get some help

I am very proud. I never ask for help. I prefer to suffer alone. I don’t like myself. I think I need to change. I want to change but never do anything about it. I got so many old stuff deep in me that need to go out in order to let me live in peace.
I think I should start seeing a shrink. Someone to talk to, about anything, someone I won’t lie to. I think it could help me to feel better. But for the moment I never had the courage enough to find one, go and talk. Maybe cause it would mean that I admit having problems.

i had a friend of mine… the truth is i never had any friends until he ame in my life. He was a nice energetic, intelligent, caring, and he was just like my guarding angel. he was near abt my age until his examination began(school final). He was forced to give up talking to me. We had to seperate and ultimately when his exam has completed, he is completely ignoring me. Its true taht i’m too selfish here to ask of his company but is it really too much? i never had anyfriends and my parents can hardly spent time as they have to go out. all i wish is few emails and a call in a week. is it really too much rom God? i dont have anything so why my classmates are still jealous of me? just because i live in two flat?
and when he can fully understand me, if he really have to leave, why dont he inform me. why he keeps pulling things. all i need is a few company. i know if i die atleast whatever be after death , its far better than living here. i want to leave this lonely world. i really loved him and i know if i die, i can be with him in someday as every human being is mortal. its better waiting after death than waiting in this painful world.