be carefree

“I’m gonna be carefree, and let nothing pass me by, never, ever, again.” (Rosie Thomas)

I have been told I laugh a lot and that I have a lot of determination and passion, but it really grinds at me. From all nighters to giving up running in cross country meets and crying at the smallest thing. It leaves me malnourished and I can see the years of my life just falling away both from a lack of ‘living’ and then you know how they say stress lowers your life span…
I don’t know if I believe that but I know that following dreams is more than just getting there. So, I’ll stop procrastinating, go to bed at a normal time, stop biting off more than I can chew and be happy. Try to smile and be funny even with other responsibilies on my mind. If I am eating lunch I shouldn’t be thinking about work I need to do because it isn’t getting done thinking about it and things like lunch just need to happen for a break or just to truely live.

i want to not worry about anything. i want to be free of all the cares of the world. i want to be able to do what i want when i want.

Peace is underrated, take it from me, a person who is under constant attack from anxiety. I think that I have not transitioned into adulthood smoothly, responsibility and structure are overburdensome to me. I would like to return to living life intuitively, like a child who is carefree and certain that everthing will be fine.

see the point of being so uptight anymore.

i’m tired of wondering what other people think of me and being so self conscious. I’m tired of being afraid to show people who I am. I don’t want to feel ugly anymore. I want to speak up and not be silent. I am so stressed out i over think everything and have a lot of anxiety. I am praying that I may be shown the path out of this thorn bush of misery. i want the confidense to be carefree.

Being carefree brings out the best in me. If i had to describe myself and be truly honest i would say that i am … an anxious person, a worrier, a girl who sadly doesn’t think she’s all that special. But i find it mentally and emotionally exhausting to continue this way and after thinking for a long time about what improvements i want to make with myself i have realised that i am truly happy when i am the carefree Rebecca!

I love to be silly, nerdy, and laugh A LOT. I am very passionate about life, there is sooo much that i want to do and if i learn to give myself a break and not be so hard on myself then i would actually achieve a lot more in my life.

At heart i always want to be carefree. I feel that my biggest problem is learning to love the physical side to me. Sadly i have ingrained ideas into my head that i hope are not true, ideas that create an image of me being a very easy person to forget about. I know it is a real shame that i could think of myself like this but i went through an abusive relationship, and eventually i started to believe what i was told. But no more …
those thoughts are slowly fading, and i am growing to truly appreciate and love myself.

I am going to do all the little silly things that i want to do,
dance around my house a lot more (i LOVE dancing!) and stop being so afraid.

hm. i worry and i care way too much. about dumb things most of the time also. bob marley..”don’t worry, be happy” its just so simply put. and i deeply desire to feel like that. just light and joyful.

But it will be done. Today is the one-year mark of me not being friends with some chick. I wouldnt have known, but she instant messaged me and got her other friend to do it to. And i’m totally over that whole situation a year ago… and yet what they said still bothered me. why is that?

I need to start thinking about how lovely i am instead of being affected by what stupid losers say about me to make themselves feel better. =]