have them.

Honesty

Honesty is the #1 trait every person should have. The people I admire work towards being honest in their business and personal lives. In business, your word is your bond. It will follow you everywhere you go. In your personal life you can lose or gain relationships based upon your truthfulness.

As a child I was very honest. I could tell you no or how I felt without batting an eye. I didn’t know any better. Young children don’t understand the concept of lying until they see it done by other kids or even their own parents. That when they learn to manipulate and stretch the truth.

As an adolescent I lied to get out of punishment, chores or homework. I started telling white lies so not to hurt people’s feelings or to make people uncomfortable.

As an adult I lied to myself by doing things that inside I didn’t agree with which ended in very uncomfortable situations. I’ve allowed others to lie to me so that they won’t feel uncomfortable.

I have seen the destruction caused by telling lies even the little white ones. Marriages have ended, wars have started and some people even go to jail. Our society is built on illusions and the need to seem bigger and better than we truly are.

It’s not that hard to start lying. It’s that little white lie you say to spare a person’s feelings. It’s telling your wife you are working late when you are really hanging out with the boys. It’s telling your husband you need grocery money but what you really need it for is to get your nails done.

We lie to ourselves when we accept things we cannot tolerate. It could be a job because of the money. It could be letting a sales person talk you into a jacket that you really don’t want. It’s agreeing to go to a family function when you are dead tired or just don’t want to go. You think to yourself hey, no one will ever find out. Most times they do.

Honesty is not only what you say to others, it is also about your actions. It is the actions and words of others towards you. If the words and actions don’t match it will make a person not trust you. People can spot a liar a mile away.

I am trying to regain my child-like honesty. I have a problem saying no and at times I have problems telling others how I truly feel. I know that in order to simplify my life and be a better person, I need to be honest in all my actions, starting with myself. I realize that when you are honest with yourself and others it gets easier each time you do it.

I have decided to work hard every day at being honest, no matter how small or large. I have written some tips based upon my research:
• Relax and think about what you say or do.
• Remember that honesty cuts down on the stress and worries of being keeping up with lies. You can tell the truth and sleep easier at night.
• Honesty makes you more relaxed. Honesty makes your actions natural.
• If you have something unpleasant to say to a person, choose your words wisely. Be concise and tacful. People hate rejection but will accept if the tone, pitch and delivery are right.
• Never do something that doesn’t sit well with you. Voice your concerns and address the issues that you may not understand. By accepting what you don’t like or understand you are being dishonest with yourself.
• Be honest to others and demand they be honest with you. If you feel someone is being dishonest with you address it immediately.
• Address reasons and feelings on why you feel you can’t be honest with a person. Is it fear of rejection? Do you not want to upset or sadden a person? Rationalize the benefits of telling the person the truth. Such as you won’t waste a person’s time or even though the truth may sadden them, finding out about lie later it will hurt worse.
• Honesty will attract people and success to you.

Books:

Radical Honesty, The New Revised Edition : How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth
by Brad Blanton

Dare to Be True : Living in the Freedom of Complete Honesty
by Mark D. Roberts

How to Say It: Choice Words, Phrases, Sentences, and Paragraphs for Every Situation, Revised Edition
by Rosalie Maggio