be a better mom

I’ve been a mom for 12 years and I still question my decisions concerning my son. I want to stop being so impatient and judgmental. He’s the best “gift” that ever happened to my husband and I and the years go by too quickly.

I Take care of them.. but my oldest is very unruley and it’s gotten to the point where he’s hard to handal. And I caused it cause I felt bad for him cause he’s dad was/is an abuse jerk that didn’t want anything to do with him.. luckily I dont have that problem with the second cause when i started seeing scott i was 6 months pregnant and it made things easier and Jason isnt so spoiled

and its well worth the effort..
your molding human life…
its beautiful and very difficult all in one
but too not try will only leave one with regret and in misery
i love my lil girl faith to death and i need to teach her so many things in life… but i need to calm myself and remind myself to just take it one day at a time…

I don’t want to feel like I’m losing it sometimes. I just don’t want to be this control freak, but feel like she will be spoiled rotten if I give in.

I try and google boarding school for a 5 year old, and nothing appears. Other google searches reveal that no one else seems to have the trouble I do with my child. I have a Ph.D., I am not divorced. I have a 7 year old daughter who is doing ok. I remember holding her at birth thinking she was going to be harder to bond with. I remember her colic (my husband travels alot) watching a Beach Boys re-creation on TV five years ago and not being able to get her to stop crying. I knew then it was going to be tough with her. She has no disability. Just the curse of having me as a mom and not knowing how to parent her.

This is not a measurable goal. I still want to be a better mama, but if I accomplish even half of the things on my list, that will be a given!

I think im a pretty good mom, but sometimes I feel like Im not doing enough, there are times when i cant take my child out, or by things for her that she needs, and it makes me feel sad, because i wanted her to have the things i didnt.

I love my daughter with every fiber of my being. My goal is to spend more quality time with her instead of working all the time. Actually do tangible things with her and have her have happy memories with me as far back as she can remember.

I hate my daughter to see me so sad. When I cry, she cries. When I dont eat she is lethargic(sp?). When I am happy, she is happy. My emotions do effect her, maybe more than I can recgonize. This is it, I cant do this to her anymore. She is the 1 person I need to take care of and I am afraid that Im not doing that to the best of my abilities. Everytime I feel like I am losing it I need to remind myself that she needs me more than anyone else. If I can just keep her happiness in mind I think that I will do okay.

On a more positive note, I am taking her on a road trip. We are going to see fireworks for my birthday and I plan on spoiling her to the fullest.

My kids are the best, so naturally, I want to be the best for them. Unfortunately, I always fall short. I have been living with depression for most of my life, and because of this I never have much energy. I want to be that fun mom with boundless energy to play with my kids, but right now, I’m not. I’m hoping to “cure” my depression (more on that later) and lose weight, but I’m sure I still won’t be the best mom. I know my kids love me, but I also know they deserve better. I’m on a quest to become a better mom.